Catholic marital preparation...need help

[PA2NCCatholic]

My fiance and I are getting married and we just started the process with my parish. My fiance was raised Catholic but following the death of her father several years ago, she fell away from the church. I also attribute her lack of strong faith to her mother who, although Catholic, has expressed disagreements with the church. I have since tried to bring my fiance back and she has been going to mass, agreed to get married in the church and raise children Catholic.

Now that we have started the counseling, she has been researching it online. She came across a message board (I haven’t seen it yet) where a woman said she started pre-marriage counseling. The poster indicated that their priest asked if she ever had a mental issue/disability (which she had) and if psychological help was ever sought (which she did). The poster further indicated that the priest refused to marry them because of her mental issue.

Now getting back to my fiance, she has been seeing a psychologist in dealing with the death of her father/depression. She is very sensitive about it and doesn’t want to tell anybody about it, let alone the priest. Further she is upset and angry that the priest could conceivably forbid the marriage because of her depression/counseling. This has caused a big strain and I attribute it ultimately to her lack of strong faith and lack of understanding of the role of the church and the priest which I also blame on her mother.

Now for my question(s):

1. What is the rationale for the inquiry into psychological/psychiatrict counseling?
2. Can the priest refuse to marry because of depression?
3. Any suggestions?

 

[FrDavid96]

My fiance and I are getting married and we just started the process with my parish. My fiance was raised Catholic but following the death of her father several years ago, she fell away from the church. I also attribute her lack of strong faith to her mother who, although Catholic, has expressed disagreements with the church. I have since tried to bring my fiance back and she has been going to mass, agreed to get married in the church and raise children Catholic.

Now that we have started the counseling, she has been researching it online. She came across a message board (I haven’t seen it yet) where a woman said she started pre-marriage counseling. The poster indicated that their priest asked if she ever had a mental issue/disability (which she had) and if psychological help was ever sought (which she did). The poster further indicated that the priest refused to marry them because of her mental issue.

Now getting back to my fiance, she has been seeing a psychologist in dealing with the death of her father/depression. She is very sensitive about it and doesn’t want to tell anybody about it, let alone the priest. Further she is upset and angry that the priest could conceivably forbid the marriage because of her depression/counseling. This has caused a big strain and I attribute it ultimately to her lack of strong faith and lack of understanding of the role of the church and the priest which I also blame on her mother.

Now for my question(s):

1. What is the rationale for the inquiry into psychological/psychiatrict counseling?
2. Can the priest refuse to marry because of depression?
3. Any suggestions?

1. In order to be validly married, one must freely express consent to be married. The priest is asking because he needs to know that the person has the “mental capacity” to freely give consent.
2. That is not a reason for denying or delaying marriage
3. Here we go: The last thing we should get into here are any details of your fiance’s condition. That is indeed a private matter. That question is one which is asked of all individuals preparing for marriage. The priest needs to investigate if there are any issues which would prevent someone from freely and willingly consenting. I’m no mental health expert (far from it) but in my very limited knowledge, I don’t think that depression as such would inhibit a person from giving consent. Every person is different of course. Only your own pastor can give you an answer for your situation, but it’s important that you know WHY that question is being asked.

The Sacrament of Marriage is not delayed/denied simply because someone is under the care of mental health professionals; it depends very much on the nature of the illness. If the illness affects one’s ability to consent, marriage cannot occur; if the illness does not affect that, then the marriage can go forward. The question simply has to be asked. Remember that counseling with the priest in in the internal forum and is confidential (although depending on the circumstances the priest may have to talk to another priest at the diocese who would also be bound by confidentiality)

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

My fiance and I are getting married and we just started the process with my parish. My fiance was raised Catholic but following the death of her father several years ago, she fell away from the church. I also attribute her lack of strong faith to her mother who, although Catholic, has expressed disagreements with the church. I have since tried to bring my fiance back and she has been going to mass, agreed to get married in the church and raise children Catholic.

Now that we have started the counseling, she has been researching it online. She came across a message board (I haven’t seen it yet) where a woman said she started pre-marriage counseling. The poster indicated that their priest asked if she ever had a mental issue/disability (which she had) and if psychological help was ever sought (which she did). The poster further indicated that the priest refused to marry them because of her mental issue.

Now getting back to my fiance, she has been seeing a psychologist in dealing with the death of her father/depression. She is very sensitive about it and doesn’t want to tell anybody about it, let alone the priest. Further she is upset and angry that the priest could conceivably forbid the marriage because of her depression/counseling. This has caused a big strain and I attribute it ultimately to her lack of strong faith and lack of understanding of the role of the church and the priest which I also blame on her mother.

Now for my question(s):

1. What is the rationale for the inquiry into psychological/psychiatrict counseling?
2. Can the priest refuse to marry because of depression?
3. Any suggestions?

The reason is to insure that each person is capable of making a free, informed, commitment. some mental disorders may not allow a person to make such a life long commitment.

Yes, a priest can refuse to marry a person if he feels that they are incapable of a free, informed commitment. Not necessarily specifically for depression but possibly based on the effects of the depression. Better this is understood now rather than later.

Let the Marriage process do it’s thing. This is what it is designed to look into, one thing is a persons capability of entering into a valid Marriage.

 

[PA2NCCatholic]

Thanks for the info. I suspected it was to ensure one is able to enter into a contract of marriage. She says she doesn’t like the fact that she sees this priest every week and that he will know that she suffers from depression…of course I said that priests hear alot worse in confession.

In any case, I think ultimately she if afraid to admit that her mother is wrong about her views of the church and she viewed this as some justification on her mother’s part.

As an aside, her sister had also fallen away but her husband (eucharistic minister) ultimately convinced her to go back and she now is a religious education teacher at their parish.

 

[PhilotheaZ]

God bless you for gently leading your fiancee back to the Church! That is the best gift you can give her.

 

[joandarc2008]

Keep up the good work! My fiance was my RCIA sponsor and although neither one of us is perfect the path we have taken through faith TOGETHER has made our relationship much stronger. Remember that what God binds, no man shall break.

God bless,