Can't decide which I prefer....grass isn't always greener?

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As most of you now know I’m considering Catholicism…I’m not rushing into it, but taking my time, researching, praying etc. I’m also from a secular background but found my faith in evangelical churches which are quite different to a Catholic Mass…

The things I’m about to mention are exceptionally minor but at this stage I am literally looking/thinking about everything. I’m complicated like that :o

One of the little things about evangelical churches which I’m not keen on is how people pounce on you as soon as you walk though the door and don’t give you time to breathe! 🙂 Sometimes I would want to just go to church, spend time with God and go home…impossible in my evangelical church…

…I’ve been attending mass these past few weeks in a lovely little Catholic Church not far from me…the priest is lovely, has a real calm teaching voice (could listen to him all day), however nobody has said hello or come to introduce themselves. Maybe it’s because I attend on my own, but I missed the “friendliness” of the evangelical church (I can’t think if a better word, not saying the catholics aren’t friendly). I’m managing to pick up most of the order of mass and remember others but it would be nice for someone to say you look confused, here’s the page you are after. Most people appear to be in families or at least with some other people 😦 it doesn’t seem to be a church where people hang around afterwards either. I would happily approach people after, but most people dart through the door before the final song has finished.

The other thing I have noticed is the teenage children are obviously dragged to church…at first I thought maybe they were in a strop but every week they have sat crossed arms, looking glum, not singing, not responding, not praying but going upto receive communion 🤷 some of the very young children are very cheerful but they are happy playing with toys and books not really knowing what’s going on. I’m used to the teenagers at the evangelical church who are very firm in their faith, sing with joy and are wonderful kids! A delight to be around.

I feel as if I am going around in circles at the moment, there are more serious questions at play here too. It realise these are minor and probably won’t sway my decision but just want to chat to people about it…here others views on this?
 
As most of you now know I’m considering Catholicism…I’m not rushing into it, but taking my time, researching, praying etc. I’m also from a secular background but found my faith in evangelical churches which are quite different to a Catholic Mass…

The things I’m about to mention are exceptionally minor but at this stage I am literally looking/thinking about everything. I’m complicated like that :o

One of the little things about evangelical churches which I’m not keen on is how people pounce on you as soon as you walk though the door and don’t give you time to breathe! 🙂 Sometimes I would want to just go to church, spend time with God and go home…impossible in my evangelical church…

…I’ve been attending mass these past few weeks in a lovely little Catholic Church not far from me…the priest is lovely, has a real calm teaching voice (could listen to him all day), however nobody has said hello or come to introduce themselves. Maybe it’s because I attend on my own, but I missed the “friendliness” of the evangelical church (I can’t think if a better word, not saying the catholics aren’t friendly). I’m managing to pick up most of the order of mass and remember others but it would be nice for someone to say you look confused, here’s the page you are after. Most people appear to be in families or at least with some other people 😦 it doesn’t seem to be a church where people hang around afterwards either. I would happily approach people after, but most people dart through the door before the final song has finished.

The other thing I have noticed is the teenage children are obviously dragged to church…at first I thought maybe they were in a strop but every week they have sat crossed arms, looking glum, not singing, not responding, not praying but going upto receive communion 🤷 some of the very young children are very cheerful but they are happy playing with toys and books not really knowing what’s going on. I’m used to the teenagers at the evangelical church who are very firm in their faith, sing with joy and are wonderful kids! A delight to be around.

I feel as if I am going around in circles at the moment, there are more serious questions at play here too. It realise these are minor and probably won’t sway my decision but just want to chat to people about it…here others views on this?
Evangelical churches seem to have a bit of a spark about them which might appeal to younger Christians, they do have a certain friendliness to them which is appealing but when it comes to the way they deal with their faith, it’s a little too phony for my tastes.

I think that some Catholic teenagers are definitely dragged there, I suppose not all but it obviously just there to have their stamps punched as somebody called it another thread. I am yet to attend a mass and experience it for myself.

I suppose me personally, not sure about yourself am looking for the kind of place that worships seriously, none of this simply saying how good Jesus is and repeating this every like in the style of Evangelicals or Baptists, some place where you go and pray and maybe have some tea and biscuits when it’s all over to socialize with other members of the Church.
 
I know what you mean, and I’m sorry. I grew up in a Protestant church (not Evangelical), and in the church I grew up in and every one I visited people were so nice, friendly, and helpful. The smiles and welcoming attitude do a lot to put a visitor or a possible convert at ease.

I’ll be attending my first real Sunday Mass in a couple of weeks with my in-laws. To prepare and get an idea of how it goes, I went to a daily mass by myself Tuesday, and I left in tears. I didn’t expect that at a daily Mass in a busy part of the city that anyone would take the time to chat with me, but I didn’t expect active rudeness. I’m a very shy person and I was very far out of my element. Although there were several pretty bad incidences, the worst part by far was communion, when everyone got up. I didn’t know how to move the kneeling thing up so that the people in the pew next to mine could get through to the aisle. The dirty looks, sighs, and eyerolls were embarrassing enough as I was fumbling with it (no one even tried to help me), but after Mass a couple in their 40’s came over and asked smugly if I’d ever been before, I said no, and they said “I guess you’ll figure things out soon enough” and walked away. I ended up crying on the phone to my husband in the parking lot. He called his mom because he really had no idea what to say to make it better, and she sent me an email later that day thanking me for trying to learn more about her church before attending. She included some info on how Catholic masses are run with a promise that she will make sure it goes much more smoothly for me when I go with her. While I can’t be sure that it will go perfectly, I can imagine that going with my MIL will be much more comfortable and I’ll feel a lot less like a novelty on display.

Maybe you could find a Catholic who is involved in a parish where they know the other frequent attendees that they can introduce you to? If a sense of community is what you’re looking for, maybe there is a parish service or social group you could join? Or heck, ask the priest if he knows of someone who would be willing to help you as you get acclimated. He may know someone friendly and helpful that would love to show you around.
 
I know what you mean, and I’m sorry. I grew up in a Protestant church (not Evangelical), and in the church I grew up in and every one I visited people were so nice, friendly, and helpful. The smiles and welcoming attitude do a lot to put a visitor or a possible convert at ease.

I’ll be attending my first real Sunday Mass in a couple of weeks with my in-laws. To prepare and get an idea of how it goes, I went to a daily mass by myself Tuesday, and I left in tears. I didn’t expect that at a daily Mass in a busy part of the city that anyone would take the time to chat with me, but I didn’t expect active rudeness. I’m a very shy person and I was very far out of my element. Although there were several pretty bad incidences, the worst part by far was communion, when everyone got up. I didn’t know how to move the kneeling thing up so that the people in the pew next to mine could get through to the aisle. The dirty looks, sighs, and eyerolls were embarrassing enough as I was fumbling with it (no one even tried to help me), but after Mass a couple in their 40’s came over and asked smugly if I’d ever been before, I said no, and they said “I guess you’ll figure things out soon enough” and walked away. I ended up crying on the phone to my husband in the parking lot. He called his mom because he really had no idea what to say to make it better, and she sent me an email later that day thanking me for trying to learn more about her church before attending. She included some info on how Catholic masses are run with a promise that she will make sure it goes much more smoothly for me when I go with her. While I can’t be sure that it will go perfectly, I can imagine that going with my MIL will be much more comfortable and I’ll feel a lot less like a novelty on display.

Maybe you could find a Catholic who is involved in a parish where they know the other frequent attendees that they can introduce you to? If a sense of community is what you’re looking for, maybe there is a parish service or social group you could join? Or heck, ask the priest if he knows of someone who would be willing to help you as you get acclimated. He may know someone friendly and helpful that would love to show you around.
Sounds like you had a horrible time, that’s the kind of thing which puts me off going as well! I’m scared same will happen to me. I think you expect Church-goers to be friendly and less conceited, something about loving one another, you know! But that’s the thing, people don’t always practice what they preach, with the exception of your MIL!
 
I know what you mean, and I’m sorry. I grew up in a Protestant church (not Evangelical), and in the church I grew up in and every one I visited people were so nice, friendly, and helpful. The smiles and welcoming attitude do a lot to put a visitor or a possible convert at ease.

I’ll be attending my first real Sunday Mass in a couple of weeks with my in-laws. To prepare and get an idea of how it goes, I went to a daily mass by myself Tuesday, and I left in tears. I didn’t expect that at a daily Mass in a busy part of the city that anyone would take the time to chat with me, but I didn’t expect active rudeness. I’m a very shy person and I was very far out of my element. Although there were several pretty bad incidences, the worst part by far was communion, when everyone got up. I didn’t know how to move the kneeling thing up so that the people in the pew next to mine could get through to the aisle. The dirty looks, sighs, and eyerolls were embarrassing enough as I was fumbling with it (no one even tried to help me), but after Mass a couple in their 40’s came over and asked smugly if I’d ever been before, I said no, and they said “I guess you’ll figure things out soon enough” and walked away. I ended up crying on the phone to my husband in the parking lot. He called his mom because he really had no idea what to say to make it better, and she sent me an email later that day thanking me for trying to learn more about her church before attending. She included some info on how Catholic masses are run with a promise that she will make sure it goes much more smoothly for me when I go with her. While I can’t be sure that it will go perfectly, I can imagine that going with my MIL will be much more comfortable and I’ll feel a lot less like a novelty on display.

Maybe you could find a Catholic who is involved in a parish where they know the other frequent attendees that they can introduce you to? If a sense of community is what you’re looking for, maybe there is a parish service or social group you could join? Or heck, ask the priest if he knows of someone who would be willing to help you as you get acclimated. He may know someone friendly and helpful that would love to show you around.
Wow. Just… wow.

I hate it when the attendees at Catholic Churches give us such a bad reputation by acting like thugs. :mad:

If only you could come to my parish…
 
Blue-eyed Lady,

I am so sorry that you experienced such negativity. It usually happens at Sunday Mass, or weekday Mass in a larger church, that someone new is lost in the crowd, and Catholics need to be quiet in Church, as the Blessed Sacrament (Holy Eucharist) is there. Everyone who attends Mass is in a different “place” spiritually, and I so sympathize with the rudeness you experienced. Your explaining what you experienced, hopefully, will be an eye-opener to others, who don’t have a clue about how new people feel.

If you had come to my parish on a weekday, where about 35-40 people attend in the side chapel for daily Mass, it would have been quite different. When someone new has moved here we notice that person, and after Mass is over we ask them their name and where they are from, then tell them our name.

There is a university near us and one of the priests at our parish is involved in the spiritual lives of those young Catholics that attend his special nights for them. Several come to Mass at 8:30 AM when their particular schedule at the college enables them to. They are awesome young people who are very interested in practicing their faith. I am aware that there are many others who have been influenced in ways that have turned them off to the faith. I hope and pray that changes.
 
As most of you now know I’m considering Catholicism…I’m not rushing into it, but taking my time, researching, praying etc. I’m also from a secular background but found my faith in evangelical churches which are quite different to a Catholic Mass…

The things I’m about to mention are exceptionally minor but at this stage I am literally looking/thinking about everything. I’m complicated like that :o

One of the little things about evangelical churches which I’m not keen on is how people pounce on you as soon as you walk though the door and don’t give you time to breathe! 🙂 Sometimes I would want to just go to church, spend time with God and go home…impossible in my evangelical church…

…I’ve been attending mass these past few weeks in a lovely little Catholic Church not far from me…the priest is lovely, has a real calm teaching voice (could listen to him all day), however nobody has said hello or come to introduce themselves. Maybe it’s because I attend on my own, but I missed the “friendliness” of the evangelical church (I can’t think if a better word, not saying the catholics aren’t friendly). I’m managing to pick up most of the order of mass and remember others but it would be nice for someone to say you look confused, here’s the page you are after. Most people appear to be in families or at least with some other people 😦 it doesn’t seem to be a church where people hang around afterwards either. I would happily approach people after, but most people dart through the door before the final song has finished.

The other thing I have noticed is the teenage children are obviously dragged to church…at first I thought maybe they were in a strop but every week they have sat crossed arms, looking glum, not singing, not responding, not praying but going upto receive communion 🤷 some of the very young children are very cheerful but they are happy playing with toys and books not really knowing what’s going on. I’m used to the teenagers at the evangelical church who are very firm in their faith, sing with joy and are wonderful kids! A delight to be around.

I feel as if I am going around in circles at the moment, there are more serious questions at play here too. It realise these are minor and probably won’t sway my decision but just want to chat to people about it…here others views on this?
Thank you for describing what you saw. It ought to help Catholics be aware of new faces and seek them out to welcome them. Our parish has donuts and coffee once a month after Mass, and we are encouraged to get to know new people if we see any, and also to get to know other parishioners who may be new in the area.

I am saddened by petulant looking teens who obviously appear that they do not understand what is going on at Mass. Some of this may have to do with their home life, and some of it may have to do with peer pressure to be like everyone else in a particular “clique”. They do need vibrant and holy priests and adults who understand teens and show that they love them.

Some parishes do have that, and as a result they have a large group of teens interested in their faith.

“The harvest is great, and the laborers are few”.
 
As most of you now know I’m considering Catholicism…I’m not rushing into it, but taking my time, researching, praying etc. I’m also from a secular background but found my faith in evangelical churches which are quite different to a Catholic Mass…

The things I’m about to mention are exceptionally minor but at this stage I am literally looking/thinking about everything. I’m complicated like that :o

One of the little things about evangelical churches which I’m not keen on is how people pounce on you as soon as you walk though the door and don’t give you time to breathe! 🙂 Sometimes I would want to just go to church, spend time with God and go home…impossible in my evangelical church…

…I’ve been attending mass these past few weeks in a lovely little Catholic Church not far from me…the priest is lovely, has a real calm teaching voice (could listen to him all day), however nobody has said hello or come to introduce themselves. Maybe it’s because I attend on my own, but I missed the “friendliness” of the evangelical church (I can’t think if a better word, not saying the catholics aren’t friendly). I’m managing to pick up most of the order of mass and remember others but it would be nice for someone to say you look confused, here’s the page you are after. Most people appear to be in families or at least with some other people 😦 it doesn’t seem to be a church where people hang around afterwards either. I would happily approach people after, but most people dart through the door before the final song has finished.
I can really relate to what you’re saying.

My husband and I were members of an Evangelical church in America. Everyone was really friendly and made sure all visitors were greeted and made to feel welcome. I think it was a part of the church ministry and there were actually people appointed to do that.

We then moved to a small Catholic church in Ireland. We went there for a year, and no one really greeted us or said hello to us unless we approached them first. I then became a reader, and everything turned around. We now feel that everyone at our church is a family member, and they all treat us the same way. I think it took us getting involved and then they realized we were there to stay and had become part of their community.

So I think the more you get involved, the more you will be noticed and accepted. I don’t know why there are differences… ???
 
Evangelical churches seem to have a bit of a spark about them which might appeal to younger Christians, they do have a certain friendliness to them which is appealing but when it comes to the way they deal with their faith, it’s a little too phony for my tastes.

I think that some Catholic teenagers are definitely dragged there, I suppose not all but it obviously just there to have their stamps punched as somebody called it another thread. I am yet to attend a mass and experience it for myself.

I suppose me personally, not sure about yourself am looking for the kind of place that worships seriously, none of this simply saying how good Jesus is and repeating this every like in the style of Evangelicals or Baptists, some place where you go and pray and maybe have some tea and biscuits when it’s all over to socialize with other members of the Church.
I know what you mean, my very close friend from the evangelical church isn’t strong in her faith. The others do have an air of fake ness sometimes or Sunday Christians. There is no authenticity - something which the Catholic Church does seem to have. I feel God at mass, I’m not sure I’ve felt him as closely at worship services so the “thrill of them” is quite addictive in some ways.

The priest told me the Catholic Church is for sinners and it’s in some ways “good” that they are real and not fake but it would be nice if the acted more…well…Christ like. Maybe I should join one of the weekly groups or attend a weekday mass and see what that is like. 🤷
 
I know what you mean, and I’m sorry. I grew up in a Protestant church (not Evangelical), and in the church I grew up in and every one I visited people were so nice, friendly, and helpful. The smiles and welcoming attitude do a lot to put a visitor or a possible convert at ease.

I’ll be attending my first real Sunday Mass in a couple of weeks with my in-laws. To prepare and get an idea of how it goes, I went to a daily mass by myself Tuesday, and I left in tears. I didn’t expect that at a daily Mass in a busy part of the city that anyone would take the time to chat with me, but I didn’t expect active rudeness. I’m a very shy person and I was very far out of my element. Although there were several pretty bad incidences, the worst part by far was communion, when everyone got up. I didn’t know how to move the kneeling thing up so that the people in the pew next to mine could get through to the aisle. The dirty looks, sighs, and eyerolls were embarrassing enough as I was fumbling with it (no one even tried to help me), but after Mass a couple in their 40’s came over and asked smugly if I’d ever been before, I said no, and they said “I guess you’ll figure things out soon enough” and walked away. I ended up crying on the phone to my husband in the parking lot. He called his mom because he really had no idea what to say to make it better, and she sent me an email later that day thanking me for trying to learn more about her church before attending. She included some info on how Catholic masses are run with a promise that she will make sure it goes much more smoothly for me when I go with her. While I can’t be sure that it will go perfectly, I can imagine that going with my MIL will be much more comfortable and I’ll feel a lot less like a novelty on display.

Maybe you could find a Catholic who is involved in a parish where they know the other frequent attendees that they can introduce you to? If a sense of community is what you’re looking for, maybe there is a parish service or social group you could join? Or heck, ask the priest if he knows of someone who would be willing to help you as you get acclimated. He may know someone friendly and helpful that would love to show you around.
That sounds awful…maybe they had all had a rushed morning or something? Arguments in the car etc? 🤷
 
As most of you now know I’m considering Catholicism…I’m not rushing into it, but taking my time, researching, praying etc. I’m also from a secular background but found my faith in evangelical churches which are quite different to a Catholic Mass…

The things I’m about to mention are exceptionally minor but at this stage I am literally looking/thinking about everything. I’m complicated like that :o

One of the little things about evangelical churches which I’m not keen on is how people pounce on you as soon as you walk though the door and don’t give you time to breathe! 🙂 Sometimes I would want to just go to church, spend time with God and go home…impossible in my evangelical church…

…I’ve been attending mass these past few weeks in a lovely little Catholic Church not far from me…the priest is lovely, has a real calm teaching voice (could listen to him all day), however nobody has said hello or come to introduce themselves. Maybe it’s because I attend on my own, but I missed the “friendliness” of the evangelical church (I can’t think if a better word, not saying the catholics aren’t friendly). I’m managing to pick up most of the order of mass and remember others but it would be nice for someone to say you look confused, here’s the page you are after. Most people appear to be in families or at least with some other people 😦 it doesn’t seem to be a church where people hang around afterwards either. I would happily approach people after, but most people dart through the door before the final song has finished.

The other thing I have noticed is the teenage children are obviously dragged to church…at first I thought maybe they were in a strop but every week they have sat crossed arms, looking glum, not singing, not responding, not praying but going upto receive communion 🤷 some of the very young children are very cheerful but they are happy playing with toys and books not really knowing what’s going on. I’m used to the teenagers at the evangelical church who are very firm in their faith, sing with joy and are wonderful kids! A delight to be around.

I feel as if I am going around in circles at the moment, there are more serious questions at play here too. It realise these are minor and probably won’t sway my decision but just want to chat to people about it…here others views on this?
I’m sorry about this. This is definitely par for the course for most Catholic Parishes. Even though I too wish that Catholics were friendlier and I don’t know why they are not but I would not trade receiving the Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity of Jesus Christ for a million warm friendly people. I hope that things change in the Catholic culture but the most that I can say here is to ask Catholics who read this to smile and shake the hand of someone who attempts to engage them in conversation after Church instead of giving them the cold shoulder which is what happened to me when I tried it. I won’t do that again but if someone attempts to engage me in conversation I’ll say howdy. 🙂

Annie
 
hi, i am not for sure that i can offer any advice…but i thought myself fortunate to have read your post-to understand the typical-yes this sounds typical of catholics, ie catholics seem cold…i will report that i, most of the time, go to a spanish speaking mass/which is convenient per my schedule…i am finally catching on the learning spanish; otherwise, it is a slow go-and the language barrier continues…well i mention this because-the mass is a bit different from the english mass in that the spanish seems more to ‘celebrate…as a happy occasion.’ Might one say with a universal church that typically there can be different modes of church masses; In hindsight, although-i did not understand completely the mass in spanish (for the mexican brothers and sisters)…i must inquire if there is a universal language…discovered as spiritual language-a Holy presence-sharing the same language…

that being said-the local latin/spanish speaking persons in church…only a half dozen are baptised…and the rest of perhaps two dozen do not take the eucharist; i believe my presence, being present to pray there in church, then takes on a task to pray for them!!!
i will add that i WOULD BE comfortable in a protestant church-of any denomination…as the social atmosphere makes one welcome… i view america, and all the freedoms, with diversity…thx patrick
 
The first couple of months of Mass attendance is normally a bit confusing for converts and even reverts who haven’t been in many years.

I thought Catholics were a bit standoffish at first, but after a couple Sundays I was introduced to the priest and the Sister who handles religious education. Both were very welcoming and thrilled when I told them I was seriously considering conversion. The priest makes it a point to stop and say hello when he isn’t swamped. The Sister put up a little sign in the social area saying the parish is growing and to please welcome . She also introduced me to a few people known for being friendly. And she strongly encouraged volunteering whenever I have the spare time so that I could meet parishioners that way. It took some time and effort on my part, but I am very comfortable now and have been for months.

Most Catholics are at Mass to commune with God and they truly are in their own place. That’s ok with me as I am there to do the same thing. It’s not intentionally rude, really. If you’re serious about possibly converting, call and ask if you can join RCIA. No obligation to convert and you’ll learn about the faith as well as about the parish. Look for sign up sheets, we have ours in the social area, and see if there is anything you can volunteer to help with. RCIA and volunteering are good ways to meet people.

As for the teens…well, they are teens! Some of them can be difficult. Some of them are just appearing grumpy to save face. And some are just having a hard time. I thought two of the teens in RCIA were bored to tears and there unwillingly because they seemed to fall asleep fairly often before the catechumen dismissal. Turns out, they spend weekends with their father. He lets them stay up late and by the time they are returned to their mother so they can come to Mass Sunday morning, they are exhausted.
 
The first couple of months of Mass attendance is normally a bit confusing for converts and even reverts who haven’t been in many years.

I thought Catholics were a bit standoffish at first, but after a couple Sundays I was introduced to the priest and the Sister who handles religious education. Both were very welcoming and thrilled when I told them I was seriously considering conversion. The priest makes it a point to stop and say hello when he isn’t swamped. The Sister put up a little sign in the social area saying the parish is growing and to please welcome . She also introduced me to a few people known for being friendly. And she strongly encouraged volunteering whenever I have the spare time so that I could meet parishioners that way. It took some time and effort on my part, but I am very comfortable now and have been for months.

Most Catholics are at Mass to commune with God and they truly are in their own place. That’s ok with me as I am there to do the same thing. It’s not intentionally rude, really. If you’re serious about possibly converting, call and ask if you can join RCIA. No obligation to convert and you’ll learn about the faith as well as about the parish. Look for sign up sheets, we have ours in the social area, and see if there is anything you can volunteer to help with. RCIA and volunteering are good ways to meet people.

As for the teens…well, they are teens! Some of them can be difficult. Some of them are just appearing grumpy to save face. And some are just having a hard time. I thought two of the teens in RCIA were bored to tears and there unwillingly because they seemed to fall asleep fairly often before the catechumen dismissal. Turns out, they spend weekends with their father. He lets them stay up late and by the time they are returned to their mother so they can come to Mass Sunday morning, they are exhausted.
This is good to learn. Its nice when there is a parish that tries to include people in the social part of the parish. However yours is unusual in this regard.

Annie
 
Because Catholics often attend Masses that are not at their own parish for a variety of reasons -travel, on vacation, family member in hospital near by etc new faces are not uncommon. Plus if several different Mass times are available no one would know if someone who usually attends on 4 pm Saturday, happened to attend on 12 pm Sunday because they had another obligation on Saturday or had a change in their work schedule and now must attend on Sunday. So greeting unfamiliar people is not a Catholic thing generally speaking. Once you meet with priest and become more involved in the parish, you will get to know people. Catholics lean their attention a bit more vertical (God) in than horizontal (people of God).
 
Thanks for the (name removed by moderator)ut 🙂

Oh the priest is lovely and always greets people before and after mass. It’s an interesting point about catholics going to mass to be with God and I do see that authenticity. I suppose I often look for Christ like behaviour in those who claim to be Christians and I am put aback when I don’t see that, and in some cases the exact opposite. I do understand we are all human though and therefore sinful.

Thanks once again 🙂
 
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