Catholic marriage without state license

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reginacarey

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I was raised a strict catholic and raised my children as strict catholics . I divorced my husband of 23 yrs after many unhappy years and fear that he was going to kill me. I retired from nursing a few yrs ago and bought a home and have a nice retirement. I have been dating a man that I have known for years and we would like to marry in the church . We are both in out late 60’s and have friends that have experienced financial losses because of spouses medical bills. Our children are grown and we both have wills leaving our children our posessions and fear a civil marrriage would cause problems. I dont think the state should be involved with a marriage in a church with God’s blessings . There are many Catholic seniors that are cohabitating because of the reasons that I have mentioned . I know all of the laws of the church and I go to mass but dont receive communion because we live together most the time . I watch young catholics go to communion that I know should not be , one is a family member that has been cohabitating for years she ask me why I dont go to communion and I tell her and she says I dont think that is wrong if you love each other. I agree with her but the church says it is a sin.I dont understand all of this and how some people think they dont have to follow the church laws and make their own rules that is not the way I was taught. I guess I drifted away from my topic but just wish somehow catholics could be married without a marriage license.
 
Have you talked to your pastor about this? Have you begun the annulment process?
 
My ex husband past away 3 yrs ago and I had been caring for him for several years.Yes I did talk to my pastor and he said he would pray for me and although he understand my situation cannot change the laws of the church
 
Matthew 6:24 is pretty clear. We are not to put worldly goods before God. We cannot choose to sin in order to keep our money and possessions.
 
First, marriage is both a civil/legal institution and it is a sacrament.

The Church simply cannot separate the two. Marriage is not like baptism where the Church can say “this is our ceremony that we celebrate and it has nothing to do with the state.”

Second, if your concern is financial, that’s perfectly reasonable.

This is what you wrote
We are both in out late 60’s and have friends that have experienced financial losses because of spouses medical bills.
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It is possible to make legal arrangements to specify how financial obligations are met; in other words a pre-nuptial agreement.

Now, someone surely is going to say “Catholics cannot have pre-nuptial agreements.” That’s simply not true. They happen all the time.

What is true is that Catholics cannot enter marriage while making an agreement that says “if this marriage ends in divorce then…” That kind of agreement/contract is contrary to the permanence of marriage. (There are some others, but suffice to say that’s the biggest problem).

There are civil lawyers and canonists who can help couples prepare pre-nuptial agreements that do not violate the Church’s teaching on the permanence of marriage.

I would suggest you talk to your pastor about working with those lawyers and see if what you would like to happen (maybe an agreement about keeping separate finances) can be put into place.
 
I have been reading other topic and replies to other people’s thoughts about similar situations and I am glad to see that so many people feel the same as I do.
 
reginacarey said:
We are both in out late 60’s and have friends that have experienced financial losses because of spouses medical bills.
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Speak to a family law attorney, as Father suggests. There are ways to keep assets separate.
 
Dear @reginacarey, I was very happy to learn that you are not obligated by canon law to apply for a state marriage license before receiving the sacrament of matrimony in the church. It is unfortunate though that if a priest presides over the sacrament without you first having permission from the state, he might be liable for prosecution! I do believe though, if you ask around a bit, you might find a priest who will help you. There are actually many good and holy priests who believe as we do that the state has no place demanding us to contract with the state prior to the sacrament.
St. Anthony is an awesome saint to ask for help on this matter. My friend who was in your shoes had great success in asking for his intercession. Good luck and God bless.
 
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