Chastity and charity

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fons_vitae

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My confessor noted that I was too concerned about chastity while being not concerned enough about sins against charity. Unfortunately, he didn’t give me any concrete advice for how to reorient myself. 😦 Any suggestions?
 
I suppose sins against chastity are those which fall into the categories of lust, masturbation, adultery, and fornication. On the other hand, sins against charity involve telling others how bad they are for engaging in lust, masturbation, adultery, and fornication. Perhaps Fr. meant that you are too focused and worried about your own chastity that you vent it on others by getting angry at them. He could also have meant that you just have to become perfect, and perfect charity is perfection; it might not even have been a statement about you at all, but a general exhortation. There’s no way anyone of us could know!
 
I think what he might have meant (and this is, clearly, just a guess) is perhaps stop worrying so much about the chastity thing and be nicer to people?

Again, not trying to insult you-it’s just a guess with what he said.
 
Perhaps what your priest was trying to say is that though chastity is something very noble for which to strive, merely aiming for chastity (apart from love) is rather like “putting the cart before the horse,” and doomed for failure. This is because the sexual impulse in human beings is the strongest drive that there is, and without true love, is very, very difficult to resist.

When we lust or commit any kind of impure act with another (sins against chastity), we are actually devaluing ourselves and the other person. We are in effect treating ourselves in such a way that is unworthy of the purpose for which we were made–in other words we are failing to love ourselves as God loves us; and we are treating the other as an object for personal gratification, in a word, failing to truly love that person as someone made in God’s image, and as such, worthy of honor, dignity and even a kind of awe.

Contrarily, if we focus on seeing others as God sees them, and we truly love them as He does, we will value them supremely and chastity will be the fruit, it will be the result of seeing others through eyes that truly love.

Romans 13:10 “Love does no harm to its neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.”

Peace to you
 
My suggestion? Don’t listen to your confessor. You should be concerned about chastity if that is your weakness. Chastity is love. You love your husband, your wife, (or your future husband and wife) and your children. And you love God. And that’s what matters

chastityislove.blogspot.com/

Confessor is also human, you know, they can make mistakes. I went to a confessor once who said pornography is not adultery, thus not a sin.
 
Once my confessor made a connection between chastity and charity as well. It was simple and straightforward. Hit me like a thunderbolt. He explained that to overcome my problems with chastity I should increase my focus on charity because sins against chastity are by nature selfish. They orient one’s thoughts and actions on the self. While charity is other-oriented. When you act charitably towards others you are concerning yourself with them and freeing yourself of this selfish behavior that is taking form in sins against chastity.

Also, sins of impurity tend to give the sinner a “high” of sorts. Sins of this nature quickly become addictive habits. And one way to help overcome such an addiction to sin is to replace the “high” you get from this sin with the “high” one gets from helping and caring for others. This is a wholesome feeling that can increase one’s drive towards holiness (provided pride does not get in the way at some point).

I would not disregard what your confessor said, as some have suggested. Not only does his advice seem sound to me, but the confessor acts in persona Christi and therefore you should respect and abide by any advice he gives you, especially the penances he imposes (unless they are clearly heretical, which being charitable is obviously not).

As for suggestions on how to be more charitable? The sky’s the limit. You can pray for others you know (or people on the forums in the prayer requests section), you can volunteer at a homeless shelter or soup kitchen, you can donate goods or money to an organization that will use them to help the less fortunate, you can volunteer at your local church in a variety of ways, etc. I suggest looking up the spiritual and corporal works of mercy and after reading through those and meditating on them for a while I’m sure you will find a proper course.
 
The corporal works of mercy:
Code: 
To feed the hungry;
To give drink to the thirsty;
To clothe the naked;
To harbor the harborless;
To visit the sick;
To ransom the captive;
To bury the dead.
The spiritual works of mercy:
Code: 
To instruct the ignorant;
To counsel the doubtful;
To admonish sinners;
To bear wrongs patiently;
To forgive offenses willingly;
To comfort the afflicted;
To pray for the living and the dead.
All are excellent ways to act charitably.
 
fons_vitae said:
My confessor noted that I was too concerned about chastity while being not concerned enough about sins against charity. Unfortunately, he didn’t give me any concrete advice for how to reorient myself. 😦 Any suggestions?
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make positive efforts to foster charitable attitudes and do acts of charity. If one is pure of heart and adopts the beatitudes as a guide one cannot engage in sexual sin (even solitary sin) because it hurts others and is based in self gratification, which is the opposite of the beatitudes.
 
jtodisco said:
As for suggestions on how to be more charitable? The sky’s the limit. You can pray for others you know (or people on the forums in the prayer requests section), you can volunteer at a homeless shelter or soup kitchen, you can donate goods or money to an organization that will use them to help the less fortunate, you can volunteer at your local church in a variety of ways, etc. I suggest looking up the spiritual and corporal works of mercy and after reading through those and meditating on them for a while I’m sure you will find a proper course.
Click to expand...
Herein lies the rub. I fall into “paralysis of analysis” at this point over what to do and how to do it. I actually do some spiritual works of mercy, but I think my pride would like me to have something more physical to show for my efforts. I’ve tried volunteering at a local homeless shelter, but they actually forgot about me after a while XD… and when I attempted to get involved our local St. Vincent de Paul chapter, I discovered that they only met on the very night and time I couldn’t go. Anyway, at least I’m helping teach ESL at the library now… that’s something. Maybe I should just accept this opportunity and not be so disparate in my search for corporal works of mercy?
 
Almsgiving is also charity. Praying for the conversion of sinners is charity. Smiling to an elderly is charity, or to anyone, for the matter.:o Sincerely.

Chastity, is charity. You love God.
 
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