Can one forgive oneself?

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spiltteeth

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I asked my friend (who is a like-warm quasi Catholic) is he ever felt the need to ask for forgiveness.
His answer is pretty typical of todays new-age society. He said he doesn’t look at it that way. He said you have to forgive yourself, guilt doesn’t help anyone, and there’s nothing you can do to fix things in the past, that what’s important is today.
His main point is that its all in the past and what’s done is done.

I myself have a constant burning to ask God’s forgiveness for my transgressions.

What is the Christian response to my friends view point? I hear so much how one must “let go of guilt”

Thanks!
 
Sounds like a bunch of feel-good psychology to me. If you’ve sinned against God, why would you expect someone other than God to forgive you? Similarly, if you’ve sinned against your neighbor, a friend, a family member, or someone driving on the road, why would it be logically possible to forgive yourself instead of asking that other person for forgiveness?

Secondly, forgiveness isn’t possible without truly being repentant for the sin and without a purpose of amendment. If you can’t promise to change yourself and avoid sinning in the future, asking for forgiveness is futile.

Thirdly, actions have consequences. If you’ve committed a sin, it’s going to have lasting effects. For example, if you commit adultery, even if your wife forgives you, she still will think about you suspiciously, and there will be lasting damage in that relationship. If you drink and drive, you’ll lose your license and possibly go to jail, and you’ll probably end up paying higher insurance premiums for years – even if you go to the priest for confession the very next weekend.

The way I look at it, there’s no way I can possibly forgive myself for any of my sins, screwups, or mistakes. Not only am I unsure that I won’t be able to prevent the harmful behavior in the future, I also should have known better while I was in the process of sinning or screwing up. And if I didn’t feel guilty about past sins, screwups, and mistakes, then it would mean I didn’t take them seriously or that I wasn’t aware of the harm I was doing.
 
I believe the Act of Forgiveness is always borne out of supernatural grace-whether the person is aware of it or not. And I believe that there are also degrees in the quality of forgiveness, which means the greater the offense, the harder is it to forgive that and consequently the more grace would be needed from God if we wish to truly forgive. Hence the act of forgiveness can’t be taken lightly, something that just can simply be dished out or withdrawn. The real essence of Christian forgiveness is being aware of how much God has loved and forgiven us so that we can also do the same to our neighbor. Even the act of forgiving oneself requires grace since it entails accepting our weaknesses and depending on God for strength to bear them.
 
No man is an island. You can’t just do whatever you want by yourself. You have to rely on others because sometimes you just can’t do things for yourself.

When God forgives someone for a sin always has meaning, and, while forgiving yourself has meaning in the sense that it helps you move on with your life, it is not the same as being forgiven by others. Consider this: a person rapes and kills about 20 young girls; now if God forgive the killer, it has great meaning. If the killer accepts the forgiveness of God then that gives forgiving himself meaning since he can move on from sin. If the killer did not seek the forgiveness of God though and simply declared to himself, “I shouldn’t really feel bad about being a rapist, paedophile, killer, so I choose to forgive myself,” the meaning behind that is quite clearly not the same as being forgiven by God, or even by family members of the victims.

What I mean by all this is that forgiving yourself does not equate to be absolved, but merely moving on. We need the forgiveness of others, most importantly God, for the type of forgiveness that is most meaningful.
 
Ferds_Guiang said:
I believe the Act of Forgiveness is always borne out of supernatural grace-whether the person is aware of it or not. And I believe that there are also degrees in the quality of forgiveness, which means the greater the offense, the harder is it to forgive that and consequently the more grace would be needed from God if we wish to truly forgive. Hence the act of forgiveness can’t be taken lightly, something that just can simply be dished out or withdrawn. The real essence of Christian forgiveness is being aware of how much God has loved and forgiven us so that we can also do the same to our neighbor. Even the act of forgiving oneself requires grace since it entails accepting our weaknesses and depending on God for strength to bear them.
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Amen

Excellent post !!!
 
spiltteeth said:
I asked my friend (who is a like-warm quasi Catholic) is he ever felt the need to ask for forgiveness.
His answer is pretty typical of todays new-age society. He said he doesn’t look at it that way. He said you have to forgive yourself, guilt doesn’t help anyone, and there’s nothing you can do to fix things in the past, that what’s important is today.
His main point is that its all in the past and what’s done is done.

I myself have a constant burning to ask God’s forgiveness for my transgressions.

What is the Christian response to my friends view point? I hear so much how one must “let go of guilt”

Thanks!
Click to expand...
I believe you should go to the priest and confess your sins. Remember, the priest is just an intermediary between you and God. Therefore, whatever sins you might have, big or small, should be confessed and repent from them. Once you confess your sins, you will feel the grace of our Lord surrounding you and you will feel at peace with yourself.
To repent means not to commit the same sin again.
After you confess your sins, if you need to apologize to somebody for your actions, do it! it is good to accept and apologize when we know we have been acting wrong.
Once you complete these two actions, then, you can forgive yourself and go on with your life. We must humble ourselves and accept when we have done wrong, not only to God, our Lord, but also to the people who had suffered due to our actions.
May the Lord give you peace and guidance.
 
Hmm, I think there is something to his point. By forgiving ourselves we open ourselves to Gods Mercy and Charity, so in a way it could be sign of contrition.

A priest is there for many roles, being a vicar of sorts for God, to represent the congregation, and to help you with your conscience.
 
Sometimes we need to forgive ourselves, even after (or before) God has forgiven us sacramentally. Often we have a harder time forgiving ourselves than being forgiven by God!!!

But forgiving ourselves for being… well… our imperfect selves, while hard, is a necessary step to being able to accept the Grace of God’s forgiveness, it is a necessary step on the way to forgiving others, and it is a necessary step to real change and a turn away from sinful behaviour.

It’s not a new-age concept. It is a topic I have discussed with my confessor in the confessional. There is nothing wrong with mixing new psychological insights with sacramental confession. The issue comes when the concept of self-forgiveness is used to replace sacramental confession. It can’t.

But it makes Grace easier to accept and flow to us through sacramental confession. And it is the key that unlocks the door to being able to change one’s self. Change starts with acceptance of who and what you are even if that is sometimes ugly (think: drug or alcohol addiction, scars from sex abuse, etc.). What, in fact, is the first thing an alcoholic says at an AA meeting or a drug addict at a similar meeting? “Hi, my name is John Doe, and I am an alcoholic”. The first step is accepting who you are and forgiving yourself, so you can open yourself up to receiving forgiveness from God and those you hurt.

Any scientific or psychological insight or knowledge can be either good or bad; our faith and our sacraments provides the framework for those insights to become a force of moral good.
 
spiltteeth said:
I asked my friend (who is a like-warm quasi Catholic) is he ever felt the need to ask for forgiveness.
His answer is pretty typical of todays new-age society. He said he doesn’t look at it that way. He said you have to forgive yourself, guilt doesn’t help anyone, and there’s nothing you can do to fix things in the past, that what’s important is today.
His main point is that its all in the past and what’s done is done.

I myself have a constant burning to ask God’s forgiveness for my transgressions.

What is the Christian response to my friends view point? I hear so much how one must “let go of guilt”

Thanks!
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well I hope a person with this POV never gets married, because this just not work as an attitude to foster a healthy long term loving relationship. Love IS having to say you’re sorry, despite what some seagull may tell you.
 
Methinks the act of “forgiving onself” is the process with getting over guilt. Sometimes it is easy, sometimes prolonged. However, “forgiving oneself” isn’t nearly the same as asking forgiveness from one that we have wronged, including the Almighty himself.
 
Newbie2 said:
Methinks the act of “forgiving onself” is the process with getting over guilt. Sometimes it is easy, sometimes prolonged. However, “forgiving oneself” isn’t nearly the same as asking forgiveness from one that we have wronged, including the Almighty himself.
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Bingo. Said with a beautiful economy of words that I could not muster.
 
Thanks for the responses everyone! I defiantly have a clearer perspective!
God bless!
 
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