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forgiveme11
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I cheated on my boyfriend and I told him and we broke up. I have repented. Is it possible to make one forgive me?
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PhilotheaZ
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No, I don’t think we can force forgiveness; it has to be freely given. Sometimes by changing our behavior and acting in a selfless, loving way we can influence people to forgive us. But sometimes those human relationships can’t be patched up so easily. (If you were married, it would be much more important to try to salvage the relationship.)
God is the one Whose forgiveness we should really be concerned about. If there was sin involved in your actions (for example, unchastity, lying, etc.), I hope that when you said you have “repented” you included sacramental confession.
The next step is to forgive yourself and resolve to approach relationships in a truly loving way in the future.
God bless you!
God is the one Whose forgiveness we should really be concerned about. If there was sin involved in your actions (for example, unchastity, lying, etc.), I hope that when you said you have “repented” you included sacramental confession.
The next step is to forgive yourself and resolve to approach relationships in a truly loving way in the future.
God bless you!
P
puzzleannie
Guest
in what way is it possible to cheat on a boyfriend? cheating implies breaking a vow of fidelity, and if you are not married there is no such vow, and there is not even the commitment to make such a vow, as their would be if you were engaged. You cannot possibly mean you engaged in some sexual relationship with another person, because you are not of course in a sexual relationshp with BF because you are not married. A BF/GF relationship is a social, dating, getting to know you relationship, so in what way is it possible to “cheat” except perhaps by betraying a confidence. There is nothing in such a relationship to prevent you from socializing with other friends, so I do not understand the offense. If there has been something detrimental to the friendship, by all means ask forgiveness and be willing to try to earn his trust again. You can’t Make Someone Forgive, any more than you can make them love you, respect you etc.
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chevalier
Guest
I respectfully beg to differ, puzzleannie. Being a boyfriend and girlfriend is not a sexual partnership, in that you are right. However, it is a form of partnership of life, as it is a commitment based on romantic love, which is looking at engagement and further at marriage, at least in some hopeful and putative way. I suppose the term “lovers” as it was used before it acquired a sexual meaning, could be used. As such, it is possible to cheat on a boyfriend or girlfriend, although it does not mean he or she has any rights to our body (I wouldn’t be so sure about his or her not having any rights to our person, though again - even engagement doesn’t give any action). An obligation to fidelity does exist in such nascent relationships and the moment fidelity is implied, it is an offence against the person to breach that fidelity - and it’s not only the same generic offence as generally breaking a promise or betraying trust. This is part of the reason why romantic relationships shouldn’t be entered into lightly.
Additionally, as the “romantic stuff” exists not for a fun time together but for discerning vocation and finding a partner for marriage, having a boyfriend or girlfriend is no mere social activity. In so far as it were to be a mere social activity, one should simply not have boyfriends or girlfriends. It’s not like it’s all fine so long as no sex is there (there exist acts which do not cause sexual arousal but at the same time do not belong amongst expressions of friendship but rather of romantic love, and those acts are not there for our own amusement or freely exchanging with friends for our gratification - therefore while merely socialising with other friends is surely not cheating, there is certainly something between friendly socialising and sexual acts - and that something is not to be taken lightly or discounted) - it all has a clear and ordered purpose with a place in God’s plan of life and even His plan of salvation - as marriage is ordered to lead to salvation and having a boyfriend or girlfriend is anciliary to marriage as the ultimate purpose.
For reasons given above, I must insist that a boyfriend or a girlfriend is not a light matter and that it’s also possible to cheat on such a person. I don’t expect you altogether to disagree with me, so please don’t take my post as a sign of total defiance. The distinction between marriage and lack of it is huge indeed, but I needed to speak up for what I did.
As for the Opening Poster:
Following what puzzleannie said, please see things in the correct perspective. If what you did was a sexual act (I’m not asking and I’d rather you wouldn’t say), the offence is that of fornication. It’s an offence that consists in having sex with a person to whom you are not married, not an offence consisting in violating some bond of fidelity with your boyfriend. Fornication is the primary matter here. While just because the sixth commandment talks about wives and husbands doesn’t mean that cheating in premarital romantic relationships is fine (and the first three paragraphs of what I wrote say why), the primary problem is having sex with a person to whom one is not married, since sex does not belong in romantic relationships before marriage.
Additionally, as the “romantic stuff” exists not for a fun time together but for discerning vocation and finding a partner for marriage, having a boyfriend or girlfriend is no mere social activity. In so far as it were to be a mere social activity, one should simply not have boyfriends or girlfriends. It’s not like it’s all fine so long as no sex is there (there exist acts which do not cause sexual arousal but at the same time do not belong amongst expressions of friendship but rather of romantic love, and those acts are not there for our own amusement or freely exchanging with friends for our gratification - therefore while merely socialising with other friends is surely not cheating, there is certainly something between friendly socialising and sexual acts - and that something is not to be taken lightly or discounted) - it all has a clear and ordered purpose with a place in God’s plan of life and even His plan of salvation - as marriage is ordered to lead to salvation and having a boyfriend or girlfriend is anciliary to marriage as the ultimate purpose.
For reasons given above, I must insist that a boyfriend or a girlfriend is not a light matter and that it’s also possible to cheat on such a person. I don’t expect you altogether to disagree with me, so please don’t take my post as a sign of total defiance. The distinction between marriage and lack of it is huge indeed, but I needed to speak up for what I did.
As for the Opening Poster:
No, it is not possible to make someone forgive us and if it were possible to force forgiveness, it would be worth nothing. Please understand that lack of forgiveness from someone on whom you have committed a sin (if you have) does not hold you down. The absolution for whatever acts you’re talking about is or will be valid regardless of forgiveness from other people.I cheated on my boyfriend and I told him and we broke up. I have repented. Is it possible to make one forgive me?
Following what puzzleannie said, please see things in the correct perspective. If what you did was a sexual act (I’m not asking and I’d rather you wouldn’t say), the offence is that of fornication. It’s an offence that consists in having sex with a person to whom you are not married, not an offence consisting in violating some bond of fidelity with your boyfriend. Fornication is the primary matter here. While just because the sixth commandment talks about wives and husbands doesn’t mean that cheating in premarital romantic relationships is fine (and the first three paragraphs of what I wrote say why), the primary problem is having sex with a person to whom one is not married, since sex does not belong in romantic relationships before marriage.
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JimR-OCDS
Guest
Getting him to forgive will be easier than getting him to trust you.I cheated on my boyfriend and I told him and we broke up. I have repented. Is it possible to make one forgive me?
You have to ask yourself, why did you cheat on him and why do you want him back? Is it because the person you cheated with, doesn’t want you?
Either way, commitment to another person requires trust. Once you’ve broken that trust, its difficult to mend. It might be better for you to take a break from each other for a while. We change over time and if the two of you are right for each other, you’ll get back together at some point in your life, and your relationship will be deeper than before. If you’re not right for each other, you’ll find some one knew and he will fade into a memory of your past.
In all, pray, pray, pray.
Jim
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Sandi
Guest
I’m just curious – why did you tell him? Was there a pressing reason why he needed to know? Or were you just feeling guilty and wanted to make youself feel better by 'fessing up?
After all, you aren’t married and haven’t taken vows of mutual fidelity.
What form did your “cheating” take?
One needs to weigh carefully why they need to unburden themselves of this kind of knowledge. Will it help more than hurt? Sometimes you have to keep guilty knowledge to yourself; one must always ask, What USEFUL purpose will this serve, before one spills one’s guts.
After all, you aren’t married and haven’t taken vows of mutual fidelity.
What form did your “cheating” take?
One needs to weigh carefully why they need to unburden themselves of this kind of knowledge. Will it help more than hurt? Sometimes you have to keep guilty knowledge to yourself; one must always ask, What USEFUL purpose will this serve, before one spills one’s guts.
J
JimR-OCDS
Guest
She had to tell him. Had she not and he found out later, distrust would haunt the relationship from then on. As it is, even telling him, there will be doubts about his trust.I’m just curious – why did you tell him? Was there a pressing reason why he needed to know? Or were you just feeling guilty and wanted to make youself feel better by 'fessing up?
After all, you aren’t married and haven’t taken vows of mutual fidelity.
What form did your “cheating” take?
One needs to weigh carefully why they need to unburden themselves of this kind of knowledge. Will it help more than hurt? Sometimes you have to keep guilty knowledge to yourself; one must always ask, What USEFUL purpose will this serve, before one spills one’s guts.
Jim
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dave2
Guest
Yas its very possible to make one forgive one another.the good thing about it is that you are able to lets him know that you cheated on him thats enough for him to for give you if he love you verywell.on the other hand am happy because you confess to him so be happy as well there are better days ahead and better things to come your way.from Dave2 abuja Nigeria
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