Chastity

  • Thread starter Thread starter vicky
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
V

vicky

Guest
I am 25 and have been dating someone for 4 years and have been sexually active with him. I just told him yesterday that I want to stop.

This wasn’t the easiest conversation for me to have with him but I have an honest relationship with him and have discussed with him that I was seriously considering this before. However now that I’ve made my vow to God to wait until marriage before having sexual relations, he says he doesn’t understand why I would want to change things between us after so much time. He loves me and supports my decision but that he is shocked. He says he is with me no matter what I decide. He is a wonderful man but I want to be able to explain to him that this is not something I am doing to put distance between us, or to make him upset. I don’t want to sound to preachy with him. I just need some good arguments I can use.

I know this will be hard for me as well. Old habits may be hard to break. Do any of you have any suggestions I could use that may help me?
 
First of all, I have to praise your decision to embrace chastity. I expect it will be difficult for both of you to change your habits, but give it time and prayer. Be patient with yourselves.

Give your boyfriend some time to absorb the change, he may just not have taken it all in during your conversation. Make sure you know why you are doing this. Only then can you communicate it to someone else.

And finally, why not get married? 😉 Problem solved!
 
First of all Vicky, may you recieve the grace and blessing needed to keep that part of your life under the Lord’s ordinances and care.

One of the things I’ve found is that the longer and closer one walks with the Lord, the higher a standard one will begin to hold one’s self to. There are areas of all of our lives, I’m quite sure, that are less than perfectly in conformity to his plans for them. (I know there are still in mine, even as I push 60.) Remember: Even Saul did not become Paul the Apostle on the road to Damascus. That took years, as he lived with the community he had become a member of. You are now at the point where you have made the choice to place that part of your being under the Lord, and yes, it’s a biggie.

Perhaps if this step is presented as part of a process of growth, it might be more easily understood by the other party?

Blessings,

Gerry
 
WOO HOO!!! I am very proud of you!!!

Firstly, there is more to being chaste than just abstaining from sex. Chastity is about respect … respect between you, your partner, and God. There should be modesty and patience, and a true understanding of God’s purpose when He created marriage and sex.

Sex had two main purposes …
  1. Procreation 2) to seal the Holy union between a man and a woman
Having sex outside of marriage doesn’t quite fit into either of these catagories. And the act of waiting shows that the love between the man and woman is based on more than just the sex! The fact that your partner is willing to wait shows just how incredible he is … hold on to him!!! Explain to him that by waiting you are making yourself more holy and strengthening your love triangle with your partner and God.

~ And they say, waiting makes the heart grow fonder 😉 ~

God’s graces to you and your main squeeze!!!
 
If you want some good info on the defense of chastity, look into the “Pure Love Club” on the Catholic answers website. You can reach it by selecting the “CHASTITY” tab on the Catholic Answers home page. They have much info there and links for other sites. You can order tapes that were speaches given to high school and college students. I’d also write them and see what they have to recommend for you age…hey, you are the same age as me!..right on, glad you decided to make our age group stronger by choosing to be chaste in your relationships, you have my support:thumbsup: .
 
Thank you for your comments and support. They have helped me out so much…given me strenght. My boyfriend and I talked last night and I am trully blessed to have someone like him in my life. Townsend, you were right by telling me that I should give him time to absorb all of this. After gathering my thoughts and praying to God I explained to my boyfriend why chastity was so important to me. I explained why I had decided to live my life this way. All though he was very pouty at the begining of our conversation, after listening to my argument his attitude toward the situation completely changed.
 
Good for you! In addition to the Pure Love Club, an additional resource that I recommend is the below book (at amazon.com) by Christopher West. He offers orthodox and practical helps for understanding and living out chastity. On the practical side, you and your boyfriend will likely need to change some of your couple time structure to avoid setting yourselves up for failure. God Bless.

Good News About Sex and Marriage: Answers to Your Honest Questions About Catholic Teaching
by Christopher West
 
I’ll also offer some advice stemming from a line of thought I originally heard from Janet E. Smith.

Please make sure you have a chaste relationship with him for at least a year prior to making any permanent decisions about marriage.

We all see the scenario where a woman chooses someone who is wrong for her to marry. After the divorce, it seems like people come out of the woodwork to observe that they could “see it was wrong fromt he beginning”. Why do women (and men) make these poor choices? Because they are having sex. The unitive aspects of sex cloud the picture, they feel bonded even though it is an illusion.

Having at least a year together without sex is really needed to know if the relationship is also solid on the aspects that are truly important, like faith, morals, and character.

If you remain chaste for a month or two, then set a wedding date, your thinking can still be clouded by the sexual issue. Yet that is one of the least important aspects of choosing a life-long marriage partner.

You may find that this man is the man to marry. You may find that he is not. After 4 years together, it is time to resolve this one way or the other.

Good luck and God Bless.
 
Good for you - it doesn’t seem to be a choice many young people are making these days. However, in the long run, you will feel blessed in doing so.
God Bless!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top