Can I sleep over at my boyfriend's house?

[adeangelis]

My boyfriend is long-distance. He lives three hours away by car to the north of my home. We have been dating 3–4 months and have been blessed so far to be able to meet each other at middle points and spend days together on the weekends. Other times, he has come to see me and stayed in a hotel overnight and I have done the same going to visit him.

This arrangement is starting to get expensive. We are both committed to celibacy before marriage and don’t know as yet if it is God’s will for us to be married as we are still getting to know each other. For convenience, is it allowable for me to, for example, sleep at his house in a bedroom if he sleeps on the sofa? Is this considered cohabitation if it is only overnight?

 

[Michelle_Arnold]

First, let’s clarify terms. To be celibate means to be “unmarried.” Living according to the Church’s teaching on sexual morality is to be chaste. So, what you and your boyfriend are committed to is the chastity required of single people, which includes no sexual relations outside marriage. If you marry, then you would be called to live chastely within marriage by remaining faithful to your spouse.

People who are committed to sexual chastity do what they can to avoid what Catholics call a “near occasion of sin.” That means they avoid situations that will make it more difficult for them to live virtuously. An unmarried couple who is committed to chastity will indeed be placing themselves in a near occasion of sin by routinely having overnight visits with each other, even when they commit beforehand to sleeping in separate rooms.

I cannot recommend these overnight visits. If the two of you are discerning marriage together, perhaps the time has come for one of the two of you to consider moving to the other person’s city of residence. If both of you are unwilling to do that, this might be an indication that the two of you are not suited to marriage to each other.