Can someone help me understand my cousins' views?

  • Thread starter Thread starter littleflower77
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
L

littleflower77

Guest
Hello! I’m a recent convert, and I’m having some trouble understanding the decisions made by my Catholic cousins.

One of my Catholic cousins is pregnant with her boyfriend, and they are getting married in a few months. Her fiance, however, has been married before. He is planning on entering the Church, but he needs to get an annulment. (The annulment should not be a problem because of the circumstances of his former marriage.) My cousin went to her priest, who recommended that they marry before the child is born and that he convert after they are married. My uncle (her father) went to his priest in another state, who said the same thing. However, her siblings refuse to go to the wedding. Although unfortunate, I can understand somewhat how their beliefs contradict them going at least to their sister’s non-Catholic wedding…although I am unsure as to why they would go against the advice of two priests.

But the real problem is this…they refuse to even SEE their sister. At all. So if she decided to go to their parents house for Thanksgiving, they would NOT attend.

I do NOT understand this.

It’s very upsetting to me, for many reasons, but especially because they are the only Catholics in our extended family (besides me) and it sure makes my entire family (who are all pretty upset about their decisions) have negative views about Catholicism.

Can someone make sense of this for me?

Thank you!
 
littleflower77 said:
Hello! I’m a recent convert, and I’m having some trouble understanding the decisions made by my Catholic cousins.

One of my Catholic cousins is pregnant with her boyfriend, and they are getting married in a few months. Her fiance, however, has been married before. He is planning on entering the Church, but he needs to get an annulment. (The annulment should not be a problem because of the circumstances of his former marriage.) My cousin went to her priest, who recommended that they marry before the child is born and that he convert after they are married. My uncle (her father) went to his priest in another state, who said the same thing. However, her siblings refuse to go to the wedding. Although unfortunate, I can understand somewhat how their beliefs contradict them going at least to their sister’s non-Catholic wedding…although I am unsure as to why they would go against the advice of two priests.

But the real problem is this…they refuse to even SEE their sister. At all. So if she decided to go to their parents house for Thanksgiving, they would NOT attend.

I do NOT understand this.

It’s very upsetting to me, for many reasons, but especially because they are the only Catholics in our extended family (besides me) and it sure makes my entire family (who are all pretty upset about their decisions) have negative views about Catholicism.

Can someone make sense of this for me?

Thank you!
Click to expand...
I do not understand it either. 😦

How unfortunate that they would take this sort of attitude.
 
littleflower77 said:
Hello! I’m a recent convert, and I’m having some trouble understanding the decisions made by my Catholic cousins.

One of my Catholic cousins is pregnant with her boyfriend, and they are getting married in a few months. Her fiance, however, has been married before. He is planning on entering the Church, but he needs to get an annulment. (The annulment should not be a problem because of the circumstances of his former marriage.) My cousin went to her priest, who recommended that they marry before the child is born and that he convert after they are married. My uncle (her father) went to his priest in another state, who said the same thing. However, her siblings refuse to go to the wedding. Although unfortunate, I can understand somewhat how their beliefs contradict them going at least to their sister’s non-Catholic wedding…although I am unsure as to why they would go against the advice of two priests.

But the real problem is this…they refuse to even SEE their sister. At all. So if she decided to go to their parents house for Thanksgiving, they would NOT attend.

I do NOT understand this.

It’s very upsetting to me, for many reasons, but especially because they are the only Catholics in our extended family (besides me) and it sure makes my entire family (who are all pretty upset about their decisions) have negative views about Catholicism.

Can someone make sense of this for me?

Thank you!
Click to expand...
Based off of what I gleaned from the above situation…
I understand completely their refusal to attend the marriage. Having said that, I do not understand the anger behind the sisters completely breaking off their relationship with your cousin.

I don’t understand the two priests positions concerning their supposed support of a non-sacramental marriage taking place. The situation is a sad one for sure, but decisions were made (pre-martial sex) and now a baby is on the way. Your cousin’s boyfriend is not free to marry. For a Catholic to attend such a wedding would be considered scandalous. It gives the appearance that since Catholics are there supporting the “bride” and “groom” in this “ceremony” that it is acceptable. The fact is, it is not acceptable. What the priests should have advised, was that the couple live apart and stop the sex. The boyfriend petitions for annulment (the process can take a long time to complete… 1 or 2 years sometimes). If a declaration of nullity is granted, the boyfriend would then be considered free to marry your cousin. By putting the horse before the cart your cousin and her boyfriend are attempting to build a “marriage” on top of a very weak foundation. What if the annulment is not granted? What if, after the “marriage” to your cousin, the boyfriend changes his mind and decides not to go through with the annulment, let alone become Catholic?

The fact is, your cousin should never have entered a relationship (physical or otherwise) with this man… because he is assumed to be married despite having a civil divorce. But that is water under the bridge; however, they are not justified to continue making more errors (and thus sinning).
 
littleflower77 said:
Can someone make sense of this for me?
Click to expand...
I seriously doubt it. 😦

People have a hard time sometimes with “not condoning sin” and “love one another.” They convince themselves that acting uncharitably is actually being loving by not condoning sin, so to speak.

The thing to remember is: all these people seem to be trying to do what is right, in their own eyes. Accept them and love them as best you can and pray for everyone. I suggest you try to not take a “side.” If one side or the other rejects you because you won’t side with them, well, maybe focusing anger on you will keep them from focusing so much on each other and that’s a blessing.

God bless you abundantly.
 
littleflower77 said:
Hello! I’m a recent convert, and I’m having some trouble understanding the decisions made by my Catholic cousins.

One of my Catholic cousins is pregnant with her boyfriend, and they are getting married in a few months. Her fiance, however, has been married before. He is planning on entering the Church, but he needs to get an annulment. (The annulment should not be a problem because of the circumstances of his former marriage.) My cousin went to her priest, who recommended that they marry before the child is born and that he convert after they are married. My uncle (her father) went to his priest in another state, who said the same thing. However, her siblings refuse to go to the wedding. Although unfortunate, I can understand somewhat how their beliefs contradict them going at least to their sister’s non-Catholic wedding…although I am unsure as to why they would go against the advice of two priests.

But the real problem is this…they refuse to even SEE their sister. At all. So if she decided to go to their parents house for Thanksgiving, they would NOT attend.

I do NOT understand this.

It’s very upsetting to me, for many reasons, but especially because they are the only Catholics in our extended family (besides me) and it sure makes my entire family (who are all pretty upset about their decisions) have negative views about Catholicism.

Can someone make sense of this for me?

Thank you!
Click to expand...
It is none of your business. Stay out of it and avoid the heartaches.
 
Lost_Sheep said:
It is none of your business. Stay out of it and avoid the heartaches.
Click to expand...
I disagree. As someone who’s seen this sort of drama between siblings, I know how badly extended family support is often needed.
 
Bezant said:
I disagree. As someone who’s seen this sort of drama between siblings, I know how badly extended family support is often needed.
Click to expand...
Has the OP’s cousin asked for support? If not she should stay out of it.
 
littleflower77 said:
Hello! I’m a recent convert, and I’m having some trouble understanding the decisions made by my Catholic cousins.

One of my Catholic cousins is pregnant with her boyfriend, and they are getting married in a few months. Her fiance, however, has been married before. He is planning on entering the Church, but he needs to get an annulment. (The annulment should not be a problem because of the circumstances of his former marriage.) My cousin went to her priest, who recommended that they marry before the child is born and that he convert after they are married. My uncle (her father) went to his priest in another state, who said the same thing. However, her siblings refuse to go to the wedding. Although unfortunate, I can understand somewhat how their beliefs contradict them going at least to their sister’s non-Catholic wedding…although I am unsure as to why they would go against the advice of two priests.

But the real problem is this…they refuse to even SEE their sister. At all. So if she decided to go to their parents house for Thanksgiving, they would NOT attend.

I do NOT understand this.

It’s very upsetting to me, for many reasons, but especially because they are the only Catholics in our extended family (besides me) and it sure makes my entire family (who are all pretty upset about their decisions) have negative views about Catholicism.

Can someone make sense of this for me?

Thank you!
Click to expand...
I would ask MY priest for some clarity of the situation with the details you have been provided and ask him how he thinks you should best address all involved in the situation and act accordingly.
 
littleflower77 said:
Hello! I’m a recent convert, and I’m having some trouble understanding the decisions made by my Catholic cousins.

One of my Catholic cousins is pregnant with her boyfriend, and they are getting married in a few months. Her fiance, however, has been married before. He is planning on entering the Church, but he needs to get an annulment. (The annulment should not be a problem because of the circumstances of his former marriage.) My cousin went to her priest, who recommended that they marry before the child is born and that he convert after they are married. My uncle (her father) went to his priest in another state, who said the same thing. However, her siblings refuse to go to the wedding. Although unfortunate, I can understand somewhat how their beliefs contradict them going at least to their sister’s non-Catholic wedding…although I am unsure as to why they would go against the advice of two priests.

But the real problem is this…they refuse to even SEE their sister. At all. So if she decided to go to their parents house for Thanksgiving, they would NOT attend.

I do NOT understand this.

It’s very upsetting to me, for many reasons, but especially because they are the only Catholics in our extended family (besides me) and it sure makes my entire family (who are all pretty upset about their decisions) have negative views about Catholicism.

Can someone make sense of this for me?

Thank you!
Click to expand...
It is quite possible that part of the reason they don’t wish to see her is because they would have absolutely nothing good to say to her. If you were ripe with anger at someone and had not yet got yourself to the point where you could forgive them, would it not be smart to stay away from them until you got to that point? In all aspects they may be doing her a favor by telling her not to show up, and she should just know she is going to have to give them time before they are able to look past her past and current wrongs.
 
littleflower77 said:
Hello! I’m a recent convert, and I’m having some trouble understanding the decisions made by my Catholic cousins.

One of my Catholic cousins is pregnant with her boyfriend, and they are getting married in a few months. Her fiance, however, has been married before. He is planning on entering the Church, but he needs to get an annulment. (The annulment should not be a problem because of the circumstances of his former marriage.) My cousin went to her priest, who recommended that they marry before the child is born and that he convert after they are married. My uncle (her father) went to his priest in another state, who said the same thing. However, her siblings refuse to go to the wedding. Although unfortunate, I can understand somewhat how their beliefs contradict them going at least to their sister’s non-Catholic wedding…although I am unsure as to why they would go against the advice of two priests.

But the real problem is this…they refuse to even SEE their sister. At all. So if she decided to go to their parents house for Thanksgiving, they would NOT attend.

I do NOT understand this.

It’s very upsetting to me, for many reasons, but especially because they are the only Catholics in our extended family (besides me) and it sure makes my entire family (who are all pretty upset about their decisions) have negative views about Catholicism.

Can someone make sense of this for me?

Thank you!
Click to expand...
Honestly I think that the priests are one of the first causes of the problems. People should not get married because they are pregnant, that takes away the full and free consent from the marriage. The Church has spoken more than once on the topic of this kind of weddings. People should not get married in a civil marriage independently of the Catholic marriage because that takes away the full and free consent from the marriage. People that are not in a regular position, as in free to get married, should not get married. The priests have given indications that clearly go against the teachings and procedures of the Church, the Catholics relatives that know better are clearly conflicted with what is going on and I can see why they do not want to attend such a marriage.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top