C
Clearwater14
Guest
Carmen,It is heading towards the right direction. Listen to your Pastor. I can’t believe your priest even suggested divorce! I have been down that road and believe me, no one wins. The kids especially.
If your husband was having an affair that would be hard to forgive. You are grappling with something different. It is still hard, but it isn’t impossible. When my marriage faltered, we went to a few counsellors. They didn’t help. It’s like trying to find a good doctor. Some are just not up to scratch. Then you find a counsellor who is down to earth. Understands divorce is the most damaging solution and reconciliation is the best outcome for the whole family.
Our Pastor, after hearing our different issues, understood, we had serious problems. He said, “This kind of marriage (blended family) is impossible. But with God, nothing is impossible.”
We struggled on for a couple more years but during that time we had found a good counsellor. He helped us set boundaries so the kids (6 all up) didn’t consume so much of the time we had for each other. Set priorities straight. We were each others priority. And we both created new ground by compromise.
We have benefited so much from the whole experience. The problems actually improved our ability to give to the other and put our love to work in the marriage. You can’t have the sweet without the bitter.
God helped us. We would pray together for our marriage. I prayed for him, though, he had hurt me so much. There is no better spiritual medicine than to pray for someone who has hurt you. Your husband needs prayer for God to help him see that the things he has been looking at and doing (?) are affecting his way of thinking and taking him and his family own the road of destruction. He needs to get his head in the bible. Listen to apologists like Ravi Zacharius who will show him how destructive porn is and help him see things in the light of God’s Word.
You know, when I went thru my marriage problems, I just wanted out. A divorce was so much easier than to stay and work at the marriage. I thought it was all his fault. Why did he betray me like this? Life would be better if I could go back to being on my own. No husband.
I am so, so glad I didn’t divorce him. God showed me what I needed to do. I had to look at my faults not just his. Now, I have a husband who is the love of my life. God changed both of us as he carried us over the cracks that were destroying our marriage.
I know the devil is around but God has your back! When Wigglesworth woke because he sensed an evil presence, he saw Satan at the other end of the room. Wigglesworth said “Oh, it’s only you”. Rolled over and went back to sleep.
I didn’t give the devil a glancing thought. I just concentrated on the things God was showing me. Read my bible. Prayed for my husband. I started calling him by endearing names, like sweetheart, darling. Telling him I loved him. Looking at his good qualities. No one is all bad. The things I first loved about him were still there. Just covered up by my anger, resentment and insistence he should be treating me better.
Eventually, the cycle broke. I had forgiven him and forgotten all the hurt. We don’t talk about it. But we know how God turned it for good.
One last thing. God showed me, if I didn’t forgive my husband, God wouldn’t forgive me. That’s scriptural, so I knew I needed to listen to God and try everything I could to get past my unforgiveness.
Dont give up on your husband. Don’t give up on God. Abide in Him like a branch connected to the vine and He will get you both to a place where you will have a happy marriage and a united family.
We have been agreeing in prayer for you and your husband.
Carmen
Thank you for your long response. What type of marriage problems were you having? Did your husband cheat on you? My Pastor only suggested divorce if my husband didn’t change his ways and continued to go to strip clubs. However, since my husband has stopped going, my Pastor said that I should forgive him and give him another chance.
I do believe “evil” is trying to keep the memories of hurt and pain that my husband has caused me in my mind. It seems that ever time I reach out to get help, something blocks my efforts. For example, when I tried to see my Catholic Marriage Counselor for the first time, my GPS stopped working. I got lost and couldn’t find her office. When I tried to look up a Christian Forum Website my computer crashed. When it finally went back on, the website was nowhere to be found. When I tried to call my Priest for an appointment, the numbers on my cell phone wouldn’t register. I had to try 10 times to punch in his phone number and it finally began to dial his number. I do believe this is evil putting road blocks to stop me from receiving the spiritual help that I need to save my marriage. I have many examples of “weird” stuff going on. These are just a few things that have been happening.
I am going to pray very hard. I am going to ask God to give me the strength that I need to forgive my husband.
Please continue to pray for me.
