Catholic... How do I tell my parents?

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Hi,

I come from a Lutheran backgroud, but have now just about lost my Protestantism in favour of Catholicism. Often I find my self arguing for the Roman key doctrines and against Luther and others. And sometimes i have to bite my tounge not to start arguing for the papacy and apostolic succession - well knowing that I’m not part of a Church with these things.

Everything right now tells me i should become a Catholic. Of course I still want to be as sure as possible that i shall not build lay a foundation without being able to finish. But as it is: Chesterton converted my common sense some time ago, Scott Hahn now holds the Bible hostage, and Ignatius Loyola has become an icon of the spiritual riches the Catholic Church holds for me. Moreover, the road to Rome is paved with miracles and small “signs”.

I might convert today were it not for my parents! I dont know when and how I should tell them. Keeping it secret is out of the question, as i still live home and we go to church together. But we never really talked about spiritual things in my family (we never really talk about real things at all). I want to take the next step, but I don’t know how to tell them.

I stopped taking communion three weeks ago, as I am no longer sure of the validity of our ministers ordination, so they are bound to notice sometime. But i’d rather tell them.

What can I do? Please be as specific as possible: what do i say, how do i prepare them? Also, prayers are most welcome!
  • CB
 
Wow this has to be hard, I could never imagine telling my parents I was converting (from Catholicism and they are nominal catholics at best).

I think there is alot to consider and usually with converts when they realize the truth they also understand the urgency of conversion so I do not envy you (perhaps I would if I weren’t already Catholic 😉 )

If you feel the urgency it might have to be a straight forward approach picking up the pieces later. This may actually be the most painless option.

Since there is a process to entering the church, it may give you time to drop hints. Perhaps asking questions of your parents.

For example tell them you’ve been doing some research about the development of the canon and ask them how they feel about how Luther came to his.

You could also get some documents from the councils that were held in union between Catholics and Lutheran about the nature of salvation.

I may add more, but I have to get back to work…

My prayers are with you and I rejoice in your journey.
Michael
 
Start slowly - don’t spring it on them all at once.

Just mention that you have been doing some serious reading, and that you are starting to have your doubts about Luther.

Your parents might well respond, “Well, who doesn’t? He was anything but perfect; the important thing is that he set our ancestors free from Roman oppression.”

You could then say, “That’s the part I’m having doubts about …” and take it from there.
Everything right now tells me i should become a Catholic. Of course I still want to be as sure as possible that i shall not build lay a foundation without being able to finish. But as it is: Chesterton converted my common sense some time ago, Scott Hahn now holds the Bible hostage, and Ignatius Loyola has become an icon of the spiritual riches the Catholic Church holds for me. Moreover, the road to Rome is paved with miracles and small “signs”.
Click to expand...
This is one of the most beautiful things I’ve seen, lately. 🙂
 
My heart and prayers go out to you, as I can certainly empathize. I’ve been waiting for years to tell my non-practising Catholic parents I want to be a priest.

From what I can tell here is that like me, you are still quite young, and under your parents’ care. This does not mean that converting is not important right now (it is, believe me–you’re definitely better off with the Sacraments), but rather that you can use your time at home to learn more about Catholicism and make sure that you truly want to be Catholic. Read, pray, attend Mass. You can tell your parents you are curious about Catholicism when you go to Mass, which is the truth, and this would certainly begin opening the possibility of you becoming Catholic in their minds. You could even go Saturday night, and then, for at least a little while, attend Lutheran Services with your parents in the morning.

Also, contact your local parish, its Pastor, and its RCIA director, and just begin talking with people about Catholicism. If you can make at least one friend who is a devout, orthodox Catholic and is willing to share his/her knowledge with you, your journey will be a lot smoother. I can’t imagine life without the pious people who helped me become more open to the powers of the Holy Spirit.

In short, I think it’s best to ease yourself–and your parents–into Catholicism, and rest assured that God is fully aware of your desire.

Hope some of this is worth something to you,

Mat.
 
I think you will like this article on GK Chesterson

chesterton.org/discover/lectures/49catholicconversion.html

`

I also wanted to post this as well
THE 3 Stages of Conversion to Catholicism
from the eyes of GK Chesterton

"In describing the conversion process in The Catholic Church and Conversion, Chesterton said that there are three stages that a convert goes through. In the first stage, the convert imagines himself to be entirely detached or even indifferent but feels that he ought to be fair to the Church of Rome. The convert wishes to do it justice, chiefly because he sees that the Church suffers injustice.

The second stage is:

that in which the convert begins to be conscious not only of the falsehood but the truth and is enormously excited to find that there is far more of it than he would ever have expected. . . . This process, which may be called discovering the Catholic Church, is perhaps the most pleasant and straightforward part of the business, easier than joining the Catholic Church and much easier than trying to live the Catholic life. It is like discovering a new continent full of strange flowers and fantastic animals, which is at once wild and hospitable.

The third stage, according to Chesterton, is perhaps the truest and most terrible because the person is trying not to be converted but has come too near to the truth, which is like a magnet with the powers of attraction and repulsion. Describing this stage, Chesterton says that it is impossible to be just to the Catholic Church because once men cease to pull against it, they feel the tug towards it.

The moment they cease to shout it down they begin to listen to it with pleasure. The moment they try to be fair to it they begin to be fond of it. But when that affection has passed a certain point it begins to take on the tragic and menacing grandeur of a great love affair. The man has exactly the same sense of having committed or compromised himself; of having been in a sense entrapped, even if he is glad to be entrapped. But for a considerable time he is not so much glad as simply terrified.

Converts may also remember the same discovery Chesterton describes with this statement: “Only, when he has entered the Church, he finds that the Church is much larger inside than it is outside.”
 
How to Convert to Another Religion Without Alienating Your Family

Copied from: eHow | How To Do Just About Everything!

Whether you come from a religious family or a non-practicing one, changing your religion can be an explosive event that brings up feelings of guilt, anger and betrayal, as well as control issues that are anything but spiritual. It might cause a permanent rift if not handled properly. Here are suggestions to navigate your way through this tricky time and salvage your relationship with your family.

Things You’ll Need
• Patience
• A telephone and the phone numbers of your family
• Support of friends and fellow members of your new faith
• A sense of humor

**Steps

Step One**
Be honest with yourself before you officially take the step of converting (or if you already have converted, do this before talking to your family): How much does your change in religion really have to do with your family? Is there an element of rebellion there, and if so, what part did it play in your going outside the religion you were expected to follow? Do you secretly LIKE the idea that some people who thought they had control over you might be upset? Don’t worry if this element is present in some degree, as long as it is not the main reason. It is essential that you acknowledge these feelings and determine what part they are playing, because you will be accused of converting JUST to shame or upset your family. If you’re honest, you will be able to say something like, “It’s true that I’ve sometimes felt like I needed to struggle to be my own person in this family. But that’s not the main reason I’m doing (I’ve done) this.”

Step Two
Before telling your family, decide what your long-term objective is. Accept that there will be some conflict and hurt feelings at first, but if your goal is to have a good relationship into the future, you will not want to escalate any fights or rise to any bait that might be cast your way in the first flush of anger.
Step Three
Write a script. You may memorize this or bring the page with you when you discuss the issue of your conversion with your family. Begin with a declaration of love and respect, and acknowledge that what you’re going to talk to them about may upset them, and that you’re sorry. (Modify this accordingly if they already know about your conversion.) Go back in your life and give a short account of what brought you to your decision. Remind them that now that you are an adult, they are not responsible for your beliefs and actions–this is your personal choice and conviction and your decision has nothing to do with them. Say that it’s possible for people who love each other not to share the same views. Ask them to forgive you for any hurt you have caused, but also that they respect your decision. Express how much you value your relationship with them and your desire to continue being in each other’s lives.
 
Step Four
Manage your own expectations. Depending on how religious your family is or how controlling (even if they were not religious), there may be anger, hurt, confusion and bitterness and many hurtful things may be said by people receiving the news. Don’t try to argue them out of their feelings. Certainly do not pit your religious beliefs against theirs and get into an unwinnable argument. Listen as patiently as you can and let them express themselves, no matter what they say. When you do respond, nod and affirm that you can see they are upset and you’re sorry. Be the calm in the storm.

Step Five
Break the silence. After the initial shock and blowout, there may be a period where no one is talking to each other. Don’t let this go on. You are the one who took the action, you are the one who wants to maintain a relationship, so the onus is on you to keep the lines of communication open. As difficult as it will be, especially after some unpleasant things have been said, continue to make regular phone calls. Talk about other things as much as possible, small talk, etc. Act as normal as possible. If the subject of religion comes up, and it will, repeat the things you said about how this is a personal decision and that it does not affect your feelings for them. Eventually, they may ask you why you did it, and the questions will become less accusatory and more curious. This is progress. You’ll be able to share more about what your new faith does for you. In the meantime, take the first step over and over in keeping your relationship going.

Step Six
Let your light shine. Act happy and normal. Let them see that this change has been a good thing in your life and that you are still the same person they have always known. Remember that however much you feel they rejected you when they got your news, they felt rejected first. The more time passes and they see they haven’t “lost” you, the more things will become normal and the ties between you will strengthen again.

Step Seven
Think things through. You may be asked, as I was, what you intend to do now about things like marriage, in what religion will you raise children and what arrangements should be made in the event of your death. These are complex questions even for non-converts, so don’t worry if you have no answer ready. Sometimes you will be asked these things to get you to realize the implications of what you have done. Just say you’ll think about it. If you do have answers, give them gently.
 
How about asking them questions about the Lutheran faith.

About Martin Luther.
Asking lots of questions will show your parents that you are on a journey.
Flip the questions from Catholicism to Lutheranism.
Helping them see that you are seeking the truth.
Maybe answering their questions in the process will show that you have been doing your homework.😉
 
Hmm, I wish I could offer some *good *advice, but it didn’t turn out well in my case. My father kicked me out of the house when he found out. Now, ten years later I’m ready to get baptized into the Church. My folks still arn’t ok with it… but I’ve got their only grandkids so they have to bite their tongues.

So yeah, get married, have two kids and then become Catholic… or at least that’s what worked for me! 👍
 
Just to add my 2c to the already good advise.

If you have concerns about their reaction before you can explain it all, or if you’re worried about saying it right, you may want to consider writing it down for them to read before discussing it.

This would probably be my approach. It allows you to word things clearly, it prevents interuption of the chain of thought, it allows them to go over it and prevnets misunderstandings becasue the words are on the page.
Of course you’ll include how much you love them and respect how they raised you and thank them for your inquisitive mind etc. You’ll also include that you want to discuss this with them anytime, and that this is not some “snap” decision. - Well you know what you want to say.👍

Peace
James
 
Most important is not to spring it on them all at once. Remember, they don’t know anything about what goes on in your head. The worst would be feelings of personal hurt, my mom was really hurt when i told her because she felt that the religion she chose for me wasn’t good enough and that i was tossing her aside. Not the case at all…

For a while, Jesus will be your only refuge. If, like me, he has graced you with this irrefutable knowledge (it does come from God btw), he will give you the strength to survive the storm. Reside in him, and he will show you the way. Most of all remember, you are an adult now, your spiritual path must be your own, and it must be the one God is calling you to follow. Jesus first, everyone else second, me last. Follow Jesus and your life will be bliss, even in times of serious trial.

They won’t understand for a while, it just won’t click. It’s like now you’re “one of them…those guys we talk about”. Live by example, continue loving them as you did before, they are your parents. Most of all, don’t try to evangelize them, my mom was terrified i was going to bring a priest home and preach at her…

Keep on biting your tongue, it will be a bit of a lonely time for you. It’s hard to stay quiet when you have someone telling you that it is very Christian to be responsible and use condoms and that they arent inthe bible anywhere. Be patient and loving, and continue to follow Christ’s lead.

Good luck, feel free to PM me if anything,

-revelations
 
The biggest mistake you could make is to spring it all at once as it almost always turns out bad.

The best thing to do is to talk little by little, finding ways to share little things you have learned. If you spring it all at once it is like an assault on the senses and usually just ends up in a gut rejection of it all.

I would echo jmcrae, go slow and share what you can. Ask them about Luther, later share some Scott Hahn or something along those lines. Too many people make the same mistake with their spouses\family. They kinda hide their study of the faith and when they finally decide to share it, it all blows up in a big mess.

God Bless
Scylla
 
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