Catholic, engaged, and depressed

[Anthony_Joseph81]

Hey all, I’m a man with mild depression and anxiety. I have counseling and mild medication, and I think I’ve gotten much better over the years in how I handle what’s going on in me. That’s the good news. I’m in my late 30’s, and engaged to a holy Catholic woman who loves me and I’m in love with. I’ve never been married, but historically, dating relationships have triggered an onset of depression, and this is turning out to be no different. My emotional rockiness is understandably becoming difficult for her.

I’ve explained to my fiancee what goes on with me to the best of my ability; she has a very different personality from mine (which has to do with why we were attracted) and just has a difficult time grasping what I feel. She’s read up on the subject, and is really trying to offer any support she can to me.

It’s something that is truly up for me to work on myself though. It’s hard for her to see me this way (I can’t hide it, because she knows me very well). I have been trying to shake the feeling that I should let her go, because I can’t guarantee her that I can change and be more of my strong self more of the time. I tell myself that nobody is perfect, and that includes me, and that I should continue looking for ways to learn how to handle the depression, and enjoy being engaged, work to improve, march forward, and love my fiancee. But the fact is that I’ve been feeling rotten for a few weeks, and it’s disconcerting to be in this frame of mind leading up to a marriage (though many months away).

Anyhow, this is the sort of thing that I find helpful to bounce off of Catholic peers, but right now I just happen to be short of those types of mentors on hand, so I’m resorting to the internet. I’d be curious to know if there’s any advice for me out there, maybe from those of you who are counselors or priests and have seen this sort of thing and can lend some perspective I’m missing.

God Bless!

 

[Convert3]

Hi Tony, welcome to our forum. I also suffer from depression and hit a low point a couple of years ago. Fortunately, I survived it and managed to get the help I needed. My wife of twenty years was very supportive of my battle and somehow managed to put up with me all these years. I’ve had my medications changed a few times to get it right and am now in a good place. I did counseling for a period of time, but no longer do. I am very involved with our parish, which has been a tremendous help. I regularly pray the Chaplet of Divine Mercy with a group at my parish. I’m on the parish council and a member of the KoC and Holy Name Society. I do my best to attend daily mass because it keeps me focused on our Lord.
I know your big concern is your fiancée and what to do. I think you need to talk to her about your concerns. I don’t know what her reaction will be, but if she tells you she wants to be by your side, I bet she will. I’ve been by my wife’s side for the challenge of ovarian cancer. We promise for better or worse. She kept her promise too. Our marriage is stronger than ever!
I will pray for you, Tony. God Bless!

 

[gracepoole]

Is your fiance open to premarital counseling? Perhaps in two forms – with a psycho-therapist and with a priest? Both could help you both discern whether your depression and depressive episodes are something that can be managed without significant damage to a potential marriage.

 

[Anthony_Joseph81]

Hi gracepoole, I think she would be. That’s something I can talk to her about. Thanks for the (name removed by moderator)ut.