Catholic Chemistry: suitable for a young Catholic woman who practices modesty?

[superhancpetram]

I am asking this question somewhat on behalf of one of my daughters, who is thinking of using Catholic online dating. In general, we have heard a lot of great things about Catholic Chemistry. The one thing that rather puts her off (and, to be honest, I sympathize with her) is that its promotional video shows several young women who are not dressed in a manner which she, or I, would consider to be modest. Please let me say that we are not all stuck in the past, and I do not hold sexist or misogynistic views, but that we do, as a family, males as well as females, adhere to a perhaps more traditional standard of dress.

The first woman in the video has bare shoulders; the third woman has her shirt unbuttoned quite low, showing quite a lot of her chest; the fourth is wearing a very tight white top. The second and fifth women in the video are dressed more like what my daughter would wear herself. She also very much likes the style of the woman in the main photo at the top of the page (https://www.catholicchemistry.com/), who is wearing a blue dress with sleeves and a high neckline and not too tight around the bust.

We are not being like the pharisees, and we do not judge people who do not share our view of modesty in dress (for both sexes: the men in the video just happen to be more modestly dressed). Our concern is simply that there may be cultural differences between what my daughter considers to be the norm and what any men she may meet would consider to be the norm. Also, if/when she eventually has children, she would like to bring them up with the same norms of modesty in dress that she herself observes and would not wish that to be a point of contention with a future husband. I appreciate that many women would be concerned that their husband might try to enforce a more rigorous standard of modesty; she is concerned in case she meets men who would try to persuade her dress less modestly.

I appreciate that this is a contentious subject for many people, and I do not wish to hurt people’s feelings. We are not dinosaurs and we do not oppress women or girls. I am just concerned that if my daughter should dip her toe into the waters of internet dating (a big step for her), she does so in an environment in which people are likely to respect and share her background and culture.

Thanks for your understanding.

 

[Lou2U]

I don’t know about Catholic Chemistry, but internet dating in general is full of people who claim to want one thing and actually want another, or people who say they’re X but are actually Y. Meeting someone online is just the same as meeting someone offline in that it requires discernment, perhaps even more discernment than meeting someone offline.

There will absolutely be cultural differences between your daughter and whoever is on the site, just as there will be cultural differences between your daughter and anyone she could meet offline. If there are, it’s up to her to decide whether she doesn’t want to take it further or if she does. And if she does meet someone online who tries to tell her she’s too modest, all she needs to do is say “I think we’re incompatible. I hope you meet someone more suited to you in the future”.

 

[superhancpetram]

Thank you. I think that is very sensible. You also raise an important point, as I have read that Catholic (and also conservative evangelical) dating sites/apps can attract men who have a weird fetish for dating women whom they can reasonably suspect might be virgins. It’s a bit baffling that somebody would go to these lengths, but I have definitely read that some men out here have such a thing for only wanting to date virgins that they will pose as conservative religious types just to have access to women whom they assume might match their particular requirements. And yes, those of us who are actually more educated about different faiths/denominations will know that there is no reason why a Catholic or a conservative evangelical would have no prior sexual experience.