Can I go to my Catholic Daughter's non Catholic Wedding

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mariainman

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I raised my daughter to be a Catholic. Last year she was going to get married to her baby’s father in the Catholic Church. She called it off. This year she is going to marry the same man outside the Catholic Church. My mother(her Grandmother)refuses to attend the wedding. Personally I would rather not go but I think it would create more friction than we already have.She has no good reason why she can’t get married except that she says she isn’t Catholic anymore. I need some good Catholic advise on whether I should go to her wedding or not? What would a priest say?Thanks in advance
 
I can’t imagine not going to your daughters wedding. I think you will regret it forever if you don’t. When my daughter got married almost 20yrs ago, a couple who were like second parents to her refused to go because they didn’t approve. They have been sorry for every year that passed. They said they would never make that decision again if they had it to do over again. When you do something like that you can’t undo it. It can cause a hurt with your daughter that will remain through the years. You’re her mother, you belong there. Pray for her but be there.
 
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Marysgirl:
I can’t imagine not going to your daughters wedding. …
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By all means go! You will regret it if you don’t. And I believe that your priest would tell you the same thing. It may be the first step in her returning to the faith !
~ Kathy ~
 
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mariainman:
She has no good reason why she can’t get married except that she says she isn’t Catholic anymore. I need some good Catholic advise on whether I should go to her wedding or not? What would a priest say?Thanks in advance
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I know what our priest would say; that if your reason for not going is because it’s not a Catholic wedding, then you should go. Pray that she builds a strong family and that one day she comes back to the Church. If you can, look at the positive aspects and be happy for her.

Our family went through a wedding dilemna a few years ago. My uncle’s widow announced that the parish priest was leaving the priesthood and they were to be married. No one really talked about it because we were stunned silent. The wedding was in another state so people could have gotten out of going. However, even my daily mass going aunts were there. You have to support and love family
 
I also think that you should go. However before hand, I suggest a good heart to heart with your daughter about the sacrament of marriage and the grace that results from it. Try to talk to her about why she does not consider herself Catholic. Faith is such an important part of life. Help her to see that she starts her family and married life on a better foot by accepting the gift of God’s grace through the sacrament of marriage. I am not sure what a priest would tell you. My uncle who is a priest and who attended all other nieces/nephews’ weddings said he could not attend my one cousin’s wedding because she was a practicing Catholic who got married in the Baptist church. Have you asked your parish priest?
 
I have not asked my parish priest yet for if he says don’t go I won’t. I read recently that it makes a mockery out of the Institution of Marriage to support a Catholic that refuses to get married in the Church. I need to hear a conservative view to know if it is strong enought to support my not wanting to attend. If I don’t find justification not to go I will probably go reluctantly.But I can not pretend to be happy for her, she would see through it anyway.Most of the advise says I will regret it if I don’t go but I wonder if I will regret not following my Conscience by going.
 
My oldest daughter married outside the Catholic Church 15 years ago. He had to get an annulement before they could marry in the church so they didn’t want to wait. She was in college and hadn’t known him all that long. Anyway, I wasn’t going to the wedding but finally I gave in and went because she talked my sister into having it at her house and not actually in some other church. If I had it to do over again, I would not have gone to the wedding outside the Church. Not because I don’t love my daughter or want her to be happy but because it was the wrong thing to do, in my opinion. I stood there in support of this arrangement and ignored the beliefs of the church. Catholic’s who aren’t married in the church are not married in the eyes of the church. So therefore I supported this arrangment. Since then, they have had their marriage blessed by the church.

Not going is very tough and you have to judge your own situation but after that marriage I decided that I wouldn’t go to weddings of people who should be married in the church but chose not to be. I have missed weddings of several neices and my sister. They understood why and there are no hard feeling. I have a daughter who was pregnant and she knew I wouldn’t go to the wedding if they got married out of the church so she hung in there and married in the church as soon as she could. But I just felt like it was more important to stand up for what I believe than go along with the crowd. God didn’t promise us it would be easy but he promised he would be with us. I have more regret from going to the wedding I shouldn’t have gone to than missing the ones that I did.

But, everyone is different and you have to think things through and decide what is right for you. That is what I did and why I have taken the stand I took.

BB
 
Go. At least, if this man isn’t the right one for her, it may be easier to get an annullment later… Sigh… It’s a cold fact, but true. I put my mom through a lot of worry in my early twenties. I almost married the worst man possible, and yet, she supported and loved me through it and tried to be happy for me. Partly due to her love, and especially her prayers, I got out of that relationship and married a wonderful Catholic guy who I adore. Because she was there for me no matter what was a bigger testament to me than if she had totally abandoned me during a very confusing, stressful, time in my life. Be that for her. You love her, and know you want to go, so go.

Here’s a good quote that has helped me get through those times with family and friends who are so lost, I wonder how they can stand it.
Code: 
  "Is your faith so right, are you so blessed? Everybody wanders through the forest.. is your heart so true, are you that good? Everybody wanders through the woods, everybody wanders through the wilderness."
She’s just a-wandering right now. Be a good example, and stay a strong Catholic and loving… Being Catholic is in her roots… she’ll never get away from that!

God bless,
-Amie
 
Thank you all so much for responding to my question about going to my daughter’s wedding. I took you advise and talked to my parish priest. He told me it was a dilemna but that he thought that I should go. He said that I should leave the door open so that she could come back in time. I am grateful for all your responses. I think I will go. I know my husband would want me to be there, so I should honor his wishes since it is not against the Church to go.
I really just want to do the right thing and this is one occasion that I am not sure what is right.I will pray for guidance. Thanks again for all the (name removed by moderator)ut.
 
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mariainman:
. I took you advise and talked to my parish priest. He told me it was a dilemna but that he thought that I should go. He said that I should leave the door open so that she could come back in time. I am grateful for all your responses. I think I will go. I know my husband would want me to be there, so I should honor his wishes since it is not against the Church to go.
I really just want to do the right thing and this is one occasion that I am not sure what is right.I will pray for guidance. Thanks again for all the (name removed by moderator)ut.
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I could not do it. The priest will not live with this; you will. Throughout the rest of your life, even if things work out later, you will remember what you went through, and you and you alone will have this empty feeling.

This will be true, even if she formally renounces her Catholic faith, in which case, of course, you could attend the wedding - small consolation - but the sadness will remain. There is just no good way to put a happy or even contented face on this.

One thing I know: All the many times in my life that I “went along to get along” to keep the peace have been pointless. Each compromise, each concession just made it easier for the compromise and concession demanders to ask a little more, to press a little harder.

And I think that it wasn’t love for my family, but rather self-love that motivated me. 😦

.

Anna
 
My son, who knows his faith, but wasn’t living it, got married at a place that caters to weddings. Last year after 5 or 6 years, they had a Catholic wedding and had their son baptized. I didn’t attend the first one, but I was more than delighted to attend when he made it a sacramental marriage.

I don’t see how a person can go and celebrate a non marriage. Isn’t that tantamount to celebrating fornication. We worry about hurting family feelings, but doesn’t that put God and His Will on the back burner?
 
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Callie:
…I don’t see how a person can go and celebrate a non marriage. Isn’t that tantamount to celebrating fornication. We worry about hurting family feelings, but doesn’t that put God and His Will on the back burner?
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Does God only love those who are like minded?? He loves us ALL.
ANd you were not celebrating fornication. You were/would have been showing LOVE.
~ Kathy ~
 
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I don’t see how a person can go and celebrate a non marriage. Isn’t that tantamount to celebrating fornication. We worry about hurting family feelings, but doesn’t that put God and His Will on the back burner?
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I agree with you Callie. We have to worry more about what is right in the eyes of God than who will be mad at us. I have missed several weddings of Catholic family who have chosen not to marry in the church for one reason or another and I still love them and they still love me. They understand and don’t have a problem with it. I had to take a stand on this in order to be a good example for my children. They are watching what we do and watching to see what is important to us and what isn’t. I expect them to be married in the church and if I support people who aren’t then I am telling them I have different standards for others. The church does not regcognize a marriage of Catholics outside the church. In essence they are turning their back on the church and her teachings. I can’t support that and celebrate it.

God Bless
bb
 
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mariainman:
I raised my daughter to be a Catholic. Last year she was going to get married to her baby’s father in the Catholic Church. She called it off. This year she is going to marry the same man outside the Catholic Church. My mother(her Grandmother)refuses to attend the wedding. Personally I would rather not go but I think it would create more friction than we already have.She has no good reason why she can’t get married except that she says she isn’t Catholic anymore. I need some good Catholic advise on whether I should go to her wedding or not? What would a priest say?Thanks in advance
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It would be the best if you did attend your daughters wedding. She was obviously convinced by someone who is against the teachings of the Catholic Church, who told her not to get married in a Catholic Church and denounce her Fatih as a Catholic. If your daughter has recieved the Sacrament of Baptisim then there is no way she can say she is not a Catholic anymore. She is a Catholic who has lost her way and as her mother you should find a way to bring her back. For us Catholics, The more Catholics we lose, the more Satan is smiling.
 
My mother did NOT attend my brothers non-Catholic wedding. He was waiting for an annulment and they went ahead with the non-Catholic ceremony. My mother felt that she was not going to be one of those people who preaches one thing and does another. She has always been steadfast and everyone knows what a good Catholic she is, so it would almost be scandalist if she had attended. She waited outside the church and was there at the reception.
However, my mother did attend the blessing of their Catholic marriage (some six months later after the annulment was done). She even had the after party at her house.
I say no, don’t do it. But do attend the reception to show your support for your daughter. By attending the wedding you will be telling her that your faith and values do not matter. They do matter, they should come first and hopefully she will see your life as a devote Catholic and rethink her non-Catholic ways.
Good luck.
 
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