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Kateloran99
Guest
But these are business expenses. I can’t make money unless I spend some and I can’t even use my checking account. It has to be an amazon card. He knows this.
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maryjk
Guest
You can use a checking account on Amazon.
I have to agree that opening a new credit card account is not in your best interest.
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AnastasiaRomano
Guest
Get a debit card linked to your small business’s checking account. Amazon will still take it. And you wouldn’t incur more debt.
Amazon also allows you to pay from a US-based checking account:
amazon.com/gp/help/customer/display.html/ref=hp_rel_topic/180-6706288-7034424?ie=UTF8&nodeId=15399401
The last thing you need right now is more debt (whether business or personal).
Edited to add that I agree with Monicad above that your problems are more serious than an Amazon credit card or whatnot. Advice from Internet strangers, even well-intentioned advice, won’t solve the serious problems you have. If venting is emotionally helpful, that’s good, but please also seek professional and pastoral help and advice.
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hurting
Guest
Yes, it can be saved.
I strongly encourage you not to separate much less divorce. Whatever financial problems you have now will magnify, and your shild will suffer immensely. For now, at least, you need to undertake some serious financial planning and budget prioritization and get your fiscal house in order. I don’t buy the argument that you can’t downsize your household budget on your own, especially if you’re the one bringing home the bacon.
Yes, your husband needs some serious pastoral counselling on the other issues, but you have a wolf at the door, so to speak.
I strongly encourage you not to separate much less divorce. Whatever financial problems you have now will magnify, and your shild will suffer immensely. For now, at least, you need to undertake some serious financial planning and budget prioritization and get your fiscal house in order. I don’t buy the argument that you can’t downsize your household budget on your own, especially if you’re the one bringing home the bacon.
Yes, your husband needs some serious pastoral counselling on the other issues, but you have a wolf at the door, so to speak.
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Kateloran99
Guest
It is true. I am very sad and emotionally shot. I need to realize the big problems aren’t easily fixed unless he wants them to be… And he hasn’t shown any effort. It’s time to move on and stop looking and complaining about trivial things.
And to answer the question about downsizing… Both of our names are on the lease. My husband will NOT move and when I said I will… He said “are you threatening me and going to leave me with a lease that I can’t possibly afford alone?”. He demanded that we both stay. He will NOT allow me to talk to the landlords about getting a new tenant. I could do that on my own… But HIS name is on the lease too.
And to answer the question about downsizing… Both of our names are on the lease. My husband will NOT move and when I said I will… He said “are you threatening me and going to leave me with a lease that I can’t possibly afford alone?”. He demanded that we both stay. He will NOT allow me to talk to the landlords about getting a new tenant. I could do that on my own… But HIS name is on the lease too.
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hurting
Guest
I suspect that the rent is only the tip of the iceberg if you are working more than full-time. What about your other expenses?
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Kateloran99
Guest
Yes we have 2 large car payments. I told my husband that we could let one go in the bankruptcy and use my 401k loan to buy a moderate car (10k) as our second car. He got upset, looked through the online availability and told me that he can’t find anything reliable at that price point. He said he would rather get a lease on a new car and just reduce our car payment.
We also have a nanny, but she was only to stay through the summer. Well, he told me he asked his boss if he could work 7:30 to 3:30 so he could pick up our child at school with only an hour of after school care (at the school). The boss said yes so that was the plan. But he quickly told me that it wasn’t going to be that easy… He would run errands and not get our son from the nanny until 6:30. He would say he had to work late and couldn’t do xyz. Long story short I told him a few weeks ago … that we needed to get rid of the nanny and he needed to make his schedule happen. (my work requires me to be there until 6:30).
He said he would talk to his boss again. He did and said “it could work”. But it has been a week and he has been home after 6 every single night.
I don’t doubt that he’s working… But he has no TRUE desire to help us knock off that excessive expense.
We also have a nanny, but she was only to stay through the summer. Well, he told me he asked his boss if he could work 7:30 to 3:30 so he could pick up our child at school with only an hour of after school care (at the school). The boss said yes so that was the plan. But he quickly told me that it wasn’t going to be that easy… He would run errands and not get our son from the nanny until 6:30. He would say he had to work late and couldn’t do xyz. Long story short I told him a few weeks ago … that we needed to get rid of the nanny and he needed to make his schedule happen. (my work requires me to be there until 6:30).
He said he would talk to his boss again. He did and said “it could work”. But it has been a week and he has been home after 6 every single night.
I don’t doubt that he’s working… But he has no TRUE desire to help us knock off that excessive expense.
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Xantippe
Guest
“He would run errands and not get our son from the nanny until 6:30.”
There’s a lot of weirdness in what you say about his schedule, especially all those errands. Taking it at face value, that 7:30 start time doesn’t work very well, does it, if he needs to work late consistently.
You also have your son in Catholic school, correct?
There’s a lot of weirdness in what you say about his schedule, especially all those errands. Taking it at face value, that 7:30 start time doesn’t work very well, does it, if he needs to work late consistently.
You also have your son in Catholic school, correct?
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Xantippe
Guest
I suspect he probably can’t leave work at 3:30 consistently and keep his job. From what you’ve said, he’s on thin ice at work as it is. They may not like his time management style, either.
Could you replace the nanny with a longer stretch at school aftercare? Of course, your son would need to be picked up on the dot.
Could you replace the nanny with a longer stretch at school aftercare? Of course, your son would need to be picked up on the dot.
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Kateloran99
Guest
Yes he does go to catholic school. The tuition is paid for the year. Next year it will be public because of money.
My husband pushed the Catholic school for a number of reasons but one included the fact that he could drop him off early before his work and it has a great after school program. Well all that’s happened is that I drop our son off at school in the morning and my husband leaves at 7:30 for work. He does get home sooner than I do … But he will tell me that he sits in traffic… Had to go to cleaners… Stopped at the grocery store. All things that this nanny could have done! Or HE could have picked up our son and ran the errands with him. He told me I was acting ridiculous. He didn’t want our son to have to sit in traffic.
My husband pushed the Catholic school for a number of reasons but one included the fact that he could drop him off early before his work and it has a great after school program. Well all that’s happened is that I drop our son off at school in the morning and my husband leaves at 7:30 for work. He does get home sooner than I do … But he will tell me that he sits in traffic… Had to go to cleaners… Stopped at the grocery store. All things that this nanny could have done! Or HE could have picked up our son and ran the errands with him. He told me I was acting ridiculous. He didn’t want our son to have to sit in traffic.
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hurting
Guest
Let me get this straight…
Between you and your husband you work the equivalent of 2+ fulltime jobs and can’t make ends meet. Sorry for the brutal reality but here goes:
Why on earth do you have two car payments? Much, much, much more importantly - why do you have a nanny?
I suspect if we probed further, we’d uncover other superfluous spending.
BTW, if you think your money problems are going to be solved by divorce, you are certifiable. They will get exponentially worse.
Sorry to be so blunt, but I literally am watching financial armageddon unfold before my eyes. My wife divorced me (filed in October 2010; decree issued this past April) and is learning that all of the people who told her it would be better post-divorce were either trying to sell her something (attorney fees), wanted her to wallow in their misery with them (other divorcees) or were patently ignorant of the havoc a divorce wreaks on a family. So far I’m managing to keep my head above water (barely), but she literally is going to have nothing.
Get your financial house in order and work on your marriage!
P.S. I am skeptical of the profitability of the PT business to which you refer. are you employign a nanny and/or otherwise subsidizing an unprofitable business venture? do you even know?
Between you and your husband you work the equivalent of 2+ fulltime jobs and can’t make ends meet. Sorry for the brutal reality but here goes:
Why on earth do you have two car payments? Much, much, much more importantly - why do you have a nanny?
I suspect if we probed further, we’d uncover other superfluous spending.
BTW, if you think your money problems are going to be solved by divorce, you are certifiable. They will get exponentially worse.
Sorry to be so blunt, but I literally am watching financial armageddon unfold before my eyes. My wife divorced me (filed in October 2010; decree issued this past April) and is learning that all of the people who told her it would be better post-divorce were either trying to sell her something (attorney fees), wanted her to wallow in their misery with them (other divorcees) or were patently ignorant of the havoc a divorce wreaks on a family. So far I’m managing to keep my head above water (barely), but she literally is going to have nothing.
Get your financial house in order and work on your marriage!
P.S. I am skeptical of the profitability of the PT business to which you refer. are you employign a nanny and/or otherwise subsidizing an unprofitable business venture? do you even know?
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Kateloran99
Guest
Well how do I fix this without his assistance?
I can’t get our son in time from the “after school daycare” … My work goes too late. My husband should be able to… But he doesn’t. Hence the nanny. Without the nanny our son would be without proper pickup/care. Husband can’t seem to fix that even though HE could.
And we lease our vehicles. I suggested that if I file bankruptcy then the car in my name can be returned via bankruptcy. He panicked and said no that he would not drive just any car.
We have a lease on our house. Both names on it. I asked him if we could talk to landlords and get into a less expensive house. He said no. He won’t do that. If “I” do that … He refuses to move because he says the landlords may sue us.
So how do I fix this on my own? I’m literally trapped. I feel awful but I don’t have a teammate!
I can’t get our son in time from the “after school daycare” … My work goes too late. My husband should be able to… But he doesn’t. Hence the nanny. Without the nanny our son would be without proper pickup/care. Husband can’t seem to fix that even though HE could.
And we lease our vehicles. I suggested that if I file bankruptcy then the car in my name can be returned via bankruptcy. He panicked and said no that he would not drive just any car.
We have a lease on our house. Both names on it. I asked him if we could talk to landlords and get into a less expensive house. He said no. He won’t do that. If “I” do that … He refuses to move because he says the landlords may sue us.
So how do I fix this on my own? I’m literally trapped. I feel awful but I don’t have a teammate!
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hurting
Guest
You asked, so here goes…
Fire the nanny - NOW!
You need to talk to a debt counselor immediately. The cars are leased? If they are in your name - return one early and refuse to make the payments. You rent a house that you can’t afford? I see a lot of red flags here that I suspect took that active particpation of both of you to create a totally unsustainable lifestyle.
What about the business to which you refer? Is it profitable including the opportunity cost of the foregone wages you and/or your husband could otherwise earn through other employment?
Sorry, but I think perhaps you are otherwise unhappy with your marriage and are looking at your financial circumstances as a rationalization to end it. I think the mirro has some answers for you as to how to address this matter
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Kateloran99
Guest
Yes my side business brings in about 600 a month.
My husband does no additional work other than his full time job.
If I fire the nanny … Who watches my son? My husband will be “stuck in traffic” and I can NOT get out of work. I can’t endanger my child and I’m 100 percent sure my husband won’t worry.
I had to have surgery in another city… He didn’t even ask where I was going? Which doctor? Contact info., he just called and told me I better get home because he had to work late and the nanny couldn’t work. I had to leave against doctors orders.
My husband does no additional work other than his full time job.
If I fire the nanny … Who watches my son? My husband will be “stuck in traffic” and I can NOT get out of work. I can’t endanger my child and I’m 100 percent sure my husband won’t worry.
I had to have surgery in another city… He didn’t even ask where I was going? Which doctor? Contact info., he just called and told me I better get home because he had to work late and the nanny couldn’t work. I had to leave against doctors orders.
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PennyinCanada
Guest
Did you return the furniture?
Did you return the money to his dad?
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Kateloran99
Guest
He got angry and told me that I couldn’t. Said he knew his dad better than anyone and to stay out of it. So no… It was not returned. And his father hasn’t seemed phased by it.
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hurting
Guest
Is this gross or net of expenses? Could you make more if either of you worked more at a part-time job?
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Xantippe
Guest
The car lease in your name is under your control. Likewise, although you have signed the house lease, that lease will eventually be up. Refuse to sign a new lease on the house or for anything else that you know you can’t afford. It would be nicer to get out of the house lease early, but the difficulties you’ve laid out (your husband’s refusal to move) are rather large. However, maybe you should try to find a new tenant (maybe on Craigslist?) and arrange to move. If your husband wants to move with you, fine. If he doesn’t, well, you know where you stand–it was the house he loved, not you.
By the way, did you or your husband really pay cash upfront for a year of Catholic school while you were on the brink of bankruptcy? How did you even manage that?
Don’t feel like we’re beating up on you–it’s a complicated story, and a lot of people are tuning in late.
By the way, did you or your husband really pay cash upfront for a year of Catholic school while you were on the brink of bankruptcy? How did you even manage that?
Don’t feel like we’re beating up on you–it’s a complicated story, and a lot of people are tuning in late.
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Kateloran99
Guest
Thanks for your replies. The income is “net”. Passive income.
The catholic tuition was a nightmare. My husbands dad offered to pay the tuition. We said no that’s okay… He insisted. So when it came time to sign up there was still no check. So I borrowed money to pay until the check came. Well i finally asked my husband to find out where it was (son was supposed to go to public school originally). Husbands dad gave us a check for a couple hundred. Not the ENTIRE amount. So I got stuck with the bill. Turns out they couldn’t cover it. The school would not refund the money.
On that note… I have a question.
My husband’s father is coming in from out of state next week. My husband booked the dates and just told me when he’s coming. He comes in on wednesday and leaves Sunday afternoon.
I work full time as does he… He took no time off to spend with his dad. He will not have a car, either. (refuses to drive in our city).
So I just got asked by my boss to go on a educational workshop trip the weekend his dad is here. (company picks up the tab)
My husband told me to tell my boss no. Is he right? Should I do that? I feel very worried about doing that!
The catholic tuition was a nightmare. My husbands dad offered to pay the tuition. We said no that’s okay… He insisted. So when it came time to sign up there was still no check. So I borrowed money to pay until the check came. Well i finally asked my husband to find out where it was (son was supposed to go to public school originally). Husbands dad gave us a check for a couple hundred. Not the ENTIRE amount. So I got stuck with the bill. Turns out they couldn’t cover it. The school would not refund the money.
On that note… I have a question.
My husband’s father is coming in from out of state next week. My husband booked the dates and just told me when he’s coming. He comes in on wednesday and leaves Sunday afternoon.
I work full time as does he… He took no time off to spend with his dad. He will not have a car, either. (refuses to drive in our city).
So I just got asked by my boss to go on a educational workshop trip the weekend his dad is here. (company picks up the tab)
My husband told me to tell my boss no. Is he right? Should I do that? I feel very worried about doing that!
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