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johngh
Guest
Oh snap. Amen to that.
- Status
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Liberanosamalo
Guest
A man can get bored with someone he sleeps with. I’ve seen it happen too many times. And you’re asking the wrong question. Why are YOU the only one responsible for keeping things interesting? He should be trying to interest you too.
You don’t need to bring the topic up. The topic eventually brings itself up. At the point he wants to express affection because he realizes he finds you interesting and attractive. If you bring it up too soon, you risk turning off someone from a real relationship before he even knows he might want a real relationship with you. Might as well wear a sandwich board in public saying “I don’t put out.”
If a couple only has that in common interest, what will they do if they marry and sex is out of the picture for a while due to jobs, timing or illness?
Dating is a time to weed out those who cannot live the way you need to.
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lifeisbeautiful
Guest
I think something that would be good to keep in mind is that you shouldn’t really want to create a physical bond that way with a guy you are dating, you are trying to see if he is the one to marry… a bond will only hinder the process. I agree with those suggesting to look for a guy that actually wants chastity, and there are guys like that out there, or is at least open to learning why premarital sex isn’t ok (maybe he grew up in a Catholic family that didn’t really practice) as chastity is not just “not having sex”. Kisses can be unchaste, as many other forms of affection that are not appropriate for unmarried couples. If a guy doesn’t understand why one should be chaste, he might expect some sort of “compromise” to include other unchaste behavior, which would still be harmful to your souls.
You do not need to come up with a substitute for something that should never be in an unmarried relationship, much less one where you are compromising your faith. You can help him see why it shouldn’t be part of your relationship. If he doesn’t want to live that way you can try to find guys that actually do. I know its tough dating in this world where “society” has such wrong ideas of what dating should be. I wish you the best!!!
You do not need to come up with a substitute for something that should never be in an unmarried relationship, much less one where you are compromising your faith. You can help him see why it shouldn’t be part of your relationship. If he doesn’t want to live that way you can try to find guys that actually do. I know its tough dating in this world where “society” has such wrong ideas of what dating should be. I wish you the best!!!
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AdriannaJean
Guest
Just thought I would give you all an update. I told him about the chastity thing and he’s fine with it 
! He said that sex isn’t what’s important to him. And, to the woman who was considering giving up chastity so she can find someone to date, don’t sweat it! There are men out there who are totally fine with it. The last 3 I’ve dated have been. You just need to start looking in other places.
! He said that sex isn’t what’s important to him. And, to the woman who was considering giving up chastity so she can find someone to date, don’t sweat it! There are men out there who are totally fine with it. The last 3 I’ve dated have been. You just need to start looking in other places.
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StillWondering
Guest
I’m thinking if God is calling you to the marriage vocation, maybe even maternity and paternity, there may be that special someone he is *saving *for you. In prayer, let His plans direct your life.I have a suspician that the last guy that left me did so because he finally realized he wasn’t going to get any which was the truth but for some reason guys still try and persuade you even when you’ve been clear with them where you stand. Being as emotional as I am I can’t imagine going astray and them dealing with that too if the relationship broke up. It’s important to remember that GOD makes these rules to protect us from ourselves and not impinge on our free will. I have yet to find a guy that will accept a chaste relationship. I think society as a whole is responsible and not anyone person but honestly I’ve given up on dating for awhile and don’t intend to look anymore. I assume all the great guys are already married or have too much baggage to ever commit. After meeting then breaking up with and endless stream of commitment phobics I’m burned out and don’t care anymore.
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CatQuilt
Guest
That’s great! I’m happy for you…Just thought I would give you all an update. I told him about the chastity thing and he’s fine with it
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Sierrah
Guest
If he is he’s got a funny way of going about it. I guess I’m just a little annoyed because I might have to run into my last exBF this weekend but who knows. I tell you his sense of humor is strange. The same day I broke up with my last ex I ran into two others the same day right before.
No breaks for me I guess. 
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Lutheranteach
Guest
Ah yes. Women marry and/or date men thinking they can or will change. Men date and/or marry women hoping that the woman remains the same forever. Quite the Catch-22
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StillWondering
Guest
God could be saying anything or it could be just how things work out. What if God is saying don’t worry about it, guys are everywhere; worry instead about the right guy. For some women that is Jesus Christ.
If he is he’s got a funny way of going about it. I guess I’m just a little annoyed because I might have to run into my last exBF this weekend but who knows. I tell you his sense of humor is strange. The same day I broke up with my last ex I ran into two others the same day right before.
Hehe.
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whatevergirl
Guest
*I dated quite a few men in college, many who were not chaste. Those ‘‘relationships’’ didn’t last long. When I met my husband, he had been with women before me (I was a virgin when I married him) yet he was committed to living a chaste life a few years prior to meeting me. HE decided that…THEN we met. I say it like that because I believe like all things, a person has to decide for him/herself if he/she is going to wait for marriage, to have sex. Just because someone wasn’t chaste prior to meeting you, doesn’t mean he can’t make it happen NOW. But, HE has to decide that. If the relationship dictates that, it CAN be frustrating for a person who wants to do unchaste things, but not impossible.
That said, you can’t ‘‘keep’’ someone. Remember that old saying, if you love someone, you’ll let them go, if they come back, then it was meant to be. I interpret that in your case to mean…BE YOURSELF. If you find yourself getting into compromising situations a lot with this guy, or having to have the same tired discussions over and over again about how you are waiting for marriage…DON’T KEEP HIM. LOL Let him go. You both need to be committed to it, in other words, not just you. If this man walks away from you because you were not exciting enough…or if he felt that he couldn’t commit to chastity like you–then let him walk. YOU and the time you spend together should be what matters…not concerning yourself over how to be interesting to this man, because he ‘‘might’’ be thinking about sex.
Purity is a commitment, not an idea, or fleeting thought. It’s a commitment. You are committed to that–I hope he decides to be too. For the right reasons, not just so he doesn’t lose you…but for his own sake…his own soul.*
That said, you can’t ‘‘keep’’ someone. Remember that old saying, if you love someone, you’ll let them go, if they come back, then it was meant to be. I interpret that in your case to mean…BE YOURSELF. If you find yourself getting into compromising situations a lot with this guy, or having to have the same tired discussions over and over again about how you are waiting for marriage…DON’T KEEP HIM. LOL Let him go. You both need to be committed to it, in other words, not just you. If this man walks away from you because you were not exciting enough…or if he felt that he couldn’t commit to chastity like you–then let him walk. YOU and the time you spend together should be what matters…not concerning yourself over how to be interesting to this man, because he ‘‘might’’ be thinking about sex.
Purity is a commitment, not an idea, or fleeting thought. It’s a commitment. You are committed to that–I hope he decides to be too. For the right reasons, not just so he doesn’t lose you…but for his own sake…his own soul.
*
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whatevergirl
Guest
haha I never looked at it quite like that. :ehh:
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Rascalking
Guest
Well, this comment was funny, but kind of mean. If I said something that offensive about women, would that be okay? (Your dinner quote made me laugh though!)Good luck! I don’t know ONE man who is devoted to chasity. I’ve been on dates, and men will practically jump into bed on the first date (these are Catholics, btw). One said, “I bought you dinner, now it’s your turn to repay the favor”. The food wasn’t THAT good. So it’s almost compromise time for CountrySinger, unless I want to be single for the rest of my life.
I’m now 30, single, and I know there is hope.
OP-Don’t give up on him, tell him your Chastity rules, and hopefully he’ll be okay with them. Give him a chance!
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CountrySinger
Guest
I meant to say that the men I went on dates with, want to have sex right away. I guess it should be a compliment if they want to right away, I guess.
I’m moving out of Salem to Seattle soon, so my dating pool with increase.
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anna1978
Guest
OP: You’ve got to be completely honest with him, as soon as this is getting to ‘relationship stage’, possibly BEFORE! When I was a teenager, a boy in my class was ‘interested’ in me. We were about 16, and I knew he would ‘expect more’ than just a kiss (he had a reputation), I remember sitting in the library doing homework with him and when the topic came to relationships I said very bluntly (It’s the Dutch way!): ‘Well, I’m not going to sleep with any man until I marry, once you start that with a guy, he won’t see the point of marrying anyway!’ He grinned and said I wasn’t the kind of girl he was after then, but also ‘Thanks for telling me that, you’ll find a man who feels the same one day!’. He respected it and decided, he wanted an ‘easier’ girlfriend…I moved away, left Holland, met my husband in 1999 in Britain-both of us 28, both of us virgins and we waited until after our wedding until we became intimate (and we’re glad we did! We talked so much those first 16 months, we REALLY got to know eachother in a way ‘just sex’ could never have achieved!), and in 2006 there was a school-reunion: my best friend went and saw this boy, Rueben and when she said ‘She really did wait you know, she even met a guy who was a commited Catholic himself and now they have 2 children’, and I got an e-mail off him ‘I’m glad you told me and stood by your principles, because you were right, and I was wrong’. He did get married in his 20s, but got divorced after a few years, had a few live-in girlfriends…and in his 30s was starting to see my point! You can’t ‘play’ at relationships, you can’t ‘sell yourself’ too cheaply, and you’ve ALWAYS got to stick with what you believe in! So, be honest and if he’s worth it, he’ll agree, if not…someone else WILL come along!
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StillWondering
Guest
I do not think men wanting to have sex right away is a compliment. Depending on their state of mind and what they value is a lady often determines their interest in sex before they met any particular girl. Generalization true, but if you look at a large group of guys, some want sex right away with a okay looking girl some don’t. Those same guys will want or don’t want sex right away with a whole range of other girls prettier and not as pretty as the first girl in question imo.I meant to say that the men I went on dates with, want to have sex right away. I guess it should be a compliment if they want to right away, I guess.
I do admit some girls are amazingly attractive and maybe you are one of those girls. But I would hit myself over the head if I see any amazing looking girl and think, “sex, yum” before finding out at least half of her life experience and what she cares about.
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Sierrah
Guest
I think it comes down to this…if the person respects you they will respect what you believe regardless of how they feel. If not then they are not worth the time.
- Status