Can I still go up and recieve communion?

[Eli_Joshys_Mom]

Here is my situation. I am currently attending RCIA classes and will be making my conformation in Jan. I have not been to confession since I made my first communion 20 yrs ago. I have not went because I know I have to make a appointment, and having to face him face to face has me very nervous. Now, I know it is something that needs to be done, and I will do it. I have been married 4 yrs but not through the church. (We are in the process of setting that up, my husband is attending RCIA as well and will not be done with his classes until Easter)
If I go to confession, may I go up and recieve communion? Even though I wont be married in the church until possibly after Jan? I sit in the back every Sunday I notice I get “looks” from people because I do not go up and recieve communion. My appointment to meet with our priest is not for 2 more weeks, so I was hoping someone could help answer these questions before then.
Thank you.

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

Here is my situation. I am currently attending RCIA classes and will be making my conformation in Jan. I have not been to confession since I made my first communion 20 yrs ago. I have not went because I know I have to make a appointment, and having to face him face to face has me very nervous. Now, I know it is something that needs to be done, and I will do it. I have been married 4 yrs but not through the church. (We are in the process of setting that up, my husband is attending RCIA as well and will not be done with his classes until Easter)
If I go to confession, may I go up and recieve communion? Even though I wont be married in the church until possibly after Jan? I sit in the back every Sunday I notice I get “looks” from people because I do not go up and recieve communion. My appointment to meet with our priest is not for 2 more weeks, so I was hoping someone could help answer these questions before then.
Thank you.

You do not need to make an appointment for Confession and you definately are not required to go face to face if your do not want to!

Since you are Catholic you have access to Sacramental Confession and it does not need to be at any specific parish or with any specific priest. However to go to Confession and return to Holy Communion you will need to decide to live as brother and sister until the Marriage is reconciled and convalidated. Why can’t the Marriage be convalidated before January? Is there an annulment of a prior marriage issue? What will you do if the prior Marriage is found to be valid?

 

[moira]

You should be married in the Church before you receive Holy Communion. January isn’ that far off. But I know how hard it is to wait. I was married by a JP and had to wait a year until we were sacramentally married in the Church before we could receive Communion.

And don’t worry about going to confession. You don’t have to go face to face. You can kneel behind the screen and the priest will never know who you are. Or you could go to confession at a different parish.
Why do you have to make an appointment for confession?

Also, don’t worry about the “looks” you may be getting from other people. It’s really none of their business why you’re not receiving. And they may not be giving you looks at all. It could be that you are self-conscience about not receiving. I know I was. I really understand how you’re feeling.

Hang in there and I’ll say a prayer for you.

 

[puzzleannie]

If I go to confession, may I go up and recieve communion? Even though I wont be married in the church until possibly after Jan? I sit in the back every Sunday I notice I get “looks” from people because I do not go up and recieve communion. My appointment to meet with our priest is not for 2 more weeks, so I was hoping someone could help answer these questions before then.
Thank you.

you are probably imagining the looks, plenty of people don’t go to communion for many reasons, only one of which has to do with any kind of sin that needs confession. No one is watching who goes and who doesn’t.

You must get your answer from the priest in confession. don’t delay because you need the pastoral counselling he will give you. Be entirely honest about your marriage situation. You also need an appointment outside of confession to take care of the marriage issues. do it today.

objectively, someone who is living with another person outside valid natural or sacramental marriage is living in sin, so they could not receive absolution until the sinful condition is remedied, nor of course could they receive communion without absolution.

that is why you first need to talk to the priest about your marriage outside confession to determine whether or not you are really married. OP does not give enough info. No one on this forum can answer that question, so there is no point in posting any more detail on it.

 

[CRW]

Here is my situation. I am currently attending RCIA classes and will be making my conformation in Jan. I have not been to confession since I made my first communion 20 yrs ago. I have not went because I know I have to make a appointment, and having to face him face to face has me very nervous. Now, I know it is something that needs to be done, and I will do it. I have been married 4 yrs but not through the church. (We are in the process of setting that up, my husband is attending RCIA as well and will not be done with his classes until Easter)
If I go to confession, may I go up and recieve communion? Even though I wont be married in the church until possibly after Jan? I sit in the back every Sunday I notice I get “looks” from people because I do not go up and recieve communion. My appointment to meet with our priest is not for 2 more weeks, so I was hoping someone could help answer these questions before then.
Thank you.

IMHO, a talk with the priest is required before you go to confession. Is this your first marriage? His first marriage? If prior marriages, have annulments been approved? Answers to these questions will determine if you are allow to go to confession. However, if the priests confirms a “Yes” it does not have to be face to face. This is your choice. Demand it if it is not offered.

 

[Eli_Joshys_Mom]

---

Thank you for the info everyone.
Let me start off by saying neither one of us have been married before. Yes, I am legally married, as of Aug 2002. I have a home with my husband and 2 children… I don’t see why all of a sudden we would have to live like roommates. I have talked to a priest and my RCIA teacher about my situation, and neither one told me I had to do this.
My RCIA teacher reccommended I set a appointment because it has been such a long time since I have went to confession.
They asked me when I would like to have our marriage blessed by the church, since our original wedding was on my birthday, my RCIA teacher suggested we do it on my husbands b-day in Jan. We thought it was a nice idea.

" No one on this forum can answer that question, so there is no point in posting any more detail on it."

Puzzleannie?? If I recall correctly…Why such rudeness?? I come here looking for answers and I get a remark like that. Sorry if you feel there is no help for me, but you don’t have to answer my posts if you do not wish to.
Thank you to everyone else who took the time to respond.

 

[puzzleannie]

---

" No one on this forum can answer that question, so there is no point in posting any more detail on it."

Puzzleannie?? If I recall correctly…Why such rudeness?? I come here looking for answers and I get a remark like that. Sorry if you feel there is no help for me, but you don’t have to answer my posts if you do not wish to.
Thank you to everyone else who took the time to respond.

I am baffled that you interpret this answer as rudeness. It was not my intent. We are not competent on this forum to deal with matter for confession. you got some good advice from some good, knowledgeable people who are genuinely concerned about you. I would have been very rude had I asked you to post more personal details which are none of our business. You took offense at my attempt to be considerate of your personal privacy. If you find that offensive, I apologize.

 

[scylla]

Don’t worry about getting looks from not going up to receive communion. There are probably many who really shouldn’t be receiving communion who just do it out of ignorance or out of feelings of entitlement.

I respect people who sit as it takes honesty and respect to sit out of receiving communion. We need more people like that who have the humility to respect out Lord.

Don’t worry about confession, it is tough but you can do it. The devil doesn’t want you to, you just got to stand him down and be brave.

God Bless and welcome back
Scylla

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

---

Thank you for the info everyone.
Let me start off by saying neither one of us have been married before. Yes, I am legally married, as of Aug 2002. I have a home with my husband and 2 children… I don’t see why all of a sudden we would have to live like roommates. I have talked to a priest and my RCIA teacher about my situation, and neither one told me I had to do this.
My RCIA teacher reccommended I set a appointment because it has been such a long time since I have went to confession.
They asked me when I would like to have our marriage blessed by the church, since our original wedding was on my birthday, my RCIA teacher suggested we do it on my husbands b-day in Jan. We thought it was a nice idea.

" No one on this forum can answer that question, so there is no point in posting any more detail on it."

Puzzleannie?? If I recall correctly…Why such rudeness?? I come here looking for answers and I get a remark like that. Sorry if you feel there is no help for me, but you don’t have to answer my posts if you do not wish to.
Thank you to everyone else who took the time to respond.

To add to my original response since you have posted some additional information.

You do not have to make an appointment if you do not want to , but can if you wish. Many times RCIA candidates are told that they must make an appointment and must go face to face. Both of which violate canon law.

“Yes, I am legally married, as of Aug 2002. I have a home with my husband and 2 children… I don’t see why all of a sudden we would have to live like roommates. I have talked to a priest and my RCIA teacher about my situation, and neither one told me I had to do this.”

They should have. As you state you are legally married but not Sacramentally married. The Church does not recognize that you are married and are therefore considered single at this moment. Having a sexual relationship while single would be seriously against the moral teaching of the Church. You are in an Irregular marriage situation, nothing prohibits you from convalidating the Marriage ASAP. Your RCIA teacher should have said do it as soon as possible.

 

[krysianka]

Don’t worry about getting looks from not going up to receive communion. There are probably many who really shouldn’t be receiving communion who just do it out of ignorance or out of feelings of entitlement.

I respect people who sit as it takes honesty and respect to sit out of receiving communion. We need more people like that who have the humility to respect out Lord.

I offer the same encouragement. You will please God through your obedience and humility. I do understand putting off confession. I did it, too! It’s hard after the first time in years, but we need it and the grace you will receive will be great.
Br. Rich SFO:

They should have. As you state you are legally married but not Sacramentally married. The Church does not recognize that you are married and are therefore considered single at this moment. Having a sexual relationship while single would be seriously against the moral teaching of the Church. You are in an Irregular marriage situation, nothing prohibits you from convalidating the Marriage ASAP. Your RCIA teacher should have said do it as soon as possible.

While it would be nice to do it on your husband’s birthday, perhaps you would want to consider sooner, for everyone’s spiritual good. But that needs to be worked out in a priest-to-faithful pastoral scenario. Maybe your priest considered that you had not yet returned to the Sacrament of Confession, wanted to give you enough time for that, for your readiness via RCIA instruction, etc. I don’t intend to second-guess him, or you. If you tell him your hunger for receiving Jesus in the Eucharist, maybe you and he can reassess your & your husband’s needs and preparedness.

In the meantime before the marriage validation, your priest would have to use his pastoral judgement in determining whether you should either . . .
(a) live as brother and sister until validating your marriage (and be able to receive Holy Communion)
OR
(b) live as husband and wife until validating your marriage (and refrain from approaching the Communion line)

When you receive Sacramental Confession (during the counseling afterward), your priest will likely discuss your status to approach Holy Communion. That’s probably why no one has mentioned anything yet, and you are hearing it here for the first time.

My friend and her husband had their 17 year civil marriage validated by the Church this year. Our pastor did not even mention the living as brother and sister scenario, **probably because there was no previous marriage and he probably knew it would be fairly straightforward for the diocese to approve. **I can’t say why your priest and RCIA teacher didn’t discuss the different scenarios, but since you shared that neither of you have been married before, they probably had the same view my pastor did, but of course I am speculating!

God Bless you and your husband! Prayers are with you!