Catholic Wedding Entrance Procession

[JackieMom]

You misunderstand me, then. That wasn’t ‘snark’: if someone takes a symbol and appropriates it without any consideration of what that symbol means, then it’s an empty symbol – a show without substance. However, based on what you said in your post, that wasn’t the case…

Here’s the thing, though. I understand your point: symbols are sometimes appropriated across cultures and used in a way that has nothing to do with the originating culture’s meanings. In the case of Christmas trees, this works: pagan tribes used them to celebrate pagan rituals, but Christians appropriated them as a sign of their Christmas traditions. There was a complete break between one meaning (pagan) and the next (Christian).

However, that’s not what’s going on with a father giving away the bride. The custom began in continental Europe and has been retained continuously. It has retained its sign and its meaning. You’re not your dad’s property, you say? Nevertheless, it has retained its notions of patriarchalism – you are saying that “daddy’s little girl” becomes her husband’s girl! It’s funny that you don’t see it, even though you buy into the notion that you don’t stand on your own, but are simply replacing one man who “takes care of” you for another. Hmm…

Again, I’m not calling into question the fervor of your patriotism. Yet, not every American tradition is one to be held up and emulated!

So, answer this for me: why is this an honor for a father, but not at all something that a mother could anticipate doing? If you can’t picture your mother walking you down the aisle (and mind you – I’m not talking about the case in which Dad has passed away, and Mom walks her daughter down the aisle as a proxy, but the case in which both Mom and Dad are alive and able to do this)… then you’ve bought into the notion that, as a woman, you need a man to ‘transfer’ you from his household to your husband’s.

Symbol value: it was there in the ancient tradition, and you’ve demonstrated that it remains to today. I take back my original statement: it’s not an ‘empty symbol’, but one that continues to be rife with content that says things that (I doubt) you would say explicitly. :sad_yes:

My mother didn’t want to walk me down the aisle. She wanted my dad to have that moment.

It wasn’t changing from “Daddy’s girl” to “husband’s girl.” More like “Daddy’s girl” to “grown woman.”

You’re reading WAY too much into this. It’s not that I “don’t see it.” I choose not to take the idea as far as you do. It’s a lovely tradition. It’s American custom. Most people expect it. Many brides and dads want to do it. I was recently at a wedding where a 50-something bride was escorted by her 80-something father. It was beautiful. If a couple chooses to do away with this tradition and do something else, cool. That’s great. But to say it’s not a valid choice because several hundred years ago in Germany it meant one thing and it doesn’t hold up to current feminist ideals is silly. I tossed a bouquet at my reception, too. Is that a “superstition” that I should have avoided? How about the father-daughter dance, or the father’s speech? Now that I think about it - my wedding was absolutely RIFE with patriarchy

Really, this is not the most important part of the wedding. Why pick it to death? My husband and I are still married after all these years!

 

[agapewolf]

Wow…so much nitpicking on a wedding procession.

There is no doctrine on how a procession can go. From what I was told, you can do the procession anyway you like.

I can’t believe were getting into semantics on what the Church thinks about wedding processions!

It’s not semantics. It’s what the rite calls for, and then the allowances made for cultural customs.

 

[mandajane]

My father hasn’t been present in my life, so my FH and I have had LONG conversations about this. We discussed having my mother or brother walk me down the aisle, but neither of them felt right. Then we read the recommended processional.

We want to go to the altar together, because, as he put it, “We are choosing this of our own free will, you’re not being passed off to me like a ham sandwich.”

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Here’s how our procession went:
Parents of the groom
Parents of the bride
Ring bearer & flower girls
Matron of Honor #1 (one of my cousins who is like a sister) & Best Man #1 (my brother)
Matron of Honor #1 (my other cousin who is like a sister) & Best Man #1 (DH’s brother)
DH and me
our priest

I was in my late 30s and my husband was 40 when we got married. I think my mother was more upset than my dad, but oh well. My dad said he appreciated the statement our procession made - that we were choosing to marry each other - and that it showed our unity as a couple.

I absolutely this order!! The parents are being honored by being first in the procession, but no one is “handing off” the daughter to the husband. The couple comes down the aisle together and this also removes some of the spotlight on the bride as the “star of the show.”

The Church knows best.

 

[Gorgias]

You’re reading WAY too much into this.

But to say it’s not a valid choice

Talk about “reading into this”! I never said “it’s not a valid choice”; I’m just debating the merits of it. There’s nothing in my posts where I say, “hey! that’s invalid!”; rather, I’m simply asserting that there’s something about the tradition that implicitly says negative things about the inequality of the dignity of the person of the bride.

because several hundred years ago in Germany it meant one thing

…no – it’s that today, it means much the same thing, but without ‘ownership’ implications.

and it doesn’t hold up to current feminist ideals is silly.

No – it’s not a question of ‘feminism’: it’s a question of Christian anthropology. Are the bride and groom equal in their persons as they approach the marriage? The sign value of this custom says “no”.

Think of it this way: if this wasn’t something that little girls grow up watching in movies and incorporating into their dreams of their wedding day, what would we think about the custom? To find out, let’s try a thought experiment, by putting the custom in other contexts. Want to buy a car? Sorry – your dad has to escort you into the dealership, Miss! Want to interview for a job? Sorry, Miss – unless your dad is here with you, holding onto you, I won’t start the interview.

See what I mean? In other contexts, it would be glaringly obvious that what’s going on says really bad things about how we perceive the dignity of women. Slap a white gown on a woman, though, and have Dad escort her into church, and we get all misty-eyed…

Now that I think about it - my wedding was absolutely RIFE with patriarchy

I know … pretty surprising, when you take off the rose-colored glasses, eh?

Really, this is not the most important part of the wedding.

Agreed. However, we were asked our opinion.

 

[Catholic_Wife]

I absolutely this order!! The parents are being honored by being first in the procession, but no one is “handing off” the daughter to the husband. The couple comes down the aisle together and this also removes some of the spotlight on the bride as the “star of the show.”

The Church knows best.

I also love that both sets of parents - even though mine aren’t Catholic - brought forth the gifts. That was significant to us on so many levels.

 

[Mangaartist]

We didn’t do a procession at all, our priest just started Mass after he processed in from the sacristy. I did feel that being “give away” would be weird, and very unequal. Though I also don’t have much of a relationship with my dad, and I knew he was not walking me anywhere, and wouldn’t be presented in a position of honor at my wedding. I would have been OK with DH and I walking in together, but we both preferred less direct spotlight on us. I think this may have bothered some people, but it’s just how we felt most comfortable.

 

[NSFrame]

You’re making a monumental transition from your childhood nuclear family to creating a brand new family with your husband. Having your father walk you up the aisle of the church towards the altar to meet your groom is a beautiful gesture - maybe sentimental rather than religious but so be it.

 

[Sarabande]

Thank you both for your replies. While I want to honor my father, I can’t help but think the church knows best or else they would suggest otherwise? Tough decisions

Go with what sits best for you. The Church allows for “local customs”, such as having the father walk the bride down the aisle, but if you want to do exactly what is suggested for the Rite of Marriage, then do that.

We had a mix of Western and Filipino cultural traditions during the mass/ceremony and the processional. I had my mother and father walk with me down the aisle when I married my husband, which tends to be the tradition now with most Filipino weddings I’ve attended and cantored. Filipino wedding traditions are known to be strongly family and faith oriented. To have both parents walk with their daughter or with their son symbolises family unity and then the joining of two families - not just the bride and groom. The rest of the bride’s and groom’s families are expected to become a part of each other.

In regards to what usually happens at most of the weddings I’ve witnessed: Having done weddings at over 100+ parishes in 8 different states almost every weekend between mid-April and December for the past 10 years or so, very few have followed the Church’s guidelines for the processionals. In one way, I do find that a little sad because I think that the guidelines are actually very nice and do make sense. At the same time, you do see what the “local custom” is in various parishes and areas. In the U.S. it does seem that the Dad-Bride set up is customary for most. A former parish of mine did at one point try to mandate that the bride could not walk down the aisle with her father. The nun who ran it would inform the brides of the history of why father’s escorted their daughters, but the brides didn’t care about the history. To them, it wasn’t what it symbolised today. They wanted that last moment to be with their fathers (their number 1 man in their lives before their future husband became number 1). The problems with the brides and their families got so out of hand that the pastor eventually nixed making it an absolute mandate and to allow the “local custom”, giving them the option to use the suggested processional order for the Rite of Marriage, rather than mandating it. I don’t know if it is true across the board, but I imagine that other parishes have done the same and is also probably one of the reasons why the Church wisely allows for the “local customs”.

 

[JackieMom]

Go with what sits best for you. The Church allows for “local customs”, such as having the father walk the bride down the aisle, but if you want to do exactly what is suggested for the Rite of Marriage, then do that.

We had a mix of Western and Filipino cultural traditions during the mass/ceremony and the processional. I had my mother and father walk with me down the aisle when I married my husband, which tends to be the tradition now with most Filipino weddings I’ve attended and cantored. Filipino wedding traditions are known to be strongly family and faith oriented. To have both parents walk with their daughter or with their son symbolises family unity and then the joining of two families - not just the bride and groom. The rest of the bride’s and groom’s families are expected to become a part of each other.

In regards to what usually happens at most of the weddings I’ve witnessed: Having done weddings at over 100+ parishes in 8 different states almost every weekend between mid-April and December for the past 10 years or so, very few have followed the Church’s guidelines for the processionals. In one way, I do find that a little sad because I think that the guidelines are actually very nice and do make sense. At the same time, you do see what the “local custom” is in various parishes and areas. In the U.S. it does seem that the Dad-Bride set up is customary for most. A former parish of mine did at one point try to mandate that the bride could not walk down the aisle with her father. The nun who ran it would inform the brides of the history of why father’s escorted their daughters, but the brides didn’t care about the history. To them, it wasn’t what it symbolised today. They wanted that last moment to be with their fathers (their number 1 man in their lives before their future husband became number 1). The problems with the brides and their families got so out of hand that the pastor eventually nixed making it an absolute mandate and to allow the “local custom”, giving them the option to use the suggested processional order for the Rite of Marriage, rather than mandating it. I don’t know if it is true across the board, but I imagine that other parishes have done the same and is also probably one of the reasons why the Church wisely allows for the “local customs”.

My parish really tried to push it. They fell short of mandating it, but it was heavily encouraged. If they had mandated it, I would have gotten married in another parish. It was that important to me. I’ve been to about 20 weddings there over the years and have not seen one wedding where the bride was not escorted by her father or step-father, unless the bride’s dad was deceased. Even then, a grandfather or brother usually filled in. Aside from the sentimentality with Dad, most brides want their husbands to see them for the first time that day at the altar, not prior. There’s that whole thing where he looks down the aisle at his almost-wife, and she back at him, that’s kind of a classic wedding moment.

 

[pollynova]

I always thought it should be the groom who gets given away, after all, he is the one who leaves his family and cleaves to his wife.

 

[TraderTif]

I had no idea that was what the Rite calls for! We got married last year, and I was actually wondering if we could do that, since everything I’d seen had the Dad walking the bride down the aisle. (I love my Dad, and we’re real close, but neither one of us was attached to the idea, as far as I know.) I wanted to walk down the aisle with my husband, and I was happy that we could do it that way.

The priest mentioned that very few couples choose that option, so it must be pretty rare.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I always thought it should be the groom who gets given away, after all, he is the one who leaves his family and cleaves to his wife.

Now THAT would be a counter-cultural wedding procession!

 

[KCT]

When our dd married a few years ago, she and her fiance walked down the aisle together. Both sets of parents preceded them.

It was lovely.

She was worried that her dad would be hurt not walking her down the aisle, but he wasn’t. He just wanted whatever she wanted.

 

[acadiANNA]

The most important thing, and I admire you for it, is to go into Church, which is God’s house, and make that commitment to each other and to God, with family and friends to witness,asking God’s blessings upon your years of married life. It is the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony, so administered by a Holy Priest, ordained by God. While so many couples choose cohabitation, you are placing God first. May all your dreams come true.