Catholic married to Aethiest

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rjlayne

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I am happily married 20 years to a wonderful man whose only “fault” is that he tells me he’s an athiest and doesn’t believe in God.

When we married, we were both divorced and not practicing any faith. I had gone back to Mass after my first marriage of 9 years in which I was emotionally blackmailed out of my faith. My steady return to the Church has taken many years during this second marriage.

My husband was baptized and raised in the Church of England and even participated as an alter boy. I always believed his faith was just listless or buried beneath his war experiences. In the last 2 years, he has declared to me that he is an athiest.

I am off balance as I realize we have no common ground on which to base an actual discussion. He has been and is tolerant of my regular attendance at Mass each week and participation in the parish. I have a couple of crucifixes in the house, but I don’t feel comfortble praying the rosary when he’s home. ( I pray on the way to work) I still feel self conscious saying grace at meals in front of him.

How do I approach this situation? I really want our marriage to be blessed with our mutual love for God.
 
One of your goals as a Catholic is to get to Heaven. Going to Mass, etc is part of that plan. And if for you, saying the rosary is part of that goal as well, then so be it - which means you should pray the rosary whenever your heart desires. Same goes with grace before meals.

As for him being tolerant about you attending Mass - he has no choice.

It should only be a problem if he’s a militant atheist.

That’s just my 2 cents as a Church Militant.
 
I appreciate your “two cents”, Juggling. I hope my husbnd takes the oppportunity to strive for heaven too. What does an athiest actually believe in?
 
Note : I would never take my advice… I’m usually wrong…

That said :

I would ask him if he minds you saying Grace before meals… It sounds like he likely won’t have a problem with it.

After that, I’d ask him if he minds the occasional Rosary… Again, he sounds like a very understanding person and would have no problem with it.

Lastly, I’d ask if he minds you saying a Rosary “for him”. Tell him you love him and want to spend more than just this life with him. You want to spend eternity with him and to that end you’d like to pray that God show Himself to your husband.

My “guess” is he would be moved by the suggestion and that it might open a window that God can use… Of course, as stated above I could be (and probably am) wrong…

God bless and I’ll say a Rosary for him on my way home today 🙂
 
rjlayne said:
I appreciate your “two cents”, Juggling. I hope my husbnd takes the oppportunity to strive for heaven too. What does an athiest actually believe in?
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Probably theirselves. God bless:thumbsup:👍👍
 
You’re likely to get a lot of different answers to the question “What do atheists believe”. I have found that many people who claim to be atheists just say they believe there is no God, but haven’t really thought much about what else they believe or about what follows from believing there is no God. I know that some people who genuinely seek the truth have reasoned their way into a true belief that there is no God, but I think that many so-called atheists are simply avoiding the consequences of admitting that God exists. If you admit there is a God, then you have to deal with the fact that you are subject to Him, and many people had rather pretend there is no God than submit to Him.

If your husband is an atheist because an honest search for the truth has led him to that conclusion, then perhaps he will be open to discussing what he believes and you can deal with that. If he is a pretend atheist who denies God’s existence to keep from having to follow Him, he may not be open to discussion and you may have to live an authentic Christian life before him and pray that he will be drawn to the light of the Holy Spirit coming from within you.

A couple of good resources: 1) www.conversiondiary.com is the blog of former atheist Jennifer Fulwiler. She was a genuine atheist who thought that only atheists could be reasoning, intelligent people and that anyone who believed in God only believed because they were weak. Then she met some ivy league professors who were “believers” and she began to question the beliefs she had always held. Since she didn’t know any Christians to discuss things with, she started her blog so she could ask her questions about about Christianity online. She is now an orthodox Catholic.
  1. The Godless Delusion by Patrick Madrid
Pray and offer sacrifices for your husband’s conversion. A green scapular, used with devotion and not superstition, couldn’t hurt, either. 😃
 
rjlayne said:
. What does an athiest actually believe in?
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+LDM
Well, it depends on which definition you would like. A cultural definition or an actual definition. Culturally, it has become more of a social term saying “Yeah, God’s not really my thing. I don’t really believe in that stuff.”

For a literal definition, you can break down the word. The prefix “a” is generally understood as meaning “without”. the term “Theist” would refer to a person with a belief about God. Literally, an atheist is supposed to be a person without the belief of a god.

Another way I have heard it looked at is using the prefix “a” with it’s definition of “against”. That would insinuate atheists hold the belief against God.

So…if they don’t believe in God, why do any good works? Most Atheists I’ve heard will say that they are able to have morals because they base them on society. They don’t answer to a god, but they still want to be loved.

Either way, it’s not good. As his wife, I think it is really important for you to be Catholic as much as the Spirit prods you to be. It is our responsibility to show Jesus to people who do not know him. That does not mean being obnoxious or shoving scripture down his throat, but showing him your genuine joy and love for God.

St Francis says it best “Preach the Gospel Daily, and when necessary, use words.”
 
rjlayne said:
I am happily married 20 years to a wonderful man whose only “fault” is that he tells me he’s an athiest and doesn’t believe in God.

When we married, we were both divorced and not practicing any faith. I had gone back to Mass after my first marriage of 9 years in which I was emotionally blackmailed out of my faith. My steady return to the Church has taken many years during this second marriage.

My husband was baptized and raised in the Church of England and even participated as an alter boy. I always believed his faith was just listless or buried beneath his war experiences. In the last 2 years, he has declared to me that he is an athiest.

I am off balance as I realize we have no common ground on which to base an actual discussion. He has been and is tolerant of my regular attendance at Mass each week and participation in the parish. I have a couple of crucifixes in the house, but I don’t feel comfortble praying the rosary when he’s home. ( I pray on the way to work) I still feel self conscious saying grace at meals in front of him.

How do I approach this situation? I really want our marriage to be blessed with our mutual love for God.
Click to expand...
Even if he was a believer your marriage would not be considered valid by the Church. You mentioned both of you were previously divorced. The Church considers you validly married to your first husband and your partner to his first wife. Without annulments in both cases that will never change.
Without annulments the only way for you to be fully reconciled with the Church (meaning able to receive Communion) is to live a life of continence (i.e. no sexual relationship).
 
Myqyl said:
Note : I would never take my advice… I’m usually wrong…

That said :

I would ask him if he minds you saying Grace before meals… It sounds like he likely won’t have a problem with it. 🙂
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I like that idea. Thank you. I will try it.
 
thistle said:
Even if he was a believer your marriage would not be considered valid by the Church. You mentioned both of you were previously divorced. The Church considers you validly married to your first husband and your partner to his first wife. Without annulments in both cases that will never change.
Without annulments the only way for you to be fully reconciled with the Church (meaning able to receive Communion) is to live a life of continence (i.e. no sexual relationship).
Click to expand...
About 15 years ago I was able to accept the counselilng of my parish Pastor. He helped me finally face annulment proceedings ( my third stressful attempt in 5 years to deal with honestly answering the questionaire). We also recieved the Church’s blessing during Mass and I had made a confession through which I know God truly made my soul new again.

It is good of you to bring up these important points. Following them have been key to bringing me where I am in my faith.
Bless you
 
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