Can you help with some sexual issues from someone searching for God?

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graydjames

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I suspect this may be a common question. I need also to be very frank which slightly embarrasses me, especially if any reader might ever recognise me; but I need to be entirely open and honest in seeking some resolution to what is becoming for me a great difficulty.

I was brought up in the Church of England; was baptised and confirmed and had a strong Faith until I was in my twenties when my Faith slowly ebbed away. I am now almost 57 and have done a lot of reading and I find myself pulled towards God again. I find the Protestant faith unfulfiling. It gives me no answers or sense of belonging. I am finding myself pulled towards the Catholic Church in my search for God and I am considering attending introductory meetings at my parish Catholic Church which start soon in late September.

I was born with a serious and very personal medical condition that, whilst now well treated, left me finding relationships difficult and I never married nor ever had a regular partner. Nonetheless I have always had a fairly strong sex drive and, inevitably, masturbation has played an important role in relieving sexual tension and, I must state quite honestly and clearly, giving me sexual pleasure that other men enjoy in marital relationships - albeit with the essential motive of procreation behind it.

I have read much about the Catholic view on masturbation on this site and elsewhere on the internet and in two books that I have purchased on the Faith and in the Catechism itself, which I have also purchased. I have read that it is a mortal sin, except in only very limited circumstances that would not apply to me.

I understand the arguments proferred by the Catholic Church as to the reasons for the stance taken. However, I find it hard to accept the tenets of the argument and, more especially, I cannot see myself ever being able to abstain from masturbation. The satisfaction of the sex drive is as fundamental as satisfying hunger and thirst by food and drink.

I find it very difficult to understand how something as incredibly powerful and wonderful as the sexual climax, which presumably must be seen as given to us by God, can be made the subject of a general prohibition except in very specific (and limited given the other rulings of the Church) circumstances.

I know I cannot pick and choose which parts of the Faith I take on board. I do not seek to do that. I could not enter the Catholic Church knowing that I was continually going to commit what it sees as mortal sin. So this effectively bars me.

I ask simply, is there no hope for me? Should I even go to the meetings if I am in the full knowledge that it is an extremely remote possibility that I will be able to renounce and abstain forever from masturbation?

I am sorry this is so long but I needed to set out all my thinking. And, by the way, I do not think my medical condition should actually be relevant here. Perhaps I should not even have mentioned it. However, I did want to explain why I have never been able to have a normal sexual marital relationship. I am sure there must be many entirely healthy men, single or otherwise, who have a similar issue.

Thank you. G.
 
Dear friend,

Your frustration is understandable. It seems like the Church is asking something impossible from you. By yourself; by sheer will power, this would be true. But with His help you can do it.

The Lord has His hand on you. The particular sexual problem you have is no accident. He has invited you to share in His passion in this particular way. Living alone as you have had to do has some built-in loneliness. He was very lonely on that extraordinary day. Everyone had abandoned Him. Now He asks you to sacrifice a pleasure that He designed specifically for married life. What He wants is for you to prefer Him to it.

He has shown us that love is best expressed by sacrifice; not pleasure. We know how much we love others by how willing we are to put ourselves out or them. Certainly, He showed us something of His love for us on Good Friday.

If you spend an hour before the tabernacle the rest of you life, you will have the strength to give yourself unconditionally to Him, and……….you will know His intimate friendship and His peace. If this is not always possible, then spend that hour before a crucifix. I will send you a refection on His passion privately because I’m limited on how many words I can use here. Read it daily and thank Him for all that He endured on your behalf. When we realize how much He loves us, we can even become martyrs if He asks this of us. Many weak persons have. Of ourselves, we are all weak. But His strength is unmatchable. I will remember you during MY daily hour before the tabernacle.

Fr. Vincent Serpa, O.P.
 
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