Catholic Teacher, Terrible Situation

[Tampa_Dave]

My brother is bisexual, but he is a devout practicing Catholic. He too abstains from intimate relationships. I sympathize with your cause and wish you the very best, my friend.

 

[3DOCTORS]

OP, you are not stood up for when you are minding your own business and setting a fantastic example for keeping the 6th Commandment, while this woman is blatantly breaking the 8th Commandment at your expense.

If they allow this gal to dictate your fate, the parish powers-that-be will send a message that’s going to backfire. It will make younger persons like yourself who are dealing with SSA more afraid to do what you’re doing, which is calmly embracing God’s plan of chastity for one’s state in life. The kids with SSA who see you being persecuted might be more apt to be tempted to take the path of least resistance into the “gay community.”

If we can’t show Christian love and especially applaud one who is setting such a good example, we are in sad shape indeed. :sad_yes: You are displaying heroic virtue. Pray to St. Gerard, patron of the falsely accused. And I will be praying for you.

 

[Allegra]

I would certainly not be concerned, and in fact, I would be glad that the students had a chaste role model to look up to. This situation is horrific and I agree that you should consult an attorney. I was harrassed by a unemployed mother’s club at my first teaching job and I highly regret not seeking help from my union and from an attorney. What was done to me was illegal, threatening, and I should have sought legal help. Unfortunately, I was young and had no idea what my rights were. I decided to find a new job, (and that I don’t regret because I love my job and I believe it is exactly where God wants me to be.) rather than fight the injustice and I know two other great teacher who have been unjustly driven out of teachers by these small-town tyrants.

 

[GreyRabbit]

I can’t give better advice than what’s already on here, or add to the advice given. So I’ll just: :hug1:

May God bless you and guide you!

 

[CatholicServant]

Hi everyone,

I’m not sure if this is the right forum - it has to do with kids but please feel free to relocate it if I’ve chosen incorrectly.

I have a terrible dilemma and my heart is broken over it. I really need some guidance and unfortunately I can’t seek out too much support in person.

Let me begin by saying that I am a 44-year-old gay man. I have been single my entire life and I live alone. I have been a professional education for 19 years. The first three years I worked in a public school, and for the past 16 I have worked at the Catholic elementary school that I attended with my siblings in the 1970s. I teach Jr. high mathematics and social studies. My students are 6th-8th graders.

I was raised as one of five kids in a very devout family. I am still a devout and practicing Catholic, which of course means that despite the fact that I am a gay man, I live a chaste life. I came to terms with this MANY years ago and am perfectly happy in my vocation, living without a romantic partner, but being very involved with my extended family (I am the uncle the spoils all the nieces and nephews), and a very dedicated educator. I am a eucharistic extraordinary minister and lector at my parish. I attend mass every Sunday, and often get to daily mass before work.

I have never, ever, been attracted sexually to anyone outside of my own age bracket. I have never had a same-sex relationship, and I do not support any gay causes that go against Church teaching. Overall I am a very normal guy who has a job and a cat, an extended family, a gym membership, friends, a rich faith life - there is nothing about me that is weird or unsettling except for possibly the fact that I’ve never been married.

So, now that that is out of the way - I have never been openly gay. I am simply single. Now, I am sure people have wondered about me over the years, and I know that rumors have gone 'round about Mr. ___ being gay, but mostly these have been minimal and have not impacted my job or life in any way. However, this year has been different.

I have a student in 7th grade whose mother has taken up the cause of not only “outing” me, but getting me fired. I am devastated.

It first started when her son, a 7th grader, misbehaved in my class on several occasions and was put on academic suspension. He was unable to participate in three basketball games for the school team, which infuriated his mother and father. His mom went to our principal and apparently accused me of being “obviously a homosexual” and unfit to teach. She said she was very worried that I would molest one of the boys, which broke my heart because there is nothing I find more repulsive than child abuse. My principal supported me, saying that he does not know anything about my personal life but that he had no reason to suspect that I was a criminal or leading an immoral lifestyle.

Of course, my principal confronted me and although he did not ask me outright, I did confide to him that I was a gay man living a chaste life. This mother, in the meantime, emailed all the other 7th-grade parents and said that she was very worried about the school’s hiring criteria and why they would allow a “almost certain homosexual” to be teaching at a Catholic school. She attached some studies that “proved” that gay men are more likely to be pedophiles than straight, and got a few other parents riled up. One parent forwarded me the email that was sent. Since that time, I have been embroiled in a very humiliating and uncomfortable back and forth between this mother, the students, etc. I have found kids’ notes and such calling me a “fag” and a “homo” and I know that this mom is willing to take this all the way to the cardinal.

Other parents, though, have supported me, and avoided the gossip. I have never confirmed or denied that I was gay, and when approached by anyone I simply state that my private life is private, and that I have nothing to hide. The mom who started this all has threatened to pull her kids from our school if the “predator” is not removed. I realize she has a right to advocate for her child, but I am not a predator and I am very hurt by the accusation.

Now I am at a crossroads - I could move on to another school in another town and hope this doesn’t follow me, or I could wait it out at this school while being persecuted. After 16 years I’m not sure what to do. Any advice? Part of me wants to just announce “Yes, I’m gay, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I live a single person’s vocation, so lay off.” The other part of me is so disgusted with the gossip and intolerance that I just want to leave. Would you be upset if you found out one of your child’s teachers was a chaste gay person?

I am the parent of a child and soon to be children enrolled in a local Catholic School and I am very proud of you and how you are carrying your cross (we all have our own crosses to bear). You are living your life and vocation in line with Church teaching - those that are burdened with same sex attraction are to live a chaste life, not engaging in your attraction, and I do prefer to say that you are a Catholic male with same sex attraction rather than saying you are a “gay man”.

I would have no issue whatsoever that you are a single male teaching my children. Honestly, it should not even be a point of discussion unless you were openly living a sinful lifestyle. The same for me would be a heterosexual teacher living an openly co-habitating lifestyle.

God bless you

 

[HolyRosaryChild]

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Do not admit your own personal life and/or way of life to the School, Staff, Parents and Students for the following reasons;

(a) it is your relationship with God and not any other person’s business and that includes Priests and the Catholic community in which you reside.
(b) people are tempted to judge on any situation which will escalate and hurt you profoundly (satan) by opening your heart up and inviting satan to work through the community.
(c) On discrimination grounds and on the basis of one parent’s judgement and generalisations whereby you have not admitted your personal life; get reinstated into the Catholic Education office and system. Jesus called you to be a wonderful loving, caring and wise Teacher to His Children. Do not allow satan to interfere with this.
(d) There are more serious sins committed against Jesus with the use of a viper tongue caused by satan. Remember this any time you are attacked personally while doing the job that Jesus called you to do and continue to undertake until you retire.
(e) Pray The Holy Rosary saying “I hand over my Catholic Education Teaching and Career to Thee Dear God, The Holy Spirit, Jesus and Our Lady Mary now and for Eternity”. Attend Reconciliation as you normally do along with your weekly Mass. Give Jesus His opportunity to work through this situation that was developed by satan in one mother and do not throw the towel in by leaving the Catholic System. Jesus appointed every one of His Christian and Catholic Teachers; you being one of His special appointed!

Inform the Catholic Education Office in your Region that you will have no alternative other than to go public with this discrimination if you are not re-instated. This is not Jesus’ works and not about religion. Your wonderful most giving and selfless teaching history speaks for itself and the Catholic Education system needs to support you and retain you.

Write to your Local Bishop for his advice,

God Bless.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

OP, is there any news you can share?

 

[Debora123]

Hi everyone,

I’m not sure if this is the right forum - it has to do with kids but please feel free to relocate it if I’ve chosen incorrectly.

I have a terrible dilemma and my heart is broken over it. I really need some guidance and unfortunately I can’t seek out too much support in person.

Let me begin by saying that I am a 44-year-old gay man. I have been single my entire life and I live alone. I have been a professional education for 19 years. The first three years I worked in a public school, and for the past 16 I have worked at the Catholic elementary school that I attended with my siblings in the 1970s. I teach Jr. high mathematics and social studies. My students are 6th-8th graders.

I was raised as one of five kids in a very devout family. I am still a devout and practicing Catholic, which of course means that despite the fact that I am a gay man, I live a chaste life. I came to terms with this MANY years ago and am perfectly happy in my vocation, living without a romantic partner, but being very involved with my extended family (I am the uncle the spoils all the nieces and nephews), and a very dedicated educator. I am a eucharistic extraordinary minister and lector at my parish. I attend mass every Sunday, and often get to daily mass before work.

I have never, ever, been attracted sexually to anyone outside of my own age bracket. I have never had a same-sex relationship, and I do not support any gay causes that go against Church teaching. Overall I am a very normal guy who has a job and a cat, an extended family, a gym membership, friends, a rich faith life - there is nothing about me that is weird or unsettling except for possibly the fact that I’ve never been married.

So, now that that is out of the way - I have never been openly gay. I am simply single. Now, I am sure people have wondered about me over the years, and I know that rumors have gone 'round about Mr. ___ being gay, but mostly these have been minimal and have not impacted my job or life in any way. However, this year has been different.

I have a student in 7th grade whose mother has taken up the cause of not only “outing” me, but getting me fired. I am devastated.

It first started when her son, a 7th grader, misbehaved in my class on several occasions and was put on academic suspension. He was unable to participate in three basketball games for the school team, which infuriated his mother and father. His mom went to our principal and apparently accused me of being “obviously a homosexual” and unfit to teach. She said she was very worried that I would molest one of the boys, which broke my heart because there is nothing I find more repulsive than child abuse. My principal supported me, saying that he does not know anything about my personal life but that he had no reason to suspect that I was a criminal or leading an immoral lifestyle.

Of course, my principal confronted me and although he did not ask me outright, I did confide to him that I was a gay man living a chaste life. This mother, in the meantime, emailed all the other 7th-grade parents and said that she was very worried about the school’s hiring criteria and why they would allow a “almost certain homosexual” to be teaching at a Catholic school. She attached some studies that “proved” that gay men are more likely to be pedophiles than straight, and got a few other parents riled up. One parent forwarded me the email that was sent. Since that time, I have been embroiled in a very humiliating and uncomfortable back and forth between this mother, the students, etc. I have found kids’ notes and such calling me a “fag” and a “homo” and I know that this mom is willing to take this all the way to the cardinal.

Other parents, though, have supported me, and avoided the gossip. I have never confirmed or denied that I was gay, and when approached by anyone I simply state that my private life is private, and that I have nothing to hide. The mom who started this all has threatened to pull her kids from our school if the “predator” is not removed. I realize she has a right to advocate for her child, but I am not a predator and I am very hurt by the accusation.

Now I am at a crossroads - I could move on to another school in another town and hope this doesn’t follow me, or I could wait it out at this school while being persecuted. After 16 years I’m not sure what to do. Any advice? Part of me wants to just announce “Yes, I’m gay, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I live a single person’s vocation, so lay off.” The other part of me is so disgusted with the gossip and intolerance that I just want to leave. Would you be upset if you found out one of your child’s teachers was a chaste gay person?

I am SO sorry this is happening to you.
No, there is nothing at all wrong with being a gay man living a chaste lifestyle.

What a horrible, horrible woman.

 

[Dakota_Roberts]

Tangent suggestion: Don’t refer to people as “gays” or “homosexuals.” It reduces human beings to one aspect alone. In some contexts, it may not be offensive (no left handed people that I know are offended at being called “lefties.”). But most of the time, it implies a fundamental identity that isn’t helpful. (So a blonde walks into a bar…)

Try “gay people” or “homosexual people.” It turns the words back into mere adjectives instead of categorized nouns (hey, it IS a teacher thread, right?)

P.S. to the OP: I’d expect the pastor to be eager to help and to stand by you. If not, try the bishop. You’ve done nothing to trigger concerns about undermining church teaching that are the usual situations in news where a teacher is fired for living a personal example that is opposed to the mission of the school.

Objection, the word gay has had a noun usage for over three centuries

Yes: it’s like saying (and this is very blunt and not meant to offend)

If your students know you as a masturbator who has managed not to masturbate for many years it would help them etc., etc.,

Or if your students knew you as a potential fornicator, or… would-be adulterer, or… ex-artificial-contraceptor (or pick the sexual sin of your choice) it would help them blah blah blah…

Many of us have sexual sins, and thank God we are not defined (or labelled) by them, especially in public!

And only our confessor needs to know for sure.

And this is where the analogy with proclivities to sin disintegrates like the false analogy it is.

I wanted to point something out that oulls the steam from this ladies argument. To be gay means engaging in the lifestyle, “acting” on attractions. It is “not” a sin to e attracted to the same gender or the opposite gender. She is worried about a homosexual in her childs class. That isn’t the case. There is only a chaste man living a very difficult but truly blessed life of celibacy. I know you can’t control your attraction. None of us can. That doesn’t make you “gay”. This lady has no ground from which to base an argument. Just my opinion. I do hope this blows over. Thank you for your dedication to Christ and His Church. Some parents might not he seeing what you do but you better believe Christ does. I know it’s not easy but God Bless you for showing us all it is more than possible to carry our crosses in life and still be happy.

Describing someone with the term gay does mean they are sexually active or even that they were at any point despite the fact it is often assumed as such.

I get what you are saying, but I think it needs to go further.

The word “homosexual” was invented in the last century to normalize it. It doesn’t make sense…what it says is “same difference”. . .Heterosexual says “different different”

The OP is a man that struggles with SSA. It is not an “orientation” or “who someone is”. (not saying you said that-- you were heading towards this point anyway).

The word homosexual did not originate in the anglosphere thus it does not need to perfectly conform to English meanings of roots.

 

[dbreiden]

EducatorP: take some kind of action, PLEASE! Ask for a meeting with the principal and pastor. Ask them where they see this heading. Ask them if you should seek legal advice. Get them to think ahead so you can gauge where they are heading. Ask the pastor if you should request a meeting with the principal, pastor, and superintendent or whoever oversees Catholic education in your diocese.

Please do not wait for he other shoe to drop. People in positions of authority would much rather deal with a problem in its infancy than to wait until it grows out of control. You will be seen in a much better light (as you should be) if you take the initiative to deal with this problem.

Also, I disagree with the several posters who think this woman’s son should be expelled because of her actions. I think the parish would have a very hard time justifying that. But that doesn’t mean the principal and pastor have no options here.

Good luck! Keep the faith!
–Danny

 

[TheRealJuliane]

EducatorP: take some kind of action, PLEASE! Ask for a meeting with the principal and pastor. Ask them where they see this heading. Ask them if you should seek legal advice. Get them to think ahead so you can gauge where they are heading. Ask the pastor if you should request a meeting with the principal, pastor, and superintendent or whoever oversees Catholic education in your diocese.

Please do not wait for he other shoe to drop. People in positions of authority would much rather deal with a problem in its infancy than to wait until it grows out of control. You will be seen in a much better light (as you should be) if you take the initiative to deal with this problem.

Also, I disagree with the several posters who think this woman’s son should be expelled because of her actions. I think the parish would have a very hard time justifying that. But that doesn’t mean the principal and pastor have no options here.

Good luck! Keep the faith!
–Danny

I agree with this poster about her son not being punished for HER actions, but he may be a problem already. That is an issue for the administration to deal with, but the OP does need to be extremely proactive or this woman will end up getting him fired. That, I feel certain of, having watched it happen to a teacher (not for sexual reasons).