Catholicism, love and depression. How is it suppose to work?

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mphill85

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I’m diagnosed with major depression. I find it hard to express any kind of positive behavior, especially love. It’s at a point that I tense up and somewhat cringe when I hear my wife tell me “I love you”. Worse is when I give her a half-hearted “Love you too” that is so soft I can barely hear myself. It’s the same with family members. Obviously this concerns me as a Catholic.

“The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”
Mark 12:31

How can I love others when I have trouble accepting love from them and from myself?
 
Your parish priest can direct you to a qualified psychological counselor. Seeking counseling does not show a lack of faith, as some will try to tell. It is a recognition of your vulnerability.
Depression is much more than the blues.
Diana Nyad wrote, “Exercise to exercise the demons in your life.” One of the books that I memorized was Jog, Run, Race by Joe Henderson. If you are still able to find a copy, it has a simple workout schedule developing a running program that begins with walking. I am no longer able to run. He writes about how running is often prescribed for depression. Running, and for me, swimming release endorphins and lift mood.
Journalling also proved helpful at a time when I was unable to express my emotions verbally. Counseling will help you develop communication skills, using “I” statements to express feelings. It will be challenging, not always accepted by others.
Definitely worth the effort.
What I did when I went to counseling, since the Cathedral was near my counselor’s office was pray before and/or after my appointment. It was not unusual for me to take advantage of the Sacrament of Reconciliation because of something that was revealed during counseling.
 
To love is to will the good of the other. You can will the good of your wife and family even if you aren’t ‘feeling’ it.

Further, what’s good for your wife and family includes for you to get healthy. You mention having been diagnosed with major depression; did the doctor who diagnosed you connect you with a potential counsellor or medical assistance? Is there a “next step” you could explore (or, when you have an energetic enough moment, ask your wife or a family member to help you explore? Maybe someone else can make the phone calls for you).

You can only do what you can do. You’re not responsible for what you can’t do. ‘Love’ looks different depending upon what our capacities are at the moment. Right now, ‘love’ might look like having patience with others, and with yourself, and gradually taking steps to try to get healthier, as opportunities come available.
 
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mphill85 said:
I’m diagnosed with major depression. I find it hard to express any kind of positive behavior, especially love. It’s at a point that I tense up and somewhat cringe when I hear my wife tell me “I love you”. Worse is when I give her a half-hearted “Love you too” that is so soft I can barely hear myself. It’s the same with family members. Obviously this concerns me as a Catholic.

“The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”
Mark 12:31

How can I love others when I have trouble accepting love from them and from myself?
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I currently find it hard…

Get help, or keep getting help. Depression will give you a lot of “can’t” messages. To believe what you know is the truth in spite of those false messages is exhausting. Learning to endure what you have to endure but to get yourself out of what you can get yourself out of is not something you ought to expect yourself to do alone. Even if you were a psychiatrist, you would be getting help if you were afflicted with depression. You wouldn’t be treating yourself. That’s because coping with depression in an effective way is not just about what you know you “ought to” do or feel.

In the meantime, just say “thank you” to God that your wife really does love you even though you don’t know how to accept that or return it. Then thank her, too. But promise her you will find all the help you have access to and that you will do whatever you can to fight this thing that is coming between the two of you and between you and feeling the happiness that God intends for you.
 
Psalm 34
18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

You will never look into the eyes of anyone who does not matter to God. Start by looking in the mirror, and the eyes you see matter to God.
 
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