I have been through a somewhat similar situation with my health over the past four years. I was hit very hard by a build-up of pesticides in my system that attacked my central nervous system, left me bedridden, unable to sleep although extremely tired, having difficulty breathing, deep aches in the joints, experiencing numbness throughout my body, and short-term memory loss and brain fog (among other symptoms). Many of these symptoms continue and the fatigue is still a daily struggle.
This has been a difficult time for me and for my young family, but it has also brought me much closer to My Lord and to His Church. It gave me a lot of time to listen to Catholic Radio and Catholic tapes. When my brain is functioning more normally, I am able to read and I continue to be amazed by the depth and beauty of our Catholic faith!
While I would never wish chronic illness and disability on anyone, I consider it a gift from Our Lord that has enabled me to understand His suffering and passion more deeply, to come to a better understanding of the value of redemptive suffering, and quite literally to save my soul.
When I become discouraged, I only have to look at Our Lord on the cross to remember my sufferings are nothing in comparison to what He did for me. As crazy as it may sound, I would much rather be in this poor state of health physically but more sound spiritually than to have my health restored and lose my dependance upon Him. Sometimes I think because of my pride, I am better off being weak so I remember that I need God in all things.
