Cheating

[roemer]

If there is a term I really don’t like, it’s cheating". Cheating is what you do in a game.; it’s positioning the football ahead of where you were tackled, or taking too many cards or something. Cheating means “not serious matter”.

Next time you hear a spouse was “cheating” on his/her spouse, say “you mean he/she was committing adultery” That tends to liven things up.

Also, when single people date, each other, if one or the other dates someone else, its called “cheating”. People should realize, that until the engagement, single people are perfectly free to date anyone. These pseudo-committments or assumed committments just servbe to diminish the real ones.

 

[Sir_Knight]

roemer:

… when single people date, each other, if one or the other dates someone else, its called “cheating”. People should realize, that until the engagement, single people are perfectly free to date anyone …

While it may not be nice, I think that even engaged couples have the option to dates others – however, once the ring goes on both fingers, God has joined the man & woman into one flesh and what God has joined togeher, let no one put asunder!

 

[Maggie]

Not to mention if they are truly “courting” rather than “dating” it would keep things a whole lot more chaste and there wouldn’t be the need to worry about “cheating.”

 

[JimG]

Maggie:

Not to mention if they are truly “courting” rather than “dating” it would keep things a whole lot more chaste and there wouldn’t be the need to worry about “cheating.”

More courting, less dating. That would be a nice trend.

JimG

 

[Aussie_Mum]

roemer:

If there is a term I really don’t like, it’s cheating". Cheating is what you do in a game.; it’s positioning the football ahead of where you were tackled, or taking too many cards or something. Cheating means “not serious matter”.

Next time you hear a spouse was “cheating” on his/her spouse, say “you mean he/she was committing adultery” That tends to liven things up.

Also, when single people date, each other, if one or the other dates someone else, its called “cheating”. People should realize, that until the engagement, single people are perfectly free to date anyone. These pseudo-committments or assumed committments just servbe to diminish the real ones.

I disagree with your last comment. Courtship is a time to discern if marriage is right between the couple. I can tell you now, if my husband had dated other girls while we were discerning marriage I would not have married him. If he could not be faithful to me and our relationship before we are married then why would he be faithful after? What makes you think that a relationship before marriage is a pseudo commitment?

Cheers
Therese

 

[pittsburghjeff]

Therese

I think that when you are dating, having the option of dating other people helps you discern whether or not a person you are seeing is the one you are to marry. As long as you aren’t lying to anyone about your level of commitment, it’s OK. At the dating stage my attitude was, “If you find someone you like better than me than ‘see ya later’.” I would rather them find that out at the dating stage than a year into a marriage.

However, I disagree with the person who said that you can see other people even when you are engaged. You do that before you decide to get engaged. Engagement is kind of like taking your first vows in a religious order. You can back out of your commitment, but as long as you are in that order you better not be dating anyone.

 

[Ham1]

Engaged couples should not date (or court) others for the same reason that seminarians should not date.

 

[Aussie_Mum]

pittsburghjeff:

Therese

I think that when you are dating, having the option of dating other people helps you discern whether or not a person you are seeing is the one you are to marry. As long as you aren’t lying to anyone about your level of commitment, it’s OK. At the dating stage my attitude was, “If you find someone you like better than me than ‘see ya later’.” I would rather them find that out at the dating stage than a year into a marriage.

However, I disagree with the person who said that you can see other people even when you are engaged. You do that before you decide to get engaged. Engagement is kind of like taking your first vows in a religious order. You can back out of your commitment, but as long as you are in that order you better not be dating anyone.

If we were to listen to society they would tell us that there is one special person out there for all of us. This is not true. When we are dating/courting we are deciding if this person is the person that I want to commit my life to for the whole of my future. Love is not some feeling when you meet the right person it is there all the time. It is a decision. I make the decision to love my husband every day. When you state that it is OK to date several people at one time, it seems as if you think that there is one special person out there for you. It is because of this very reason that many celebrates are getting remarried. They think that they haven’t found the right one for them.

 

[system]

[When you state that it is OK to date several people at one time, it seems as if you think that there is one special person out there for you.

While I agree that love is a decision that we make day after day (whether it’s love of one’s spouse or love of neighbour at work, etc.) - I don’t agree that it’s wrong to think there’s one special person out there for you.

God has known me from all eternity, and He has a plan for my life, one that I can accept and go along with, or one that I can reject and go my own way. Part of that plan is whether He will call me to married life or not. And I think that if He calls me to married life, God knows full well the person He has for me. If my future husband is ‘out there,’ God knows him, knows where he is, knows when to bring us together, and is actively allowing whatever is happening in my life to happen so that ‘in the fullness of time’ we will be ready to meet; we’ll be ready - in part - for the shared vocation He has for us.

God knows this about people He calls to marriage the same way He knows which order of nuns He’s calling a woman to join when He calls her to consecrate herself to Him as His bride. He knows, when He calls a man to the priesthood, exactly what work He has for that man - missionary, parish priest, teacher, pope. Why should God not know precisely which man alive on the planet now is the one that He has set apart for my husband?

The person God has in mind is my ‘special someone’ who is out there.

I think the reason so many people divorce is HUGELY influenced by their not cooperating with God at all stages of the call to marriage: They don’t wait until the fullness of time - in God’s plan - for the right person to be revealed to them (read Tobit!). They rush into marriage because they are hitting thirty, they’re on the rebound, all their friends think they look like a cute couple, etc.

I think it’s when people decide that the choice of who to marry and when is entirely up to them that they start on the wrong foot. If they aren’t willing to submit *the choice of spouse to God’s plan for them, they aren’t likely to submit the day-to-day living out of marriage to God’s plan.

But if you submit your whole self and every relationship (work, ‘romantic,’ familial, friendship etc.) to God, you not only never two-time anyone, you never treat anyone like a shoe to be tried on, and you don’t rush into emotional relationships that aren’t in God’s plan for your life.

It’s all in His plan. We’ve just got to trustingly submit to His plan, and not take it all into our hands and try to force things to happen on our schedule.

 

[Aussie_Mum]

God has known me from all eternity, and He has a plan for my life, one that I can accept and go along with, or one that I can reject and go my own way. Part of that plan is whether He will call me to married life or not. And I think that if He calls me to married life, God knows full well the person He has for me. If my future husband is ‘out there,’ God knows him, knows where he is, knows when to bring us together, and is actively allowing whatever is happening in my life to happen so that ‘in the fullness of time’ we will be ready to meet; we’ll be ready - in part - for the shared vocation He has for us.

Hi Nell,

I believe also that if God calls us to marriage he does have a certain someone in mind. This however is very different from the worldly view of that special soul mate. The worldly view of a special someone is I will meet Mr or miss right and sparks will fly and I will always be in love. I will always have wonderful feelings about them. This is a lie. I certainly had very special feelings for my husband when I first meet him and I wanted to be with him every moment. As the years have gone on, that initial warm fuzzy feeling has gone. We certainly do care deeply about each other but our commitment and feelings have changed from that initial infactuation to a deep and caring love. Our relationship has grown and with it the feelings have changed. There have been times in our marriage that I have had to make a deliberate decision to love my husband and remain committed to him because I believe that God is calling me to do this.

You mention that God would call a nun to a certain order and I also agree with this. I believe that he calls them to the order that will help sanctify them. God knows what it takes to sanctify us. He really calls us along the path that will sanctify us. It is the best way for us to get to heaven. That is why as Christians it is so important for us to pray and seek God. He is calling us to serve him in a certain way so that he can sanctify us and help us to attain heaven.

cheers
Therese

 

[nancy3159]

…God has known me from all eternity, and He has a plan for my life, one that I can accept and go along with, or one that I can reject and go my own way. Part of that plan is whether He will call me to married life or not. And I think that if He calls me to married life, God knows full well the person He has for me. If my future husband is ‘out there,’ God knows him, knows where he is, knows when to bring us together, and is actively allowing whatever is happening in my life to happen so that ‘in the fullness of time’ we will be ready to meet; we’ll be ready - in part - for the shared vocation He has for us.
.

Nel, God has also given us free will. This sounds a bit like predestination to me.