Can my son be denied confirmation because I won't let him go on retreat?

[maryrose8]

My son is being denied the sacrament of confirmation because I am against him attending a confrmation retreat. I live in the state of Wisconsin and with all of the reports of inappropriate behavior by priests and people involved in our diocese and how it’s been handled I am extremely fearful of my son being forced to stay overnight. My disagreement is compounded by the fact that statements are made by other attendees that the retreat was a waste of time. They met in a small group for a short amount of time in the morning and in the afternoon; the remainder of the time was spent playing in the gym and just hanging out. The interpretation is that it’s about time and money spent.

Another facet of this retreat is that only two to three kids from each parish could attend a single retreat. The retreat begins Friday afternoon and ends Sunday afternoon. I have spoken to the deacons in charge of the confirmation program and they say that their hands are tied. When I challenged the value of the retreat, the response I received was “What makes you think that you know what is best for your son?” My response, “Because God gave him to me to raise and protect.” I have spent his entire life protecting him and in all good conscience I was not willing to risk putting him in this situation.

I requested a meeting with our parish priest; that request was denied. I have also spoke with representatives from both of the retreat centers. I expressed my concern and was told that the purpose of the retreat was for my son to be able to talk freely with his peers about his faith. I asked if I could attend the retreat with my son and was told this was not allowed. My son is very comfortable with his faith; he does not need a “retreat experience” to gain what he already has. My son has expressed his unhappiness with the potential of not being able to be confirmed because of our objection to a retreat with the deacon during his confirmation interview. He was told that this was a requirement put forth by the diocese and that there were no alternatives. It almost feels as though our parish receives “funds” from the retreat centers, which is why they mandate it. My son offered to do something in lieu of the retreat and he was told that there weren’t any alternatives.

What can we do?

 

[Michelle_Arnold]

I am sympathetic to your concerns, but it sounds to me that you have chosen to express your concerns in a confrontational manner, which may be one reason you have been stonewalled. This isn’t to say that I am all that sympathetic to the parish, assuming you have reported the situation accurately. However well or poorly you expressed your concerns, you should have been given the respect and courtesy of having your concern for your son’s safety taken seriously, particularly in light of recent media reports. It was also inappropriate for someone to question your ability to determine what is in the best interest of your son.

Your diocese very likely has in place an office that deals with the protection of children in the diocese. Call the office and request an appointment. If necessary, just request the appointment and say you want to discuss a concern about your son’s safety in a diocesan-run confirmation program. There is no need to be more specific than that. At the appointment, lay out the problem, explaining that your son is being denied confirmation because you have concerns about his safety at the retreat that are being unaddressed by the parish. Ask what protocols are in place in the diocese to protect children on overnight retreats, and ask that parishes in the diocese be instructed to take more seriously parental concerns for the safety of their children in diocesan programs.

If you continue to be stonewalled, I recommend contacting the St. Joseph Foundation for more assistance. The Foundation is an apostolate that works to help Catholics assert their rights within the Church.