Can two Catholics get married if one of them doesn't believe everything the Church teaches

[Tis_Bearself]

Somehow my husband and I (married 25 years ago) missed out on the quiz/ assessment. No such thing was ever brought up. I wonder how ours would have come out. Our pastor barely even asked us any questions verbally.

 

[Holly3278]

Thanks everyone. As for the assessment thing, we’re having trouble getting it done. If you don’t mind, please pray that we would get our issue with logging in solved so that way we can get the assessment done before Thanksgiving. Our priest would like us to get it done before Advent if possible.

 

[Mtatum1958]

We were in college in St. Louis in 1983. The priest who we worked with ( and catechised and brought my wife into the church) said we should go on a Marriage Encounter Weekend after we were married. We went 9 years later, then became part of the presenting team in our Diocese. May God bless his soul.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

We did Engaged Encounter to fulfill pre-Cana. Our experience of it was more like “okay here’s another hoop we need to jump through.” On the stuff like values-ordering exercises, our orders would come out almost exactly the same and we weren’t too surprised as we had already been in a relationship for 10 years.

We did enjoy walking around the beautiful monastery grounds.

 

[Phemie]

Somehow my husband and I (married 25 years ago) missed out on the quiz/ assessment. No such thing was ever brought up. I wonder how ours would have come out. Our pastor barely even asked us any questions verbally.

There was no quiz for us 44 years ago. We didn’t even meet with the priest together. I was in one province and met with my Pastor once; he’s non-Catholic, was in the military posted 2 provinces away, and met with the Catholic Padre. I presume a lot of paperwork was involved to make sure all the Ts were crossed and Is were dotted.

 

[Gorgias]

You’ll be asked three things:

1. Will you be accepting of children should God send some your way?
2. Do you intend to be faithful?
3. Do you intend this marriage to be until death?

To be fair, that’s an incomplete list. The things that the priest or deacon who talks with them will be attempting to determine are whether they consent to enter into a Christian marriage as the Church defines it, whether they are free to marry, and whether any other impediments to marriage exist.

In my diocese, this is discerned with the following questions:

• consent to Christian marriage
  • intent to enter into a permanent, indissoluble marriage
  • fidelity to one’s spouse for life
  • intent to exchange the right to sexual relations and children
  • not hiding any facts about oneself that would invalidate consent on the part of one’s fiance
  • not under pressure to by a person or circumstance to enter the marriage
• freedom to marry
  • not bound by religious vows or ordination
  • not a relative to one’s fiance, or an in-law or related by adoption
  • not already in a valid marriage

There’s also the question of any other impediments to marriage (which get somewhat technical, with respect to canon law).

But, to @Holly3278’s question, there aren’t any tests of one’s belief system (other than what the couple believes with respect to the sacrament of marriage in the context of their case).

 

[twf]

Yeah our situation was somewhat complex as well. I met with the local priest, in the diocese where we were to get married, by myself. He arranged all the paper work, including dispensation from form (my wife is protestant and we didn’t have a Catholic wedding) as I had at least a quasi-domicile there at the time. In her home country, I met with her and a random local priest…with the paper from my home diocese in hand. She translated it for him, she answered the questions bilingually, I wrote them down myself in English, the priest stamped it, and I sent it back to the home diocese. I don’t think I was supposed to write my wife’s answers (do you intend marriage to be for life? Etc), but the priest wasn’t confident in his English.

 

[Margaret_Ann]

You could still get validly married in the Catholic Church. However, the Sacrament of Matrimony has to be received in the state of sanctifying grace as seen here (boldface in original):

“Of these Sacraments, some give sanctifying grace, and others increase it in our souls. Baptism and Penance give sanctifying grace. They are called Sacraments of the Dead because they restore spiritual life to souls that are deprived of it. The other five are Sacraments of the Living. They increase sanctifying grace which is the life of our souls. The Sacraments of the Living must be received in the state of grace, otherwise it would be a sacrilege. … Besides the sanctifying grace common to all the Sacraments, God has annexed a special grace to each of them. This grace is characteristic of each Sacrament. It is called sacramental grace. Its purpose is to help attain the end for which each Sacrament is instituted by God. … The marrying couple should go to confession and receive Holy Communion. This will secure a special blessing of Christ upon their union.”

Source: Schudlo, Rev. M., compiler. My Divine Friend. Yorktown, SK, Canada: Redeemer’s Voice Press, pp. 39-40, 45-46.

If your fiance is struggling to understand what the Church teaches on marriage and why persons who have SSAD can’t get married then he should talk to a good Catholic priest, read a good Catholic catechism and most of all pray that God will help him to accept everything the Church infallibly teaches.

I was engaged once but broke it off (long story posted on another thread). God used a good priest to save me from a bad marriage (and he was Catholic too!) otherwise I wouldn’t be posting this today.

 

[InThePew]

I’m not so much concerned about how it will affect our marriage. I’m more concerned as to whether or not we will be allowed to get married in the Catholic Church. Will the Catholic Church still marry us if he has doubts about some of the teachings of the Catholic Church?

We don’t require Catholic couples to undertake a catechism exam prior to getting married - or even to be practising. The bigger issue however is how it will affect your relationship together. Differences in religious belief (as well as differences in intensity of religious belief) can easily become a source of tension in married life - especially if they’re swept under the carpet. I’m not saying you need to thrash it out totally right now, before you get married, but it is perhaps something you and your fiance need to have a conversation about (if you haven’t already done so).

 

[Frankie65]

If your fiance is struggling to understand what the Church teaches on marriage and why persons who have SSAD can’t get married then he should talk to a good Catholic priest, read a good Catholic catechism and most of all pray that God will help him to accept everything the Church infallibly teaches.

This is the warning which everyone thinking of getting married to someone needs to listen to @Holly3278

Love tends to blind…but getting married to someone who rejects a core teaching of the church …and this is what the ssm issue is…very very bright red flags should be flapping

The soul cannot abide truth in this one very serious issue, it will not…eventually…abide it anywhere else

Also, finally, despite passing assessment, quizzes etc. , there is a dishonesty in getting married in front of God’s most Holy Tabernacle where His Son resides if truth is not loved

 

[Margaret_Ann]

The soul cannot abide truth in this one very serious issue, it will not…eventually…abide it anywhere else

Also, finally, despite passing assessment, quizzes etc. , there is a dishonesty in getting married in front of God’s most Holy Tabernacle where His Son resides if truth is not loved

Exactly!

John 14: 5: Thomas saith to him: Lord, we know not whither thou goest; and how can we know the way?

[6] Jesus saith to him: I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No man cometh to the Father, but by me.

He IS Truth Incarnate.

It’s almost like saying “I accept everything the Church teaches but (fill in the blank).”, which is not Catholic. Imo, if I was engaged to this guy, I’d call off the wedding. It’s better to be single than in a bad marriage (I know this from personal experience - posted earlier on this thread).

 

[SMHW]

In general, I think there is nothing to stop a Catholic who struggles with some teachings of the Church from getting married, so long as this person agrees (and agrees enthusiastically) with the duties and responsibilities of marriage. These would be the same things expected of a non-Catholic.

The issue that could be a problem in this case is that the would-be husband seems to struggle with the nature of marriage. That doesn’t necessarily translate into difficulties with the practical aspects of marriage. But it does suggest that this couple should discuss what they will teach their children about the purpose of marriage.

 

[Usige]

So there are no rules that says he has to believe everything that the Catholic Church teaches in order for us to get married in the Church?

There is no quiz on adherence to all the precepts of Catholicism…

But he must believe that what the Church teaches about marriage is true. Namely:

• it is between one man and one woman
• for the whole of life
• open to the gift of children

If I was doing the marriage prep, a Catholic that supported same sex marriage would raise flags about the person’s understanding about the purpose and nature of marriage. That doesn’t mean it would be denied, but it does likely mean there would be greater discussion with the couple about marriage in God’s plan for salvation and how ssm stands in opposition to that plan.

 

[Anicette]

of course! An act of faith is not requiered by the Church.

It is the case for the vast majority of marriages.

But the fiancés still have to agree to the 4 pillars of the sacrament of matriomony.

The main question: why do you want to marry a man who does not believe in all the Church teaches and what consequences it can bring?

 

[JanR]

Yes, you can, as long as you raise your kids in the Catholic faith. You can get a dispensation, and still marry in the Church. My parents did it. Mother was Catholic, father was not, but we kids were still raised in the Church. Dad was respectful of that, and sometimes even attended Mass with us.