Changing parishes due to language barrier

[Texas2014]

Hello all,

I have a little issue that has been bothering me for quite some time. I belong to a Vietnamese Catholic Church that is 30 mins from hometown. I was baptized and confirmed there. However, there is another parish that is literally 5 mins away from my home. To put it short, I simply do not like attending my Vietnamese parish. I don’t understand anything and I am forced to read ahead on the gospel and reflections because the priest has his homilies in Vietnamese. I don’t like to attend that parish because I feel like an outsider despite being Vietnamese. I don’t speak the language well as English is my native tongue. However, my parents insist that I go. I don’t want to sound rude to them but I am 22 years old and fresh out of college. I absolutely LOVE going to the local parish that is 5 mins from my home because I can actually UNDERSTAND everything. I feel a deeper connection with God and I simply just love going to Mass there. Whenever I attend the Vietnamese Church with my parents, I just loathe it because I am sitting there during Mass without a clue to what they are saying. I also feel like my parents are acting “selfish” because everytime they ask me why I like to go to the local parish better, they basically dismiss me and tune me out and reply: “The vietnamese church is better.” It’s not like my parents do not speak english…we speak it on a daily basis at home… I’m quite frustrated because I just want to go to Mass where I can understand everything. When I can understand what is being said, I feel that my soul is integrated with Christ and I just love it.

I want to change parishes but I just don’t know how to go about it anymore. I would appreciate any advice. Thank you

 

[Marysann]

It seems to me that you have the choice of either parish. As a member of the Vietnamese ethic group you have the option of attending the ethnic parish. You are not forced to belong, however, the Church just gives you the opportunity to attend such a parish if you choose it. You certainly have the option of attending your local parish, too. If I am mistaken in this, I hope one of the priests on this forum will correct me. The real problem is with your parents. They seem to be afraid of your assimilating into the American culture, leaving your Vietnamese heritage behind. If you can show your parents your respect for your cultural heritage some other way, they may get off your case about which parish you attend,

 

[getysbg]

I had to make a parish change years ago because of a language problem. Both parochial vicars were of Indian birth and I could not understand them. The accent was just too thick. In your case you don’t know the language well enough so clearly the Vietnamese Church is not better for you,

The problem is that it will cause a rift between you and your parents for a while. That is something that no one can solve for you. Prayers are with you. Perhaps surprising them with a visit at church would be a way of expressing your love for them.

 

[Book_Worm]

It is very likely that the Vietnamese church is one of the last links your parents have to their land of birth, their early life. They must feel very comfortable there and close to their culture. When you prefer an English-language church, it seems to them that you are rejecting your heritage and, therefore, to some extent, them.

It is very commendable that you are so committed to growing your own faith by attending a Mass that feeds and nourishes it, but please try to work out a compromise with your parents. Explain to them that you do recognize all that the Vietnamese church offers and how important it is to them and your culture, but that you want to strengthen the faith that THEY gave you by also attending the Mass that is important to you. As you begin to live your own adult life, you can gradually decrease the number of times you attend Mass in their parish.

 

[Xantippe]

Showing up once a month at the Vietnamese parish and going to your local church the rest of the time might be a good compromise.

Your parents probably aren’t going to like it, but once a month is quite reasonable in your situation.

 

[ProVobis]

It’s not like my parents do not speak english…we speak it on a daily basis at home…

This may be but in my experience (my first language is Polish btw) many foreign-born people very much struggle with English and its pronunciations (among other things) that they naturally gravitate towards their more familiar vernacular and culture. Some also fear that unless it’s attended it will be discontinued altogether, a fear that we can all agree is not totally unfounded. My only advice is that if you choose not to attend with them, find some other way of supporting that Vietnamese Mass.

 

[Xantippe]

This may be but in my experience (my first language is Polish btw) many foreign-born people very much struggle with English and its pronunciations (among other things) that they naturally gravitate towards their more familiar vernacular and culture. Some also fear that unless that’s attended it will be discontinued altogether, a fear that we can all agree is not totally unfounded.

Yes.

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

This is not so much an issue of the Church as an issue in relating to your parents. Many people are more comfortable praying in their native language even if they speak another language fluently, so I can understand why they like the Vietnamese church as well as why you prefer a different one. Each of you going to the one you prefer sounds reasonable with the compromise suggested above, that you go with them once a month (and perhaps they could come to your preferred parish once a month as well).

The whole thing will become moot once you’re out on your own,

 

[AtDawn]

Showing up once a month at the Vietnamese parish and going to your local church the rest of the time might be a good compromise.

Your parents probably aren’t going to like it, but once a month is quite reasonable in your situation.

Sounds like a good idea, if you (OP) think that once a month to keep your parents happy is OK with you.

The tries to keep you in their church doesn’t have to have anything to do with religion or the parish per se. Maybe they hope that if you go there, it will improve your Vietnamese? Many immigrant parents are unhappy about their kids not learning or using their first language. It’s a little late for that now, though. I mean, to late for them to have much influence. You are a grownup and you study whatever language you choose, but it Vietnamese, Bosnian or French… or none.

 

[ProVobis]

You are a grownup and you study whatever language you choose, but it Vietnamese, Bosnian or French… or none.

It’s probably more necessity than choice. Many learn enough English just to get by in their business or class or whatever. They may not like it enough to go study Shakespeare, for example.

Just sayin from what I learned as a computer programmer who studied various ways to write and read programs for 35 years. Each language has a purpose, perhaps different.

 

[AtDawn]

ProVobis, in context I am not sure I understand what you are saying. Several people here have assumed that the original poster’s (OP’s) parents are very bad at English. He has said they are not. I am not talking about them learning English. I am saying that maybe they are trying to keep their boy in the Vietnamese congregation to make him practice his language skills.

OTOH (and maybe that is what you want to point out?) maybe their English is good enough for many walks of life, but they don’t speak Catholic English? so maybe they would have to do their homework before service, if they went to the English service, to really understand the homily. I doubt that would be an option, though. They will probably stay in the Vietnamese one, for social reasons if nothing else.

 

[ProVobis]

OTOH (and maybe that is what you want to point out?) maybe their English is good enough for many walks of life, but they don’t speak Catholic English?

Or Anglican English, for that matter. Yes, that’s pretty much the gist of what I was saying.

Or maybe they just don’t like the tone, the culture, or the arrogance. Could be a lot of reasons actually, but as I’ve stated before I think it’s more just to keep the VN culture alive. That’s understandable IMO.