Catolics are constantly JUDGEMENTAL!

[Student09]

After a couple of weeks I start to get involved in parish activities…only to be told that I’m not needed or made to feel obviously unwanted. (as in the coffee and doughnuts day). Or that I’m “too young” to join a knitting group, or a prayer group, although there was no stated age restriction. I should be up to me as I’m 25, whether or not I want to hang out with older adults. Again, I am grateful I found a parish that I can go to Mass at. But the constant rejection in parisonal activities is tough…

Why would they not want you because of your age?

 

[purplesunshine]

Why would they not want you because of your age?

In one instance I was told that despite no advertised age it was for seniors only.

In the other case I was told that young people don’t take knitting seriously enough and they wouldn’t teach me for free (I know several difficult stitches) and they wouldn’t put up with impertinence…yes they said impertinence!

So, I don’t know…I was a part of another knitting cirlce at the time but they started donating to united way and then got a united way grant so I stopped.

 

[butterflygirl12]

I am Catholic and I can tell you that I strive not to be this way and it also drives me nuts with holier than thou people. It makes all Catholics look like we are that way. I have disablity and I can tell you that God knows you are trying given your health issues. Just keep your eyes on him and he will help you find the right parish.

In Christ always/

 

[Student09]

In the other case I was told that young people don’t take knitting seriously enough and they wouldn’t teach me for free (I know several difficult stitches) and they wouldn’t put up with impertinence…yes they said impertinence!

That’s very odd, and distressing. I’m also a knitter, btw, and a few years younger than you - 21. Maybe if you showed up wearing all your handknit sweaters, socks and hats, then they’d let you in?

I think sometimes older people are actually very uncomfortable with teenagers/college-aged youth. I guess you’re a little older than college-aged, but you’re in that range still. Frankly, I can understand why one would be uncomfortable with us (by us, I mean the general age group - people are often indiscriminately lumped together by grouping, unfair as it is). Many of my peers take drugs, binge drink, use profanity constantly, dress like prostitutes (girls) or like Satan (boys - maybe this is just my college, but they seriously try to look like Satan!), are very disrespectful, are suicidal and/or angry at everybody. This is the image of youth that a lot of older people probably have. In spite of all this, of course we all deserve respect, and one would think that a young person who was interested in church activities and things like knitting would be warmly welcomed - but people aren’t perfect, and may let their discomfort get to them. Try to forgive them, and consciously try to help people be comfortable around you. That’s my two cents.

 

[maggiemay2u]

I am sorry you are having such a hard time finding a parish that you like. I know it can be frustrating to feel that you don’t belong or are not wanted. I also know it is hard to find a good spiritual advisor. I guess my biggest frustration is that I feel like they want to rush me through confession and instead of helping me make a good one. I too miss the old days when I felt like we were one big church family and that we truly loved each other in the spirit and love of Christ.

Hang in there and know that God knows your heart and he hears your prayers. Just keep believing that God will show you what to do.

God Bless
Chrisy

You might want to make an appointment, and pray for vocations, especially within your own family. I know lots of folks who pray for vocations, but are non-supportive when it’s something being considered by those close to home…

Too many sinners, too few priests mean they need to get through that line. I’m sure you’d feel awful if someone had to miss the Eucharist because you and your confessor were 20 minutes in the box…

 

[RubyT]

Sometimes, God leads us to places in order for us to teach and guide the people. Perhaps God wants to use you to show such unyielding people mercy and grace. Sit down at the coffee and doughnuts table and quote some scriptures on temperence and judiciousness. Ignore them that say you cannot sit there, sit down anyway. I am sure the merchants didn’t want Jesus disrupting the Temple. Hee Hee.

My prayers are with you.

 

[DOShea]

For instance, the ones that have been rude, are decent as far as Mass. I can attend Mass at that building. But they are NOT a parish. I will go to Mass, drop in my collection…but I won’t attend their “coffee and donuts” when each and every parishioner makes it clear I cannot sit at their table…or worse that I should “clear out” becuase they need the table. I’ve been to a couple of those. Its horrid.

Are you there to have a relationship with God or eat donuts? Frankly, I find it very hard to believe EVERY parishioner told you to move, but if that is so, then why don’t you decide to go have coffee down the street and at least maintain some kind of spiritual peace? Is the coffee in the parish hall THAT good? As an alternative, why don’t you wait a bit after Mass and be one of the last couple people greeting the priest after Mass and say something like, “Hi, Father, I was wondering if you could do something for me. I’m new here, I don’t know anyone, and I’m the shy type. I’d kind of like to go to the coffee & donuts and meet some or the parishioners. Would you introduce me to a couple folks so I don’t have to sit alone?” Or you could ask one of the ushers.

And a parish that I cannot attend Mass at…due to my atsma…can’t be my parish either. And I’m sick of fighting with priests…or having someone fight for me. Alot of priests are now using incense and trying to bring the old customs back per B16. Which is GREAT. It’s FABULOUS! I LOVE tradition. But it also costs me the ability to go to Mass. This is roughly 5 parishes of the 30 so far.

Asthmatics at my parish sit in the quiet room where none of the smoke of the incense can penetrate the glass. Have you looked into a parish that meets all your other needs and has a petitioned off quiet room?

 

[Robin]

It seems a little hypocritical to place every parish that you’ve been to into three distinct categories, and then call all of them judgmental. It also seems odd that you have been to over 30 parishes, and none of them will do things the way that you see fit.

I’m just some guy on the Internet, but it seems to me that this can’t all be about them.

Hey, some guy on the Internet Joe! You are a very perceptive fellow for being a new guy here. I got the same feeling you did. And being an old guy alone at a new parish, I know all about snubbing. But I also know about the young man who barely knows me and introduced his 2 beautiful little daughters to me this morning as we strolled into the vestibule this morning a few minutes before Mass started. Some people just beg to be misunderstood…and find some convoluted satisfaction in that. This seems a little over the top.
Robin
of the Wichita Hood.

 

[dashso40]

My goodness, you are filled with anger and resentment. Just go to church, don’t join the extracurricular activities…Go to church to be with Jesus…not other people…

 

[SkinnyJay]

Perhaps God is calling you to Him first.

Ultimately it is the relationship you have with the Father that will save you, not the relationships with others. The relationships forged horizontally, with each other, and vertically, with God, are inseparably linked and play off each other but you may be looking at this with the wrong priorities.

Build your relationship with God first and then you will find that your relationships with others with become more fruitful. Instead of looking for the perfect group of friends or fellow parishioners to build a relationship with God switch it around and build a relationship with God and, if it’s His will, God will put the perfect group of friends or fellow parishioners in your path.

 

[dashso40]

My goodness, you are filled with anger and resentment. Just go to church, don’t join the extracurricular activities…Go to church to be with Jesus…not other people…

I’m sorry, I wrote that when I was tired and at work… I’m just saying maybe this is not the time to join activities, just enjoy being with God

 

[mangy_dog]

I’m a catholic. I’ve technically been my whole life, though I spent my formative years in a church that tried to break from Rome.

Last week, I could not attend mass due to a medical condition (asthma) and that it fell on a Holy Day the church used incense…no priest was willing to make accommodations. I went to two very liberal, very secularized parishes only to find that they, too, were using it. Fine, I get it. I made a great effort (and was assisted) to try to attend several masses with no avail.

And people still try to tell me I didn’t make enough effort.

This weekend was a disaster of all time. I headed to a 4:30 mass only to find that the priest was ill and there was no mass at that parish. I went to a 5pm mass only to get there at the closing song…despite both the Internet and the bulletin the parish decided NOT to observe daylight savings time. So I missed mass yet again. Today I got up and decided to go to mass at the parish with perpetual adoration. I planned to be wicked early and stop by adoration. I got there at ten after only to find out that Mass was at 10am not 10:30. So, I had a choice…stay or jump and my car and speed two towns over where they have and 11, wait until 5 and go to the Spanish Mass, or go in…I could hear them start up the Gospel Alleluia so I decided to stay. I was there for the FULL Gospel.

At communion time this guy reaches over and says “You were late, you shouldn’t receive”. NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!! I was there before the gospel, anyway, and this guy knew it.

After word, I went to the Adoration chapel and sat for a while 10 or 15 minutes. Then I REALLY wanted to hear the “Litany of Saints” which I have on my cheepie MP3 player. So I get the thing on and its QUIET…I can barley hear it…and this old lady taps me on the shoulder and tells me, “Young lady this is time for SILENT Adoration, not to be listening to pop music!”

I’m frustrated beyond belief.

The only decent parish I know is 1 hour away and I just can’t afford the drive every week.

Don’t take these incidents as “catholics being nosey”. Instead see them for what they really are…Lucifer’s attempt at disipating your inner peace and your devotion.

Catholics tend to be denouncers not judgemental. I promise you this is more accurate.

Coat yourself in peace and tranquility. There is a possibility that the demon will re-double his efforts but, there’s an even greater chance that he will cease and desist.

Pax Domini sit semper vobiscum.

 

[Lifeisawesome]

It seems a little hypocritical to place every parish that you’ve been to into three distinct categories, and then call all of them judgemental. It also seems odd that you have been to over 30 parishes, and none of them will do things the way that you see fit.

I’m just some guy on the Internet, but it seems to me that this can’t all be about them.

Aside from that - isn’t the assertion that “Catholics are constantly JUDGEMENTAL!!!” a bit, well, judgmental?

 

[yoopersenior]

There are always two sides to every story. And somewhere in the middle is the truth.

Sometimes, we need to take a good hard look at ourselves and ask: is the focus always on what I want? Do I display behavior that pushes people away? Do I make an attempt to reach out to others? Do I make excuses for myself? Do I focus constantly on the negative?Do I offer my sufferings and aloneness up to Jesus? Or do I choose to be a professional victim? Can I stop thinking about myself and think only of Jesus and my love for Him?

I have to go back to the prayer of St. Francis to always remind myself that it’s not all about me.

 

[JReducation]

There are several important points in the OP that have not been addressed.

1. If the person is asthmatic or has COPD, then medically speaking the person has a health impairment or disabilitiy. In that case, it is not unreasonable for the person to have to miss mass when there is a trigger present such as incense. I would not be too worried about it or feel that I’m being excluded. Many people cannot tolerate incense: young children, seniors and people with respiratory disabilities. God is not going to be upset because you can’t attend a mass with incesne.
2. If you’re a younger person and you’re wearing an iPod or some other device in the adoration chapel, it is not unreasonable for the older person to believe that you’re listening to music. That is more common among younger people than listening to the litany of saints. The situation can easily be dealt with by telling the truth. “I’m not listening to rock music, I’m listening to the litany of saints. Would you like to listen?” To focus on the tap on the shoulder and the comment is to make too much of it at one’s own expense.
3. Priests do get sick at the last minute and when that happens there is no one to cover the mass, because everyone is already committed and the mass has to be canceld. That too is a part of life.
4. A confusion in the schedule because there was a change in the time, is not a common one, but it can happen. It’s not something to feel that one is being targetted by the enemy. It’s a human occurrence that has no moral weight one way or the other. We just let it go.
5. The fact that we go to a parish for mass and then no one speaks to us at the fellowship after the mass can be due to many things. Sometimes people are less than friendly. Other times, people are not comfortable with younger folk. This happens a lot and not just in parishes. Older people often stereotype youth. Just watch a police officer in action when he stops a group of kids walking down the street. Some are downright mean and rude. I mean the officer. Many people are terrified of younger people. You win them over by making your presence felt. Volunteering is a great way to break the ice and get past the stereotype.
6. The fact that the rublrics are not followed correctly or they are not followed the way that I think should be, in either case, the mass is the mass and it has its spiritual and sacramental value. That cannot be taken away by a red vestment and green stole, which I believe is a silly thing to wear. But if that’s the worse sin that a priest commits, thank God.
7. The one statement about natural family planning: if I understood it correctly, it was being presented as an alternative to artificial birth control. If that’s the case, then it is correct.
8. If we look above at the list, we may want to reflect on whether or not we’re making too much out of things that are part of life. When you group them all together they may seem insurmountable. But if you look at each one individually, they are really very human experiences and have very human solutions. I would not be so quick to jump and say that the enemy is out to get someone with the above experiences. My training in theology would tell me that it is natural to become discouraged, if we take several or many experiences that we perceive as negative and think aboiut them all as a collective. In that case, the fault of feeling disappointed and frustrated is not the enemy’s, it’s our own.

Life is going to have many inconveiences, disappointments, negative people, undesireable events, inappropriate behaviors, but that’s the tension of human existence. Without that tension, we cannot achieve sanctity. Sanctity is the conscious and free choice to find the good in the tension and to opt for that good. That’s why we call sanctity heroic.

Fraternally,

Br. JR, OSF