Chastity/Desire/Lost Direction

[Mark86]

I’m in my 20s. I’m single. I’m alone. I have no friends, and certainly no Christian friends. Every week I go to Church and sit alone and leave alone. I listen to all the Catholic radio, and they always boil things down to neat little soundbites that don’t offer much practical solution/advice other than what I’ve come to call “greeting card zen” and “fortune cookie wisdom.” I’m not debating the Church’s teachings, but just wondering how to apply them in a single life and still be happy. Chastity is not just “hard”… it’s driving me to the breaking point. There are times I want to bash my head into a wall because at least pain is “something” to offset the pain of “holding it in.” Otherwise I have no outlet for it. Being chaste just tortures me endlessly. It gives me no peace. I sit on the floor in my room and cry often. I have no outlets for this. I know we’re not supposed to “repress” the desires, but what else can I do with it? I know… “love”… but what does that really mean practically? Any suggestions? It seems like I can’t ever use this function other than to fight against it every day of my life. How is that “beautiful?” How is that a “gift?” Why should I pray that God take away something “beautiful” that He gave me? I even came to the point of HATING my sexual desire because of this. I don’t want to because I know it’s not what God wants, but what else can I do?

Abstaining from it induces shaking and being short of breath. It is a real physical anguish that even induces nausea. I could go for a walk but as soon as I’m done, it’s back. I could pray a hundred rosaries, but as soon as I’m done, it comes back. The thoughts, the desires, the temptations, endlessly poking at me, gagging up my throat, putting me on the floor. I pray to every saint I can think of. I pray to the Blessed Mother. And then 10 minutes later when the thoughts return I do it again. Sometimes it goes on for days, endless torture without rest, without cease. And that’s what it is. It’s torturous. It makes every moment of life a living hell. Resisting these things zaps all my energy and strength.

I know from experience that masturbation is NOT the solution to this, but at least after I fall into this sin, I feel purpose-driven once again. I know I have to get to Confession as soon as possible and I always go as soon as I can. I go week after week to confess this. I usually spend time in adoration afterwards. I sometimes even practice the Holy Stairs devotion which I think is an amazing devotion in how it incorporates the whole body into the prayer. But I guess my point is, while I’m suffering under the weight of being chaste, I don’t know what I’m doing it for. I never want to be separated from God, but in the state of grace I find myself just sitting in my room, obeying all the “Shall Nots” but having no real clue what I “Shall” be doing with myself other than sitting around “not-sinning.” And this is precisely how Satan ensnares me. He pushes me towards presumption, because at least when I’m in a state of mortal sin, I have a “purpose” once again. My “purpose” is to go to Confession. After Confession, I don’t know what to do other than sit around and “not sin.”

I can obey all the Commandments just sitting in my room suffering and struggling against temptation and the sickness of my desires, but is that really the life God wants me to live? Is that all there is? Is it going to be 50 more years of this?

Let me just point out that I have every intention of staying loyal to Christ and His Church through anything, even if it does mean 50 more years of this. And I am grateful for all the blessings that He has given me, but then I ask Him, why can’t I be satisfied? “Why can’t that be enough for me Lord? What more do I want??” I don’t understand why I desire, desire, desire so much when God has obviously been gracious to me. Even if I’m called to sit around and suffer for Christ, I guess I’m just wondering what else I can do to make the best of it?

I want to thank you in advance for putting up with my whining and I’d appreciate whatever anyone has to say.

 

[josephback]

I’m in my 20s. I’m single. I’m alone. I have no friends, and certainly no Christian friends. Every week I go to Church and sit alone and leave alone. I listen to all the Catholic radio, and they always boil things down to neat little soundbites that don’t offer much practical solution/advice other than what I’ve come to call “greeting card zen” and “fortune cookie wisdom.” I’m not debating the Church’s teachings, but just wondering how to apply them in a single life and still be happy. Chastity is not just “hard”… it’s driving me to the breaking point. There are times I want to bash my head into a wall because at least pain is “something” to offset the pain of “holding it in.” Otherwise I have no outlet for it. Being chaste just tortures me endlessly. It gives me no peace. I sit on the floor in my room and cry often. I have no outlets for this. I know we’re not supposed to “repress” the desires, but what else can I do with it? I know… “love”… but what does that really mean practically? Any suggestions? It seems like I can’t ever use this function other than to fight against it every day of my life. How is that “beautiful?” How is that a “gift?” Why should I pray that God take away something “beautiful” that He gave me? I even came to the point of HATING my sexual desire because of this. I don’t want to because I know it’s not what God wants, but what else can I do?

Abstaining from it induces shaking and being short of breath. It is a real physical anguish that even induces nausea. I could go for a walk but as soon as I’m done, it’s back. I could pray a hundred rosaries, but as soon as I’m done, it comes back. The thoughts, the desires, the temptations, endlessly poking at me, gagging up my throat, putting me on the floor. I pray to every saint I can think of. I pray to the Blessed Mother. And then 10 minutes later when the thoughts return I do it again. Sometimes it goes on for days, endless torture without rest, without cease. And that’s what it is. It’s torturous. It makes every moment of life a living hell. Resisting these things zaps all my energy and strength.

I know from experience that masturbation is NOT the solution to this, but at least after I fall into this sin, I feel purpose-driven once again. I know I have to get to Confession as soon as possible and I always go as soon as I can. I go week after week to confess this. I usually spend time in adoration afterwards. I sometimes even practice the Holy Stairs devotion which I think is an amazing devotion in how it incorporates the whole body into the prayer. But I guess my point is, while I’m suffering under the weight of being chaste, I don’t know what I’m doing it for. I never want to be separated from God, but in the state of grace I find myself just sitting in my room, obeying all the “Shall Nots” but having no real clue what I “Shall” be doing with myself other than sitting around “not-sinning.” And this is precisely how Satan ensnares me. He pushes me towards presumption, because at least when I’m in a state of mortal sin, I have a “purpose” once again. My “purpose” is to go to Confession. After Confession, I don’t know what to do other than sit around and “not sin.”

I can obey all the Commandments just sitting in my room suffering and struggling against temptation and the sickness of my desires, but is that really the life God wants me to live? Is that all there is? Is it going to be 50 more years of this?

Let me just point out that I have every intention of staying loyal to Christ and His Church through anything, even if it does mean 50 more years of this. And I am grateful for all the blessings that He has given me, but then I ask Him, why can’t I be satisfied? “Why can’t that be enough for me Lord? What more do I want??” I don’t understand why I desire, desire, desire so much when God has obviously been gracious to me. Even if I’m called to sit around and suffer for Christ, I guess I’m just wondering what else I can do to make the best of it?

I want to thank you in advance for putting up with my whining and I’d appreciate whatever anyone has to say.

Like you I’m in my twenties and a convert. There aren’t many young single girls in my parish. All I can say is you’re not alone.

 

[lucymeadhbh]

I’m in my 20s. I’m single. I’m alone. I have no friends, and certainly no Christian friends. Every week I go to Church and sit alone and leave alone. I listen to all the Catholic radio, and they always boil things down to neat little soundbites that don’t offer much practical solution/advice other than what I’ve come to call “greeting card zen” and “fortune cookie wisdom.” I’m not debating the Church’s teachings, but just wondering how to apply them in a single life and still be happy. Chastity is not just “hard”… it’s driving me to the breaking point. There are times I want to bash my head into a wall because at least pain is “something” to offset the pain of “holding it in.” Otherwise I have no outlet for it. Being chaste just tortures me endlessly. It gives me no peace. I sit on the floor in my room and cry often. I have no outlets for this. I know we’re not supposed to “repress” the desires, but what else can I do with it? I know… “love”… but what does that really mean practically? Any suggestions? It seems like I can’t ever use this function other than to fight against it every day of my life. How is that “beautiful?” How is that a “gift?” Why should I pray that God take away something “beautiful” that He gave me? I even came to the point of HATING my sexual desire because of this. I don’t want to because I know it’s not what God wants, but what else can I do?

Abstaining from it induces shaking and being short of breath. It is a real physical anguish that even induces nausea. I could go for a walk but as soon as I’m done, it’s back. I could pray a hundred rosaries, but as soon as I’m done, it comes back. The thoughts, the desires, the temptations, endlessly poking at me, gagging up my throat, putting me on the floor. I pray to every saint I can think of. I pray to the Blessed Mother. And then 10 minutes later when the thoughts return I do it again. Sometimes it goes on for days, endless torture without rest, without cease. And that’s what it is. It’s torturous. It makes every moment of life a living hell. Resisting these things zaps all my energy and strength.

I know from experience that masturbation is NOT the solution to this, but at least after I fall into this sin, I feel purpose-driven once again. I know I have to get to Confession as soon as possible and I always go as soon as I can. I go week after week to confess this. I usually spend time in adoration afterwards. I sometimes even practice the Holy Stairs devotion which I think is an amazing devotion in how it incorporates the whole body into the prayer. But I guess my point is, while I’m suffering under the weight of being chaste, I don’t know what I’m doing it for. I never want to be separated from God, but in the state of grace I find myself just sitting in my room, obeying all the “Shall Nots” but having no real clue what I “Shall” be doing with myself other than sitting around “not-sinning.” And this is precisely how Satan ensnares me. He pushes me towards presumption, because at least when I’m in a state of mortal sin, I have a “purpose” once again. My “purpose” is to go to Confession. After Confession, I don’t know what to do other than sit around and “not sin.”

I can obey all the Commandments just sitting in my room suffering and struggling against temptation and the sickness of my desires, but is that really the life God wants me to live? Is that all there is? Is it going to be 50 more years of this?

Let me just point out that I have every intention of staying loyal to Christ and His Church through anything, even if it does mean 50 more years of this. And I am grateful for all the blessings that He has given me, but then I ask Him, why can’t I be satisfied? “Why can’t that be enough for me Lord? What more do I want??” I don’t understand why I desire, desire, desire so much when God has obviously been gracious to me. Even if I’m called to sit around and suffer for Christ, I guess I’m just wondering what else I can do to make the best of it?

I want to thank you in advance for putting up with my whining and I’d appreciate whatever anyone has to say.

So buddy,
Do you want a friend?:hug3:

 

[theoda]

“Christ is not so interested in how often in your lives you stumble and fall, but in how often you pick yourselves up again.” - Pope Benedict XVI

“If God causes you to suffer much, it is a sign that He has great designs for you, and that He certainly intends to make you a saint. And if you wish to become a great saint, entreat Him yourself to give you much opportunity for suffering; for there is no wood better to kindle the fire of holy love than the wood of the cross, which Christ used for His own great sacrifice of boundless charity.”-St. Ignatius Loyola

Perhaps try saying the St. Michael the Archangel prayer:

St. Michael the Archangel,
defend us in battle.
Be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the Devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray,
and do thou,
O Prince of the heavenly hosts,
by the power of God,
thrust into hell Satan,
and all the evil spirits,
who prowl about the world
seeking the ruin of souls. Amen…

Three more prayers concerning lust:

Mary, Mother most pure, and Joseph, chaste guardian of the Virgin, to you I entrust the purity of my soul and body. I beg you to plead with God for me that I may never for the remainder of my life soil my soul by any sin of impurity. I earnestly wish to be pure in thought, word and deed in imitation of your own holy purity. Obtain for me a deep sense of modesty, which will be reflected in my external conduct. Protect my eyes, the windows of my soul, from anything that might dim the luster of a heart that must mirror only Christ-like purity. And when the “Bread of Angels” becomes my food in Holy Communion, seal my heart forever against the suggestions of sinful pleasures. Finally, may I be among the number of those of whom Jesus spoke, “Blessed are the pure of heart for they shall see God.” Amen.

This second one, addressed to our Lord, is shorter and easier to memorize:

**Lord, inflame our hearts and our inmost beings with the fire of Your Holy Spirit, that we may serve You with chaste bodies and pure minds. Through Christ our Lord. Amen
**
The third of our prayers for purity is a little longer:

My God, You have given me a body to keep pure and clean and healthy for Your service and my eternal happiness. Forgive me for all my unfaithfulness in this great responsibility. Forgive me for every mean use which I have made of Your gifts in thought, word or deed since my rebirth as Your own adopted child in Baptism and my registration as a soldier of Jesus on the day of my Confirmation. Create in me a clean heart, O God, and give me a steadfast will that I may be a strength to others around me. Teach me to respect my body and the bodies of my fellow creatures. Help me to see the glory of perfect manhood In Jesus Christ and of perfect womanhood in Mary Immaculate. Inspire me with such love for the ideals for which our Savior lived and died that all my passions and energies will be caught up into the enthusiasm of His service, and evil things will lose their power. May my body be the servant of my soul, and may both body and soul be Your servants. Through Christ our Lord. Amen.

I hope these prayers helped!

 

[truetofaith]

It’s very difficult to give advice because this is a very overwhelming feeling and whatever is said sounds trite.
All I can say is : #1 pray to the Lord, to let you meet a Catholic girl who will be the perfect partner for you to love & eventually marry. You may find that person at work or possibly at a church picnic or dance.
In the meantime, you must find a hobby that will fill your alone time with creative ideas to substitute for the sexual thoughts.
I was lucky to have an interest to play guitar, which filled many hours with constructive activity. I was also lucky, or blessed to meet my future wife at a bank & later learned she worked for the same company I did. BTW, my guitar lessons paid off, since I played with bands on weekends and now that I 'm retired, I play lots of one man gigs.
You may find woodworking or painting to be something to occupy your mind until that wonderful girl comes along

Pray, keep busy and keep trying to meet decent girls at church functions, museums, libraries etc. & I believe God will answer your sincere efforts & prayers.

I hope this helps you .

 

[Mark86]

Like you I’m in my twenties and a convert. There aren’t many young single girls in my parish. All I can say is you’re not alone.

This is actually a rather serious problem in the Church, at least from my perspective. In fact, Catholic Exchange recently even had an article on how little singles are offered by the Church and how little we can even offer back (not out of apathy or neglect of duty, but simply as a matter of “where can we contribute to that won’t cause all the married couples to wonder what we’re doing there?”). So much of the outreach, the programs, the seminars, the retreats, the events, and everything that goes into “parish life” is geared for married couples. Is it any wonder there’s so few people in their 20s at Church? What is there to do there when you’re single? Drink coffee after Mass and talk to older married people? This is a serious question.

I know “socializing” is not why we go to Mass, and speaking as a Catholic who goes to Mass regardless (to encounter Christ), I often feel like a cloistered religious already just for attending as I’m obligated, never mind the fact that I go during the week as well. Not only is it hard to find Catholic friends in general, and not only are there almost no young adult Catholics at my parish (I’m routinely the only one), but let’s be honest, married couples don’t want to become friends with single people. Married individuals generally like to be in the company of other married individuals. Married couples invite other married couples to parties and events. They don’t invite random single guys in their 20s to “crash” their married couple events.

I once attended the parish Christmas pageant put on by the children, just because it was an event in the parish and I love the holidays and I want to support the work that goes into those things. While certainly nobody was objecting to my presence, I couldn’t get over the fact that once again I was in a room full of people and yet completely on my own. I knew nobody there. Nobody knew me. Nobody got to know me. I didn’t get to know anybody. I just started wondering what I was doing there. I felt like I was trespassing or crashing the party, like I didn’t belong. It also happened once again when I attended a Cub Scout breakfast event at the parish… just an extremely odd thing to do as a single person, but not at all for those who were married and were attending it together WITH someone, or maybe because they “knew” people there through their children and other parents…etc. Is Catholicism a married people’s club? Christ wasn’t married.

Often I don’t volunteer for anything at the parish because I know I’d be the only one there who is either under 50 or unmarried, and I know it’s probably all in my head, but it’s just too awkward for me to associate with those groups and it’s probably awkward for them as well. I’m not a trailblazer. It’s not that I don’t want to be around older people, of course not, it’s just I don’t think it’s too selfish of me to want to be around other Catholics my age… not just old people and children.

So buddy,
Do you want a friend?:hug3:

Thanks for the hug.

Yes I would very much like a close friend.

I hope these prayers helped!

Thank you for the prayers, but I was kind of hoping for advice that didn’t just resort back to more of the same “sitting around and praying” that I already do. I know this is an internet forum and so there’s not much that can be offered here, but I just feel like sitting around praying is continuing to find an excuse for inaction. But then I always think “well, what kind of action should I be doing?” And I don’t see too many options. I see a lot of prayers one can sit around and pray over and over, but some things just need to be “done” and not just prayed for. Some things need to be sought, rather than just waited on.

The problem is I don’t know where to start. Yes, I know… “Jesus”. Where is He? “In the Eucharist.” Okay, well I take the Eucharist twice a week. Where do I go to live my life after I’ve encountered the Lord in the Eucharist? That’s the question. Where to go and what to do? Where are the non-sinful ways to meet other young Catholics? There’s nothing happening at the parish.

All I can say is : #1 pray to the Lord, to let you meet a Catholic girl who will be the perfect partner for you to love & eventually marry. You may find that person at work or possibly at a church picnic or dance.

I know this is going to sound like I’m spurning your advice, but just know I do appreciate it. I just wish there were some “church picnics” or “dances” but there’s nobody who isn’t already married or under 50 in my parish, and so even if there were events like that, I don’t suppose I’d be meeting any 20-something Catholic girls there. The issue is I just don’t know where to go to find people in non-sinful events. The Church certainly doesn’t sponsor them.

In the meantime, you must find a hobby that will fill your alone time with creative ideas to substitute for the sexual thoughts.

While I definitely believe there is truth to this, the same thing that keeps me from maintaining a decision to remain in a state of grace also keeps me from maintaining an interest in any non-sinful hobby. I hate to say this, and I’m just trying to be honest here, but it seems sometimes the only thing I really enjoy doing is sinning… I don’t want to, and I try to focus my efforts on composing my music, drawing, and writing my novels and other pursuits, but I just can’t seem to find the ambition anymore… especially since I became Catholic and all that “worldly pursuit” is no longer of value to me. There’s also depression as well that causes one to lose interest in things once enjoyed.

 

[lucymeadhbh]

This is actually a rather serious problem in the Church, at least from my perspective. In fact, Catholic Exchange recently even had an article on how little singles are offered by the Church in way of fellowship but more importantly, how little we singles can offer back to the Church. So much of the outreach, the programs, the events, and everything that goes into “parish life” is geared for married couples. Is it any wonder there’s so few people in their 20s at Church? What is there to do there when you’re single? Drink coffee after Mass and talk to older married people?

Speaking as a Catholic who goes to Mass regardless, I often feel like a cloistered religious already just for attending as I’m obligated, never mind the fact that I go during the week as well. Not only is it hard to find Catholic friends in general, and not only are there almost no young adult Catholics at my parish (I’m routinely the only one), but let’s be honest, married couples don’t want to become friends with single people. Married individuals generally like to be in the company of other married individuals. Married couples invite other married couples to parties and events. They don’t invite random single guys in their 20s to “crash” their married couple events.

I once attended the parish Christmas pageant put on by the children, just because it was an event in the parish and I love the holidays and I want to support the work that goes into those things. While certainly nobody was objecting to my presence, I couldn’t get over the fact that once again I was in a room full of people and yet completely on my own. I knew nobody there. Nobody knew me. Nobody got to know me. I didn’t get to know anybody. I just started wondering what I was doing there. I felt like I was trespassing or crashing the party, like I didn’t belong. It also happened once again when I attended a Cub Scout breakfast event at the parish… just an extremely odd thing to do as a single person, but not at all for those who were married and were attending it together.

Often I don’t volunteer for anything at the parish because I know I’d be the only one there under 50, and I know it’s probably all in my head, but it’s just too awkward for me. It’s not that I don’t want to be around older people, of course not, it’s just I don’t think it’s too selfish of me to want to be around other Catholics my age… not just old people and children.

Thanks for the hug.

Yes I would very much like a close friend.

Thank you for the prayers, but I was kind of hoping for advice that didn’t just resort back to more of the same “sitting around and praying” that I already do. I know this is an internet forum and so there’s not much that can be offered here, but I just feel like sitting around praying is continuing to find an excuse for inaction. But then I always think “well, what kind of action should I be doing?” And I don’t see too many options. I see a lot of prayers one can sit around and pray over and over, but some things just need to be “done” and not just prayed for. Some things need to be sought, rather than just waited on.

The problem is I don’t know where to start. Yes, I know… “Jesus”. Where is He? “In the Eucharist.” Okay, well I take the Eucharist twice a week. Where do I go to live my life after I’ve encountered the Lord in the Eucharist? That’s the question. Where to go and what to do? Where are the non-sinful ways to meet other young Catholics? There’s nothing happening at the parish.

I know this is going to sound like I’m spurning your advice, but just know I do appreciate it. I just wish there were some “church picnics” or “dances” but there’s nobody who isn’t already married or under 50 in my parish, and so even if there were events like that, I don’t suppose I’d be meeting any 20-something Catholic girls there. The issue is I just don’t know where to go to find people in non-sinful events. The Church certainly doesn’t sponsor them.

While I definitely believe there is truth to this, the same thing that keeps me from maintaining a decision to remain in a state of grace also keeps me from maintaining an interest in any non-sinful hobby. I hate to say this, and I’m just trying to be honest here, but it seems sometimes the only thing I really enjoy doing is sinning… I don’t want to, and I try to focus my efforts on composing my music, drawing, and writing my novels and other pursuits, but I just can’t seem to find the ambition anymore… especially since I became Catholic and all that “worldly pursuit” is no longer of value to me.

Have you heard of an organisation called Youth 2000. It organises retreats and events for young people in the Catholic Church aged 16-35. I recently went to one and it was absolutely fantastic. Everyone talked to everyone else and it’s organised by young people so it wasn’t one of those things where adult chaperones awkwardly hovered, hoping to push unsuspecting victims together. I am so looking forward to the next one, I had no idea that I would find such fellowship within the Church!!:extrahappy:

 

[truetofaith]

I know this is going to sound like I’m spurning your advice, but just know I do appreciate it. I just wish there were some “church picnics” or “dances” but there’s nobody who isn’t already married or under 50 in my parish, and so even if there were events like that, I don’t suppose I’d be meeting any 20-something Catholic girls there. The issue is I just don’t know where to go to find people in non-sinful events. The Church certainly doesn’t sponsor them.
While I definitely believe there is truth to this, the same thing that keeps me from maintaining a decision to remain in a state of grace also keeps me from maintaining an interest in any non-sinful hobby. I hate to say this, and I’m just trying to be honest here, but it seems sometimes the only thing I really enjoy doing is sinning… I don’t want to, and I try to focus my efforts on composing my music, drawing, and writing my novels and other pursuits, but I just can’t seem to find the ambition anymore… especially since I became Catholic and all that “worldly pursuit” is no longer of value to me.​

Our parish has a youth group but I think it’s mainly teens who attend. There is also a singles group…which may be a possible avenue to pursue in your parish.

Becoming Catholic doesn’t mean you have to give up all your creative activities. God gave you the talent to draw, compose music & write novels. Jesus said not to bury your talents in the ground.

 

[danonwaveland]

There are “Theology on Tap” gatherings during the summer in some cities. These are geared to people under forty, IIRC. Go to your diocesan website - or call their main office - to ask if there are any young adult gatherings or volunteer opportunities.

Other than that, try to develop interests, as someone recommended, and keep praying! Ask the Little Flower for help. And we will be praying for you, as well.

God bless,
Dan

 

[Mark86]

As far as Youth 2000, I had never heard of it, and that’s probably because I’d have to travel to Texas and other far off places like Sweden next year in order to participate in it and I am nowhere near there, nor do I have time for it. I love the idea of it and that people get so much out of it, but I just can’t get to something like that. I also have to work for a living just like anyone else. There’s a big difference between needing someone to go do something with on a regular basis and flying out to Tennessee for a one shot event.

Our parish has a youth group but I think it’s mainly teens who attend. There is also a singles group…which may be a possible avenue to pursue in your parish.

There isn’t one in my parish. We have a very thin church bulletin. Sometimes there’s so little going on that father fills the page with words of wisdom and poetry. And yes, most of the programs at the Diocesan level are for teenagers and high school students. I mean, I’d have to go hang around a high school if I wanted to attend one of their little outings. I have my diocese’s Office of Faith Formation website in my favorites. I check it all the time for updates and there’s never anything going on that would take me.

There are “Theology on Tap” gatherings during the summer in some cities. These are geared to people under forty, IIRC. Go to your diocesan website - or call their main office - to ask if there are any young adult gatherings or volunteer opportunities.

I’ve heard of Theology on Tap and it sounds like something I would love to get involved in, even if I have to travel a bit to do it. But the issue is it’s just not happening around here.

Other than that, try to develop interests, as someone recommended, and keep praying! Ask the Little Flower for help. And we will be praying for you, as well.

Not only do I already do this, but I even know why you suggested the intercession of the Little Flower for this matter. She was amazing in this. By all means, prayer is not something I plan to do away with any time soon. In fact, it seems about all I can do at the moment. Sit and pray. heh

 

[truetofaith]

I notice, Mark86, that you do have other interests, like composing, drawing & novel writing. The only thing is they are solitary activities, like mine (music & painting.)

Since you’re not married like I am, it would be good if you can get an interest that would include being with others, like maybe jogging, or even displaying your drawings at an art or craft fair that would provide an opportunity to meet people & not be alone with your thoughts so much.

You’ve been praying …and perhaps God has drawn you to this site for some practical answers.

Just trying to make some helpful suggestions. :newidea:

 

[SketchStretch]

Sounds somewhat like me, but also in the female version. I wish there were more people our age that were at a Church that I would go to that wanted to make new friends, but online ones are good too.

 

[josephback]

Often I don’t volunteer for anything at the parish because I know I’d be the only one there who is either under 50 or unmarried, and I know it’s probably all in my head, but it’s just too awkward for me to associate with those groups and it’s probably awkward for them as well.

I volunteered for being a catechist at 29 and one of the people involved is a girl in her mid twenties. I knew she existed before, but working together has resulted in the unintended possibility of building a friendship and pursuing something later on if desired. Right now my job is the class.

 

[truetofaith]

I volunteered for being a catechist at 29 and one of the people involved is a girl in her mid twenties. I knew she existed before, but working together has resulted in the unintended possibility of building a friendship and pursuing something later on if desired. Right now my job is the class.

Now that’s what I’m talkin’ about!

 

[Mark86]

Just trying to make some helpful suggestions. :newidea:

I know, and I truly appreciate it. I may just have to look around other dioceses and perhaps travel a bit. God has been gracious to me despite my constant failings with upholding chastity and has given me a consolation of trust, “all things in their time.”

I volunteered for being a catechist at 29 and one of the people involved is a girl in her mid twenties. I knew she existed before, but working together has resulted in the unintended possibility of building a friendship and pursuing something later on if desired. Right now my job is the class.

Wow that’s amazing. I find it interesting and encouraging to know that sometimes things can just work out if the Lord wills. For a long while now I’ve had an inkling about becoming a catechist. I thought you needed a degree in theology to do that though? I would love to do that. What’s involved in that?

 

[josephback]

Wow that’s amazing. I find it interesting and encouraging to know that sometimes things can just work out if the Lord wills. For a long while now I’ve had an inkling about becoming a catechist. I thought you needed a degree in theology to do that though? I would love to do that. What’s involved in that?

To be a DRE you might need a degree in theology, but a lot of catechist work is volunteer. It depends on how well you know the faith, and if your knowledge isn’t ideal there are resources to make use of. You’d have to get in touch with the person who directs it at your parish. If you have your own class you’ll also need to learn classroom management. It’s better to start out by assisting in my opinion.

 

[PDXSeeker_1975]

Sounds like we have a lot in common as far as these battles go. Except I’m 39, so I don’t even really fit the “young adult” demo anymore. I am in RCIA, planning to enter full communion this Easter, determined to live and follow the true teachings of Christ and his Church, but I fall into these sins/temptations way too often. I am divorced and am not sure that a declaration of nullity is likely, so I am effectively living as a single man. Even so, it seems the options for meeting single people in a similar age group are very limited. On top of that, I’m about 2000 miles from home (living in St Louis, all my family/friends are in Oregon). I consider myself a fairly normal person, with a good job, average "guy’ interests, but just have never been good at meeting people, in or out of the Church. Maybe we can talk some of these things out on these forums, or through other channels.

Jeff

 

[schaubj57]

I’m 36, male, single n/m. My church sounds much like yours. Youngest person there generally is myself or a lady who just got engaged (she’s 32 or so). Otherwise, the next youngest is mid 50’s. Where I live, there are no young Catholics and women in my age range are either divorced, engaged or shacked up with a guy. I searched for 20 years for a relationship and all I got was hurt, used and thrown away.

That lead me to adopt interests like auto racing, firearms and side work (mechanic and now HVAC) that occupy my time. Like you, I had a difficult time with sexual thoughts and not properly addressing them. I sinned, I repented and when weak I sinned again. I have spent the last 2 years building myself up to be stronger and not giving into such desires. Is it a difficult thing to do? YES but with prayer and truly seeking God’s help it is obtainable.

I’ll pray that you are able to overcome the desires you feel and that you can find a really good Catholic girl (or even just a really good woman in general) and have a loving relationship with her.