Celibacy

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Lorrie

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After thinking about this for a long time I’ve decided that I want to remain celibate until I marry. My boyfriend and I have been sexually active with one another in the past and now the relationship seems to be ending because he doesn’t want to partake in this. I can’t continue to consciously sin against God, I’ve explained this to him. He’s a christian (Lutheran), but says that he doesn’t want to give up sex with me. I’ve stood firm on the subject.

I’ve told him that we aren’t supposed to behave like christians only on the sabbath, its supposed to be every day in between too. I love him and he claims to love me too, but I can’t help but think that he doesn’t since he is more than willing to end things over this. I’ve told him this isn’t going to be easy for me either, but its the right thing to do. Its as if it isn’t an option for him, even remotely.

If you guys were in this situation how would you feel? What would you do? Would you be questioning the love factor on his part as well?

Side note: I mentioned that I want to wait until I’m married, my boyfriend and I haven’t really discussed marriage in detail so its not like we’re engaged or anything (meaning he wouldn’t have too long to wait, etc.)
 
Well, he just ended things with me. A huge part of me wanted to give in and just say, “Nevermind”, but I stood my ground. I feel so heartbroken, but I know what I did was right.
 
Amen Lorrie!

In the future, you would have had problems if he wanted to continue with a sexual relationship. A good Christian guy shouldn’t be like that. Shame on him, and bless you for doing what is right.

Love in a Christian sense is giving up yourself for another. And since God is love, then of course things that love does is Godly. Jesus loved us so much, that He died for us.

1 John 4:8
"Whoever does not love does not know God, for God is love."

John 15:13
"No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends."

Songs 8:6-7
"Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm; for love is strong as death, passion fierce as the grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire, a raging flame.
Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it. If one offered for love all the wealth of his house, it would be utterly scorned."

You deserve a hug, and I hope that your next boyfriend will be the one that God truly desires (and you truly desire) to have!

HUGGLES
 
My wife and I were just reading your post Lorrie and we’re so proud of you we want to adopt you. And who knows, you may have started a little healthy guilt in him that will pay off for him in the future. You certainly took the first step towards finding the right guy for you.
 
Lorrie, I am sorry to hear of your difficulties and of the loss of your boyfriend. Losing a relationship is hard and it can really hurt.

But perhaps the sex thing was just one indication of a substantial difference in values between you and him. You prize your relationship with God, and the understanding of His Will that is taught in the Church (including the Lutheran Church). He did not seem to place value on it, and is more conformed to modern culture.

This difference in values may have surfaced again and again in different ways had your relationship continued. It might have been a regular source of tension. I know it was in my ex-marriage.

May God bless you, and His angels support you. I think you did the right thing.
 
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Lorrie:
Well, he just ended things with me. A huge part of me wanted to give in and just say, “Nevermind”, but I stood my ground. I feel so heartbroken, but I know what I did was right.
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You did the right thing by sticking to you guns on this one! It is clear that he didn’t have the best intentions for you and your relationship with him. You will find a man who will more than respect your wished when it comes to preserving your chasity until marriage, I am very sure he will love you even more for being strong. You will be in my prayers!
 
Lorie:

**Great job! Now, it’s time for the healing. You need to go to confession. It is obvious this had more than just one sin involved. There is the sin of sex before marriage and the sin of contraception. Don’t be afraid to empty out your concious in confession. You may be tempted to chicken out, try not to and pray for help. Priests are used to these types of sins, so don’t feel like it’s the end of the world. You should read about how to confess properly first. **

After confession then you’d have to think about and deal with the emotional or psychological aspect. Sometimes these things can affect people emotionally and psychologically. Just give sometime for healing and if possible talk to someone you can trust. Also, it sounds like it happened a lot of times. I’m also concerned that this guy seems he has a sexual addiction. I hope you don’t have that too, but if you do don’t be afraid to get help. Pray for him too, and ask the Blessed Mother for help and guidance too. You’re in my prayers. Remember that you can’t change the past, but you can make the future better. With the grace of God you’ll get back on your feet and this won’t happen again.

**You’re doing great! Be proud of that! **

:blessyou:
 
The best advice I came across for couples indulging in pre-marital sex was to make a commitment to quit for 12 months. If a couple is still together after that time it is love, if not it was just about sex for one or both of them.

I know 12 months seems a very long time, but so is a lifetime of celibacy if a marriage doesn’t work out and one partner walks out…
 
I’m SO proud of you!!!

Sadly, your boyfriend didn’t really love you because if he did he would NEVER ask you to sin, especially for his own gratification. He may have lusted after you, but he didn’t truly love you. Sometimes young people can confuse strong emotions with love. They don’t realize that love is always and primarily an ACTION and only sometimes a feeling. It sounds like your boyfriend had that confusion.

Lots of girls wouldn’t have had the courage to do what you did. You can be very proud of yourself and know that God is proud of you as well!!

In Christ,
Nancy 🙂
 
everybody remains celibate before marriage–the word means “unmarried”. Everyone should also remain continent before marriage, that is, should not engage in any form of sexual expression. That is because everyone, married and unmarried, is called to chastity for one’s state in life. That means respect for the human body and use of the sexual gifts only for their intended purpose: the unitive and procreative aspects of marriage. The unity and bond of sexual activity is intended for marriage, so is a desecration and a sin outside of marriage, and as you are experiencing the rupture of that bond, when it is attempted outside marriage, is devastating.

It is nearly impossible to remain chaste and faithful within marriage–using sexuality for its intended purpose, open to life and intensifying the marriage bond–if one has not been chaste outside marriage. To give oneself a chance at success in a future relationship, someone who has unfortunately attempted sexual intimacy outside marriage should confess the sin, repent, make a pledge of secondary chastity and begin living a chaste life henceforth, so they may learn and practice continence. Continence (abstinence from sex) is also required within marriage from time to time–one party is gone because of work, military service etc., or pregnancy is a health risk, illness, etc.
 
Ooops… Forgot to mention that this isn’t celibacy, it’s chastity. Celibacy is for priests, bishops, deacons, and religious in which they can’t date or marry at all. However, we are to remain chaste (abstain from sex) until marriage. Married couples are to leave the possibility of life open, which means no contraceptives and use Natural Family Planning only when needed.
 
I was going to write something like y’all did about celibacy being “not married” so I went to the dictionary and found this:

**Main Entry: cel·i·ba·cy
**1 : the state of not being married
2 a : abstention from sexual intercourse b : abstention by vow from marriage

So I guess it can mean either not married OR abstaining from sex.

In Christ,
Nancy 🙂
 
Roman_Army said:
Ooops… Forgot to mention that this isn’t celibacy, it’s chastity. Celibacy is for priests, bishops, deacons, and religious in which they can’t date or marry at all. However, we are to remain chaste (abstain from sex) until marriage. Married couples are to leave the possibility of life open, which means no contraceptives and use Natural Family Planning only when needed.
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Actually for Priests, Seminarians, and all Religious it would be “Chaste Celibacy” Whereas we (I’m a seminarian) are required to not only abstain from ALL pleasures of the flesh, but also forsake all exclusive relationships. The reason I say “exclusive” relationships is because one can have a girlfriend or a boyfriend and still remain Celibate. It seems sometime that people often use the words Celibacy and Chastity interchangably, which can often be misleading. God Bless!!
 
Roman_Army said:
Lorie:

**Great job! Now, it’s time for the healing. You need to go to confession. It is obvious this had more than just one sin involved. There is the sin of sex before marriage and the sin of contraception. Don’t be afraid to empty out your concious in confession. You may be tempted to chicken out, try not to and pray for help. Priests are used to these types of sins, so don’t feel like it’s the end of the world. You should read about how to confess properly first. **
Click to expand...

I’ve already done confession and have had no problem confessing before. I actually have two confessors, one of which is my spiritual director. You are assuming I used contraception, but I can’t have children so that wasn’t an issue.

Anyway, thanks for all the replies you guys, your advice and support is encouraging.
 
Lorrie!!!

You may be reeling now, but what you’ve done is pleasing to Him. May all of the virtues you need be strenghened by God as you live a chaste life.

Check the theology of the body of our late pope done by Christopher West. You will see with more clarity how good for you this decision you made.

in XT.
 
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