Catholic mothers out there, I need your help! (Choosing a job)

[The_Magdalene]

Hello!

I am almost 30 years of age, single, and want to prepare for becoming a mother if God is calling me to that vocation which I think will become clear to me soon.

I am currently employed full-time, saving as much money as I can, and am in my first year of study of becoming a primary school teacher.

I have some concerns. If I get married and have children, I don’t want to be dropping my children off at daycare to teach other children during the day. This seems highly counterproductive and would obviously not be what God wants. I love children, which is why I chose this profession.

I have been considering nursing which would allow weekend work, this would be good if my husband works 9-5 on weekdays, I am just concerned about the nigh-shift work.

A few years ago, I was also about having a career but I have recently come to discern over the last year, that God would only ever want two things for me. The vocation of a religious life or the vocation of being a mother, and to fulfil either one of them with all of my love, strength and energy although at this stage I don’t feel that I am being called to the religious life. However, I wouldn’t now enrol in a Law degree program to work as a lawyer for the next 10 years up until the age of 40 while my children suffer in this process.

Could you please share your experiences on managing a paid job and the vocation to marriage and motherhood?

Thank you and God bless.

 

[The_Magdalene]

That sounds wonderful. As a paraeducator, did that mean you had to work throughout the day? Who was looking after your children during this time?
Would you recommend the educator sector over the nursing sector?

 

[The_Magdalene]

Oh ok. Unfortunately, I will not have that luxury as neither of my parents are alive or within close proximity. I suppose it would make it difficult for a mother who wants to be with her children as much as possible and who doesn’t have parents to help.

 

[Viki63]

Look into what your hours would likely be if you were to go into nursing. Weekends would be good, night shift maybe not.

I made a big mistake when I signed up for an evening shift in nursing. I worked 10 or 11 am and got home at 7 or 8, so we ended up never eating dinner together. I couldn’t find another job – didn’t try very hard as it was good pay – but didn’t realize till later how much it had hurt my kids to not have their mother around evenings.
teaching might be good, though it doesn’t pay as well as nursing. and you would have summers off, and evenings.
There are trade-offs in every profession.

 

[Peeps]

I am in my 60s, married for 40 years to date, and my husband and I raised two girls, who are lovely and hard-working women today (one married, one dating).

I stayed home with my children until they were both in school, around 6 years.

I was able to do that because I married a man who earned an income sufficient (not luxurious) to pay for our needs (and only a few of our “wants” and none of our luxuries) for those six years.

He was also totally on board with my staying home with our children. Today, he constantly honors and praises me for the work that I did raising the girls. They had a wonderful childhood, with lots of free play time outdoors and indoors, only a little television (and it was all child-appropriate), lots of “field trips” (mainly to visit different parks, historic sites, and people in different professions), day camps, vacation Bible schools, and other activities, and a good church with many excellent children’s program and clubs (many of which I taught!). I also read to them daily for at least a half hour or more, and we attended the twice-weekly story times at our branch library. And by the time they were 3, the girls were involved with the sport of ice skating (lessons, classes, and competitions) and my older daughter was in ballet and church choir.

The girls did not attend pre-school, yet both of them were more than ready for school (kindergarten). Both knew how to read before they started kindergarten, as well as being able to say and write their names, addresses, phone numbers, and parents’ names. Because of their involvement with Sunday school at the Protestant church, as well as the various museum classes (all free, by the way) and the experiences at Vacation Bible schools, they knew how to behave in a school setting (sitting at a desk, obeying rules, etc.).

So my advice to you is to marry a man who earns an income and has the job security that will allow you to stay home with any children while they are young.

When my girls entered school, I started working again (mainly to pay for the ice skating).

My second piece of advice to you is to make sure that when you start working again, do NOT plan to use your income to pay for family necessities (mortgage/rent, car, gas, utility bills, etc.) Ideally, it should not be used to buy groceries, although groceries are an expense that can easily be adjusted to fit the amount of money available (e.g., instead of buying expensive burger as a protein source, buy dried beans).

Your second income should be used to pay for the “extras” that are not necessary for a happy family, but sure make life more “rich” and fun. E.g., most of my income paid for the ice skating lessons, competitions, tests, travel, airplane tickets, etc for our daughters.

My husband and I chose to utilize our incomes this way because of reading various financial planning experts, all Christians, who strongly suggested that any couple should be able to get along on one income just in case one of them was unable to work.

I wish you all the best in your life! Enjoy every minute.

 

[Peeps]

In case some readers are scoffing at the idea that “ice skating lessons” are necessities, not luxuries–

–our family lived in a dumpy house that cost less than many of our friends’ cars, and was furnished almost entirely with hand-me-downs (we still live in it!). We drove tiny used cars until they literally fell apart in the driveway. We ate a lot of really cheap meals, wore cheap clothing, and took family vacations to local parks–no Disney world for us. At the time, my husband’s job covered all the health care for our family (this is not the case anymore, but it doesn’t matter bcause I work and have my own insurance).

We were in debt up to our ear tips, mainly for repairs to the house and cars. We took out loans to pay for the girls’ college, and are just now paying them off. (They took out loans, too.) I don’t think they would have had the career that they currently have without the colleges that they attended.

We didn’t really worry too much about the debt because we knew that the girls would be grown up all too soon, and we would have two incomes available to pay for those debts–and that’s exactly what happened. Once the girls were on their own, a large percentage of my income went to pay for those debts. It worked–we were lucky and blessed, I admit, because it could have gone horribly wrong–I could have gotten sick or diagnosed with some debilitating condition, etc.

We also had family who would have helped us out if we needed it, but we never had to ask them. But if we had run into any trouble, they would have been happy to help us.

I hope this explains my comments about “necessities” and “luxuries.”

One last piece of advice–ice skating is one of the most expensive sports that a person can be involved with, and there are NO college scholarships. If it’s possible–and this depends on the “natural bent” of your children and also on the parents’ ability to enjoy a sport (e.g., my husband and I absoutely despise the sport of soccer and actually told our daughters that if they chose to play this dumb game, we would never attend the games)–get them involved with a sport that is cheaper (e.g., swimming, basketball, track/field) and that has the possibility of a college scholarship!

Almost any sport other than equestrian sports is cheaper than ice skating!

One of my friends got her daughter involved in basketball at her parish elementary school, and the girl continued to play throughtout her school days. She received a full-ride basketball scholarship to a Division II college, and will graduate this year with a degree in nursing.

 

[Anicette]

I am not in your socio cultural areas, so ours circusntances are very differents.

I was torn by theses questions in my 20’s, as I has to make career’s decisions too. I waited to get married and want to stay at home to raise my children.
As soon as the doors of a job in the public functions, and in my field, were opening to me (a rare priviledge!), I get pregnant.
I was torn, and everyone push me to the job, but my I was sure what I would not want: to work and let someone else to raise my children. So I let my carrer possibilities to close forever.

I am at peace about my choices. I have done what need to be done. I homeschooled my oldest child.
We have enough to have a roof under our head, to be debt free and to eat properly. We are not rich, and cannot make any extra such as holidays apart our extended family or have extra things such as a second car, or a bedroom per child.

It is possible for us because my husband has made great financials sacrifices for decades, wait many years to get married in order to save enough and accept (and the family too!) to be dependant of our family even as married people before to be financially independant.

Another possibility for you is to stop a professional activity when your children are little, and many things in between.

You just need to know what you want to do, after the path you be clearer. And a lot is hypothesis here, if you don’t know the man you will married, his ressources and his opinions. Or even if you will have children and when.

 

[jlc2k2]

I have a corporate desk job in banking and am expecting my 5th child. Yes, we have to utilize daycare. In our case, it’s a nanny who is like another family member to us. My job is just that - a job. My vocation is still to be a wife and mother. My job enables that. There is no way that we’d be able to afford the kids we have on my husband’s salary alone, much less more.

One great benefit of my job is that it’s flexible. Over the years, I’ve shown my reliability so if I need to take time off for doctors appointments or award ceremonies or after school activities for the kids, there’s no issue. So I can be there for my kids in a way that I couldn’t with a less flexible job or if I had waited until my kids were in school to start working.

I’d also caution you about assuming that marriage means babies will come easily. They well may. But it’s not a guarantee. Some of the strongest Catholic women I know are teachers who have been unable to conceive biological children of their own. They are wonderful spiritual mothers to my children and many, many others.

 

[TheLittleLady]

want to prepare for becoming a mother if God is calling me to that vocation

Motherhood is a fruit, stems from the vocation of marriage.

and would obviously not be what God wants

God does not decree that parents, moms, should not put their children in daycare. God wants us to get to heaven, the sort of school/daycare we give our children is something that we each decide, and it may change at different phases of life.

I was a working mom with a high-level career, I traveled almost every week, 12 hour days were normal. My son was in my sister’s care when he was a baby, in daycare for a few years, same facility for after care when he started school. Then he became latchkey.

By the time our son was 10, my career was advancing, so, he became a SAHD.

Our adult son is a fine man, excellent work ethic, deep faith, very independent and a self starter.

On the other hand, I was homeschooled back before that was even a word, and I think I turned out well.

Do not fret about what will happen years down the road. If you discern marriage, you and your husband to decide what your ideals are, when a baby comes, you adjust as needed.

 

[Psalm30]

and would obviously not be what God wants.

This is a very definitive statement. What God wants isn’t always “obvious.” That’s why we discern.

God does not decree that parents, moms, should not put their children in daycare. God wants us to get to heaven, the sort of school/daycare we give our children is something that we each decide, and it may change at different phases of life.

What TheLittleLady said.