Can I go to these wedding?

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JesusitrustinYou1

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This coming year (assuming covid is better) My family has a wedding to go to. It is between my catholic cousin and her jewish boyfriend. They dont live around here but I’m pretty sure they have been living together. I dont want to judge them but assuming hes jewish and shes catholic it doesnt seem like shes really a real devout catholic. I doubt the wedding will be in a catholic church. I really dont know a whole lot about the details except that they decided to announce the wedding like 2 years in advance.

Then my uncle is getting remairried after a divorce. His girlfriend I think is not catholic. I really have no idea and hate judging others but im not sure and kind of doubt he got an annulment for the last marriage. I am pretty sure they have been living together.

I am a teen so I guess I am doing what my parents say we are doing but I just read somewhere that it is a sin to attend a secular wedding with catholics in it.

Thanks
 
“Pretty sure,” “assuming he’s Jewish,” “I doubt” – you seem to be making a lot of assumptions here. Why not try to find out the facts before worrying about attending?
 
Good point. I just really dont like judging otgers so I guess that is why I used that language. I will ask my parents if they know something I dont.
 
JesusitrustinYou1 said:
I just read somewhere that it is a sin to attend a secular wedding with catholics in it.
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That’s not exactly true. It is possible for a Catholic – who is marrying a non-Catholic – to get a dispensation from his bishop from the requirement to marry in a Catholic building in a liturgy celebrated by Catholic clergy.

So, whether or not it’s likely in your relatives’ cases, it isn’t really charitable to assume that they didn’t go through the procedure.

And yeah – since you’re a teen, just do what your parents tell you to do. You’ll have plenty of time as an adult to make decisions like these for yourself on your own…
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If it bothers you, talk to a priest.
It’s always good policy to obey your parents if they want you to attend a wedding.
 
I agree with the above, I’d probably attend in your shoes. You’re a minor, and should listen to your parents unless you are sure they are incorrect.

It’s possible for couples to get the proper dispensations. They may have done this, you don’t seem to know for sure that they did not. Also, as long as it’s possible to get dispensed, they can always make their marriages valid (sacramental or not) in the Catholic church at a later time. It’s not like a same-sex “marriage” that can NEVER be valid. You can attend and hope for conversion in the future. This was the advice given to me by a priest way back when I was near your age and had a similar issue.

Also, the typical reasons for Catholics not attending these kinds of events are mostly along the lines of “I don’t want to be seen supporting sin, or condoning it”. But with all due respect, I’m not sure anyone else attending will be looking to a teenager in attendance to know if what is acceptable or not. They’ll probably just assume the truth; your parents were going, and you were a package deal.

Hope this helps!
 
SunSeeker said:
It’s possible for couples to get the proper dispensations. They may have done this, you don’t seem to know for sure that they did not. Also, as long as it’s possible to get dispensed, they can always make their marriages valid (sacramental or not) in the Catholic church at a later time. It’s not like a same-sex “marriage” that can NEVER be valid. You can attend and hope for conversion in the future. This was the advice given to me by a priest way back when I was near your age and had a similar issue.
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I do think that can be seen as a double standard, but, as a teenager, the OP is not likely to have much say.
 
It’s not ideal either way, I agree, but a teenager need not start a family quarrel over this.
 
JesusitrustinYou1 said:
I am a teen so I guess I am doing what my parents say we are doing
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The Forum rules are actually very clear on this point:
Do not give advice to a minor that opposes the instruction of a parent or legal guardian.
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You will be at these weddings because you are accompanying your parents.

You are not in a position as a teenager to evaluate or counsel these adults about these marriages, in any event. You have no moral responsibility in or for these matters.

Safe travels and enjoy the weddings.
 
You don’t have a moral duty to police the actions of distant relatives. Anyone who is old enough to marry is old enough to discern for themselves if they have taken all appropriate steps. You can assume with charity they are doing things properly and attend in good conscience. It is the between them, their immediate families, and God.
 
If you’re a minor, which I’m assuming is the case, then you need to do as your parents say.

When you’re an adult, you can feel free to skip weddings you’re not comfortable attending, for whatever reason. However, you are not an adult yet and as Don Ruggero said you have no moral responsibility here.
 
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Just curious, if someone has been confirmed in the Church, wouldn’t they be responsible for their own actions in relation to the Church? Even if they are a minor in the eyes of secular authority?

Also, I think the OP knows if his (or her) parents are Catholics who embrace Church teaching, or if they are just going through the motions.

I think it’s a valid point to consider that this idea of “shunning” someone who is breaking Catholic mores only works to change behavior if the family / society is all hardcore Catholic, and is going to shun together. For instance, maybe this would have happened in the 1800s, or even up until the 1960s or so, but now it doesn’t seem effective if it’s just a couple of people trying to stand firm in the middle of a storm of relativism.
But I agree, do what your parents want you to do. Observe and pray for the couples.
 
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Jen95 said:
I think it’s a valid point to consider that this idea of “shunning” someone who is breaking Catholic mores only works to change behavior if the family / society is all hardcore Catholic, and is going to shun together. For instance, maybe this would have happened in the 1800s, or even up until the 1960s or so, but now it doesn’t seem effective if it’s just a couple of people trying to stand firm in the middle of a storm of relativism.
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The fact that you have put shunning in quotes indicates that you know shunning is not the right word, but I want to put that on record. Not going to an invalid wedding does not mean you are shunning the person. You can meet up with them at other times (assuming not attending does not break the relationship).
 
Jen95 said:
Just curious, if someone has been confirmed in the Church, wouldn’t they be responsible for their own actions in relation to the Church? Even if they are a minor in the eyes of secular authority?

Also, I think the OP knows if his (or her) parents are Catholics who embrace Church teaching, or if they are just going through the motions.
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Policy of this forum is that we don’t tell minors to go against their parents.

It’s not up for discussion.

With respect to being confirmed, Eastern Catholics confirm infants at the same time they are baptized. Being confirmed is not some sort of rite of adulthood in the Church. (I think it would be good if the Latin Church started following the Eastern practice in order to stop creating confusion on this point because a lot of Catholics think confirmation is some kind of Bar Mitzvah or like those Protestant ceremonies where teens become full adult members of their church. )
We certainly don’t expect Eastern Catholic infants to take charge of their own moral choices simply because they have been confirmed.

The age of reason for church purposes is also nowadays around 7 years old. At that age you’re supposed to be able to tell right from wrong and know if you’ve sinned. But it does not expect that a child or a minor under parental control is going to go against their parents.
 
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I know shunning isn’t quite the word I want, or maybe it is? I think that’s kind of the principle that social pressure works on “people will think badly of me / not associate with me if I…(marry outside the Church, smoke, vote for whoever)”.
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Are we actually morally called to shun people? Moral Theology
the bible has some very suggestive passages seeming to point in that direction St. Paul - 1 COR 5 11-13 But I now write to you not to associate with anyone named a brother, if he is immoral, greedy, an idolater, a slanderer, a drunkard, or a robber, not even to eat with such a person. For why should I be judging outsiders? Is it not your business to judge those within? God will judge those outside. “Purge the evil person from your midst.” St. Paul - 2 TIM 3:1-5 But understand this: there will …
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JesusitrustinYou1 said:
but assuming hes jewish and shes catholic it doesnt seem like shes really a real devout catholic
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I wouldn’t make assumptions. My mother grew up Catholic and my dad Jewish, and 33 years later she is a 3rd order secular carmelite and he is an ordained catholic deacon. My mom wasn’t any less of a “real devout Catholic” for marrying someone Jewish.
 
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I would add onto this that a good spouse can help a Catholic to become more moral and a better Catholic in some cases, even if spouse isn’t Catholic. If these people have been engaged for 2 years and now tying the knot, it’s a sign they took this commitment seriously.

Also, not getting married in a Catholic church building does not necessarily mean they haven’t gone through the proper steps to have their marriage recognized by the Church. These things are really the business of the couple involved, and if you’re not a close relative or close friend then you likely don’t know the whole story.
 
Jen95 said:
I think it’s a valid point to consider that this idea of “shunning” someone who is breaking Catholic mores only works to change behavior if the family / society is all hardcore Catholic, and is going to shun together.
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Shunning never works just look at cancel culture and you can see it only causes insincere changes. Not going to a wedding because of the conscience is personal and is not “shunning.” That should only happen if they become a bad influence or there are negative interactions, in which case it would be reasonable to separate.
 
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