Can people In a platonic pre marital relationship share a Bed?

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anon8387311

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Having been single for three years and praying that God would have mercy on name and show me a good woman to marry ( and something to say to her beyond Hello) one day, I have been pondering this question since I want a relationship first and to know what this woman (when she shows up) will be like to live with first.

My question is if someone like myself, quite capable of sharing a bed to sleep in . Or a tent space etc with a woman and it not being an potential occasion for sin (for me at least) and maintaing chastity and modesty.

Can I share a bed with someone in not married to and chat away until I fall asleep, pray together, kiss her goodnight and leave it at that? Or is that living in Sin still and something the community would frown upon (knowing the situation).

I’ve been somewhat lonely the past few years and having a Girlfriend I have to keep at total arms length, until I have enough money to marry her seems a waste of time, and alot of time that would otherwise be spent building trust and affection and closeness without need for sexual relations lost, aimlessly.

Any advice?
 
anon8387311 said:
Can I share a bed with someone in not married to and chat away until I fall asleep, pray together, kiss her goodnight and leave it at that?
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🤔 Would this woman be just like you, and want to have the relationship the same way? Or do you imagine her to be a bit more amorous?
 
She would have to be like myself and see things the same, and know that it is literally just sleeping in the vicinity, not being physically intimate beyond what is acceptable. It would need careful discussion and consideration and boundaries we both agree and can uphold.
 
As someone who, decades ago, did a lot of bed sharing with various people, this is not a good idea, particularly if you and her have any glimmer of attraction to each other.

Seriously, unless you are going to freeze to death in the wilderness unless you share that sleeping bag, just don’t do it. Bad idea.

You can chat away in the living room till you feel sleepy and then she goes to her own room and shuts the door.
 
What about a camping trip? Different sleeping bags of course.
 
anon8387311 said:
having a Girlfriend I have to keep at total arms length, until I have enough money to marry her seems a waste of time
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Sounds as if you might have some more maturing to do before considering dating.

The moral thing is to live chastity according to your state of life. Being chaste with your girlfriend is the furthest thing from a “waste of time” that I can imagine.

Marriage is not about money, it is about commitment. A wedding does not have to cost thousands of dollars.
 
I’m 35 and I get asked by little old ladies if I am a semerian alot 🤣 I have lived a life while lapsed and know all there is to know.

I’m a changed man and a mature one at that, I can easily keep my cool in the heat of a moment and this is why I’m asking. I hope that sounds more appropriate. I’m not saying it’s a waste of time living chastely, rather I’m saying I live chastely while before during and after I am asleep. So having someone doing the same next to me means I at least know if she snores or mumbles in her sleep … Before I marry her

I agree totally about the marriage not needing to cost a fortune and I am of this opinion. Unfortunately modern females today have an Idea about weddings and that they HAVE to be Big, showy spectacles and the organisations who make weddings their business know all this too.

I’m happy to have a small local church wedding with close family and friends and a modest reception, and give money to the church instead who needs it for upkeep and maintainance but I’m unlikely to find a woman who thinks like that I am afraid. Even some Catholic woman I expect.
 
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I think you can have that sort of relationship and not cause scandal. Some people don’t think that. But, technically, you could.

But, as has already been said, it may not be a good idea. That’s ultimately up to you though, especially at your age. I think some posters, including myself, thought you were younger.
 
No I wish I knew now what I did when I was alot younger. I am newly returned to the Faith though after 20+ years of prodigality so I do admittedly have alot to learn and perhaps I am young and inexperienced in the lifestyle of a Catholic Adult in many ways.
 
I really think you should wait until you actually are dating to be concerned about getting some woman to sleep platonically in proximity to you.

If she is a good Catholic, she might decline such activity. I would kind of hope she would say no.
She also might not even like to go camping.

Also, your statement about needing to keep a girlfriend “at total arms length” sounds to me like you don’t understand how to go about chastely dating. Many couples in my parents’ generation prior to the 1950s managed to have engagements, sometimes fairly long ones due to money or other issues like the man having to serve in the military, without needing to be platonically sleeping in the same bed but also without keeping each other “at arms’ length”. There’s a big difference between normal dating activities that might involve an occasional hug or a kiss while the two people are doing some activity together, and a makeout session or two people sleeping in the same bed ostensibly “just to talk”.
 
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Have you never heard of ‘spontaneous combustion?’ Or a short fuse on a stick of dyn-o-mite? Are you seeking approval for a pending disaster? Lol! and nope, nope, nope!
 
Ok, if you want to commit sexual sins and put yourself in near occasion of sin have fun with that. As someone who spent decades doing all kinds of immoral stuff I’m just trying to keep you from repeating my mistakes, but if you’re bound and determined to put yourself in situations dangerous to your chastity, good luck with that and don’t say you weren’t warned.

Your responses just confirm what seems to be an unpreparedness to date responsibly, to me.

Not sure what you’re “forgiving” me for… telling you the truth?
 
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Being asleep to another person is not a sexual sin, but I take your personal view and opinion and we’ll intentioned concern on board with a listening ear.

Thanks and Peace be with you, friend
 
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Can VS Should

Also the Father Mike Schmtiz Video that says no.
  • I hear a lot of times in these cases, is like well, “Yeah we slept in the same bed, but um, you know I stayed the night but, like we didn’t do anything like we didn’t do anything else” (0:58)
  • “…for those three reasons, for the near occasion of sin, the sin of scandal, and … there’s something incredibly … intimate about this that really ultimately should only be for your future spouse.” (5:52)
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anon8387311 said:
Can I share a bed with someone in not married to and chat away until I fall asleep, pray together, kiss her goodnight and leave it at that?
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Most likely no. And by that I mean to answer the question you asked, rather than the one you mean. Are you capable of doing that? Honestly probably just no. Have you been in serious relationships before?
 
NO and it would be very disrespectful to a practising Catholic woman to ask such of her.
 
Tis_Bearself said:
Not sure what you’re “forgiving” me for… telling you the truth?
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anon8387311 said:
For being irrelevant and lacking the humbleness to know that you are so and for trolling this post out of context … as some others have chosen to do so.
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🤨

So apparently you came here just wanting approval for your hypothetical future relationship and sharing a bed and determining whether or not you can marry this girl based on whether or not she snores or mumbles in her sleep.

And when people don’t affirm what seems to you to be an excellent idea, you resort to insults.

🤔

Maybe this question would be better discussed face-to-face with a priest in real life.

Personally, I love the idea of chatting into the wee hours and falling asleep in a man’s arms (or just in the same bed), and then waking up to make breakfast for him, or waking to a fresh cuppa joe prepared by him… But I consider this to be a part of marriage, not an activity for dating and discerning whether I can marry that man. If he’s the right man, I’m not gonna care if he has bad breath, or if he snores, or can’t make a decent cup of coffee.

Just my two cents’ worth. Carry on.
 
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