Catholic dating for beginners

[Marco-polo22]

Hi there, I was wondering if you have any tips or important things to know about dating as a Catholic? I need the whole gamut of how to date as a catholic lol.

I am a convert who recently gotten out of a secular relationship and I feel so lost in what is considered kosher. Like is it okay after a skype ‘date’ to give my phone number to the guy so we aren’t chatting over a messaging app? I have friends who either aren’t actively dating (what comes my way comes) or are already married and I feel like I am stuck in between. I joined catholic match hoping to meet a few people before I relocate to a major city but now I feel lost in it all!

 

[RolandThompsonGunner]

I don’t see what’s wrong with exchanging phone numbers.

The only real difference between this and “secular” dating is no premarital sex. Other than that, just be natural. If you worry about doing everything the Catholic way, you’re going to come off as stilted and awkward.

 

[Marco-polo22]

So now I guess my next question is this: I have had premarital sex. It is something that I am ashamed over and have gone to confession for. I believe that this is something that I should say to people because they need to have that knowledge on whether to pursue a relationship. When would be an appropriate time to say it (generally)? Or should I just not say it at all and wait and see if it comes up naturally?
I was thinking after the third date (so like a month in?) and just saying that I like where we are going and I want to continue but this is a thing that has happened in my past.

 

[Psalm30]

I don’t have much advice regarding whether or not you should tell potential spouses about your past. There are many differing viewpoints on it, and I will say that I don’t believe there is anything in Catholicism that requires anyone to ever reveal their sins to another person. Other than that, I think it’s a case by case basis of when and how you bring it up. I hope another poster has better advice for you in this regard.

However, this part of your post jumped out at me, and I feel I need to address it.

So now I guess my next question is this: I have had premarital sex. It is something that I am ashamed over and have gone to confession for.

Please don’t feel ashamed for having premarital sex in the past. We are all sinners, even people who were virgins on their wedding night. Don’t be ashamed for sinning differently than someone else. You’ve been to Confession. God has forgiven you. No need to feel ashamed. Just go and sin no more.

 

[Inquiry]

So now I guess my next question is this: I have had premarital sex. It is something that I am ashamed over and have gone to confession for. I believe that this is something that I should say to people because they need to have that knowledge on whether to pursue a relationship. When would be an appropriate time to say it (generally)? Or should I just not say it at all and wait and see if it comes up naturally?
I was thinking after the third date (so like a month in?) and just saying that I like where we are going and I want to continue but this is a thing that has happened in my past.

No one who just met you needs to know your past in that regard. It doesn’t affect your suitability as a spouse and it certainly doesn’t affect your value as someone created in God’s image.

Your first dates are for presenting what you think is important and special about yourself, for evaluating what he presents about himself, and for getting to know with each other. Lead with your best foot and leave life mistakes for another time. Unless you know it’s a deal breaker for him you aren’t misleading him by waiting to discuss it til later.

Now I am in the camp that says you should tell him eventually, probably around the same time you broach the subject of waiting until marriage. This is not because it changes your value or because it is something he needs to know, but because it is a part of sharing yourself.