Can't get her off my mind

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JesusmySavior

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I am turning 19 this year by God’s grace, and I have had a crush on a lady for 5 years now. I first came across her on Facebook, and latter I saw her on some occasions when our schools met for general sporting activities.
I have tried for years now to get the thoughts of her off my mind, I restrain myself from having impure thoughts towards her, and by God’s grace I have succeeded up till now. The fact that she is always on my mind makes me sick with myself, I doubt she even knows I exist, and I should also note that I have never spoken to her before, in fact I have never heard her voice. I have been told togo speak to her and that may get her off my mind and stop me from hurting my emotions, but I am so scared of talking to ladies and talking to her is on a whole nother level.
How do I get her off my mind ? Because it is getting really embarssing; to hold such feelings for someone I know nothing about except how she looks.
 
You have a crush that has grown and now it is a sort of obsession.

Why can you not send her a social media message “Hi, this is Joe Smith. You went to St Gabriel’s and I went to St Matthew’s so I saw you at the track meets. Would you like to get together for a cup of coffee sometime?”

If she says no, or does not answer, then that is your answer.
 
I think the first rule about fear is to understand why we’re afraid.

Once we get the basic? We can move out of that zone and into something useful.

So why are you afraid to reach out?

Is it because you worry she’ll reject you?

Well here’s the thing that silence is bringing you now. It’s bringing the pain of rejection? But it’s you who are rejecting things. You’re rejecting the opportunity to reach out. So honestly that’s not a solve for any sort of situation positive.

Look. I know why rejection hurts. I know what it means? And I know the consequences. But what I’d suggest is you don’t lay anything on the line here. All I’d suggest is you find anything at all that she’s said online that you agree with? And just give it a nod. Agree if you genuinely do? And start a small conversation around the side of that safe topic.

Don’t stalk her? Don’t harass her? And don’t build dream castles in your head way ahead of all reason. The problem here is you’re 5 years of thinking ahead of her so if you burst that dam all at once you’ll scare her off the continent.

Far better to start as if this was the first time you’ve ever seen her? But the key word here is start.

Waiting any longer’s just gonna bring grief. I mean if she ever even liked you by accident? You’ll never know it just benching yourself for no reason.

The fear of rejection’s only possible if you fear that sort of pain. And that pain’s only possible if you push her completely away. So don’t do anything like in a movie. Just be friendly? Be supportive? Be measured? Be reasonable? And be realistic.

Don’t overwhelm. But buddy? Don’t underwhelm either, k? Because nobody gets really caught up about that guy they saw staring at his shoelaces for 5 years. In order for a connection to build you sorta gotta start reaching. And risking.

Just a little.

Peace man. And good luck!
 
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I don’t think actually attempting to talk to her is the right thing to do in this situation. Since you have an unhealthy obsession with her, it’s probably not a good idea to attempt to develop a friendship or more with her.

Delete her from your Facebook account. Keep yourself too busy to think about her- with school work, a job, extracurricular activities, volunteering, chores, etc. And if you still can’t stop thinking about her, seek some help from a counselor who can help you with obsessive thoughts.
 
JesusmySavior said:
How do I get her off my mind ? Because it is getting really embarssing; to hold such feelings for someone I know nothing about except how she looks.
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Meet another lady in person. Once you get into a relationship with her, this fantasy lady you keep thinking about will fade from your mind.

It is common to have somebody we think about all the time when we’re teens. It could be someone who we just see or know distantly, someone who’s an acquaintance who isn’t interested in us or is not available, or someone who is a far-off celebrity, etc. This is just your brain finding stuff to do when you’re not in a position to be dating a lot of actual, real people.

Edited to add, you could, as others have suggested, try reaching out to the object of your thoughts, but you run a couple risks there. The big one being that you’ve already built up such a big obsession with her in your head, the reality might be a big disappointment.
 
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Five years and you have never spoken to her?

I believe it fair to say you may be attracted to some image you have of her and not the real thing.

You need to introduce yourself to know the person. Until then, it is all fiction.
Also, after five years the reality may not measure up to your fantasy.
 
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I’d agree if the dude was following her home on Fridays? But.

I’m just not sure that the lesson to pick from this is to bottle up all feelings. I think try something reasonable first? And if that falls apart then move on.

Otherwise he’ll probably fall into the slot of a pal of mine. A guy who pined about a girl for years and did nothing about it? Tried to move on. Thought he had? But now beats himself up about missed opportunities and so on because she’s long since married and he’s still single.

I mean guys need to face their fears. They need to learn to act on things they want? But in a mature and natural way. They can’t keep living in a dream world where they constantly school themselves that their lot in life is to want for fiction, but not reach for reality.

So long as she’s still single? And he’s not a creep? Then really. Try to drive forwards before going backwards. Reality might just take care of itself here.

I mean he might find she’s scads different than he imagined and the spell will break itself.

But of course if he actually is mentally unstable then your advice is totally right.

But then again if he actually is mentally unstable he’ll hardly listen to it either. :roll_eyes:

So there’s that.

Peace Clementine. We don’t really disagree. Not in a strong way? It’s just I’m maybe a bit more hopeful there’s a plan A.
 
Personally, if I were single and I found out that a guy who approached me had been obsessed with me for five years I would not be interested.

That’s not to say that it isn’t normal for a teenager to pine after someone he or she doesn’t even know. It happens all the time. But five years is a long time to have an unhealthy obsession with someone and not to have moved on from it by now. Best to leave the girl alone and focus on healthier ways to occupy brain space.
 
I actually tried what you suggested a while back. I blocked her on Facebook, got myself more involved with basketball and luckily school was in session, but it didn’t really last, I ended up unblocking her because I felt I acted rather childish; quite ironic now I look at it, seeing that the obsession as well was pretty childish of me. I have in fact tried what you suggested on several occasions, but when ever I have seen her pass by, the feelings just come back and the thoughts are ever vicious on my mind.
 
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