"Checkered Past" Candidate--what to tell

[hamlet]

Hello. I believe I have a calling to the priesthood, but I also have a sinful past that I believe could be disqualifying. There are certain things, such as a DUI I got when I was 19, which will obviously be asked about in the application and which I will obviously tell the truth about. But there are other things that specific questions are unlikely to be asked about. They would probably only be mentioned in the biographical section if at all. Two things in particular that could bring shame to the Church’s name if the women involved were to come forward at a later date are:

1. When I was 17 I blew my top at a female friend of mine who I wanted to date. I called her a w**re, among various other abusive words. It has been many years, but it’s always possible she could make this public in a fit of vengeance before my ordination.
2. When I was in college, I was briefly in a fraternity. At a party, I became quite drunk and started kissing a girl. She reciprocated. We went upstairs to a dark room. When she wouldn’t consent to sex with me, I slapped her. Then we got up and left. I know it’s ugly. In this case, I doubt she even knows who I am, and the incident happened in a different state.

What do you all think? I know I’m inviting a lot of criticism, please don’t hold back. All the literature about vocations I’ve read says that as long as no murder or abortion has been committed and there is no serious mental illness then the man can still be ordained even with lots of bad things on his record, but I suppose in practice it’s different.

 

[BoomBoomMancini]

Just be honest. I doubt either incident is actually going to disqualify you in itself, although it does raise the question of whether you have some anger issues surrounding women in particular that might resurface.

But I think the best thing anyone can tell you is just be honest and be prepared to discuss how you’ve grown and changed since these incidents.

 

[LateranBasilica]

Read about St Augustine. Jesus came to call sinners home. St Augustine was a great sinner before becoming a great saint.
Have you spoken with a Vocations Director yet?
Forgive yourself for these past incidents.

 

[jack63]

Honestly, a DUI at 19…it is dumb luck who gets caught and who doesn’t…not to say it was acceptable behavior…it happens though. Men grow up. Name calling happens too.

As long as anything like the slapping incident happened only once and as you describe, there is no chance it will come back at you for an ordination. Something like that would be impossible to pin on you. Not that it would be moral for you to file a libel suit against an accuser, but if the woman had any idea it was you, she would and sadly probably should be worried that you would file a libel suit.

Personally, I think the slapping thing is a big deal though. I think you should think and pray quite a lot about whether it is the right path for you. You’ll still have a great deal of power over people. I would hope you rethink this…being a priest. Maybe it is still ok, but really think and pray. Yes, part of Christianity is that people can change. I truly believe this. However, if a priest ever told me he hit a woman in the setting you describe, my reaction would not be something that would be appropriate to write here. I’d never let a child or female friend anywhere near that priest too.

 

[1Lord1Faith]

I think the fact that you posted such details on a public forum is more troubling than anything else. If you’re serious about a vocation, I find it hard to believe that you would come to a social media site to ask complete strangers whether or not they think you’re qualified to be a priest.

 

[Justin_Mary]

What do you all think?

I think if you can tell a bunch of strangers on the internet, it can’t be that bad.

Besides, I thought you’d be assigned a mentor or spiritual director. If you have anything you’re concerned about telling him after spending time with him, becoming familiar with him, & you still can’t open up to him about it, then that would be something to be concerned about.

 

[jack63]

This is one of the most disturbing threads I’ve read on CAF.

Hitting a woman as you describe is a pretty grave mistake. The likelihood is much higher something like this would happen again. If it happens again in seminary or as a priest, they will remember who you are!

Like I said you’d be able to get away with this, but I’d hope you’d either reconsider being a priest or really work with a spiritual director on this.

I too am concerned that these questions are even being asked here.

 

[mrsdizzyd]

God is not going to give you a calling without giving you the ability to carry it out. Trust God. Have faith.

 

[Mary888]

Famous priests with a chekered past - St. Paul the Apostle, St. Cyprian…

 

[Shasta-Rose]

The hitting the woman action is, of course, troubling. I’m not sure what to say about that. However, when I was young–some time ago–I did a couple of things that I can’t believe I did. Really, as a youngster, I was a horrible person. Decided I wanted to be a good person and I got myself straightened out. Point being: People can change. I’m not saying anybody changes much overnight, but over years and decades, yes. As an older adult, I would be horrified if I thought anybody could know what I was like back then. I wouldn’t want to be held to account for something I did as a kid. I’m a completely different person now.

I guess the question is, is the OP a different person now? I guess we can’t know that.

 

[hamlet]

Thanks for the frank opinions everyone. I’m not sure why some are saying it’s odd for me to seek advice on this. I’m asking because in one of the vocations books I read (To Save a Thousand Souls, Brannen) it says that you don’t have to necessarily tell everything to your vocations director, just your spiritual director and confessor. I don’t plan on hiding these things from my confessor, I just don’t know what to include in my biography. For example, it would probably be scary and off putting to have a biography that went like this,

“…after graduating high school summa cum laude, I attended college on scholarship, where I learned a lot about myself. Sadly, there was one incident…”

Anyway I know I’m a borderline candidate. That’s why I’m getting my nursing degree anyway, so I have something to fall back on in the likely event that I’m rejected.

I also wanted to emphasize again that I know the deplorable nature of my behavior. Without mincing words, I really was a bit of a monster as an adolescent. All of the truly shameful deeds in my life happened when I was 17-19 years old. I’m 24 now, and believe I am different.

Do you guys think I would be more likely to be received positively if I waited until I was 30 to apply? To show that I have truly grown out of my behavior?

 

[hamlet]

I am seeing a therapist currently, and we discuss these things often. I’m not concerned with “getting away” since I didn’t really fully get away. I was called into the principal’s office and nearly suspended for the first incident, and removed from my fraternity for the second incident. I am indeed lucky not to be rotting in jail as a sex offender for the second–that is only because of the mercy of the girl and God.

I agree I have a long way to go.

 

[Bluebright]

Write the truth in your form and leave the rest up to God. I’m sure you have confessed these things to him anyway.
We certainly can’t and should not be judging you on any of those things cos all of us are sinners.
I for one (it seems) think it’s brave of you to be honest with us about how you were and seek advice from the stone throwers. I guess it takes one to know one (sinner). I have some sins in my past that if people knew they would not say such nice things about me. God has forgiven me and I remind myself cos God may be perfect enough to forgive and forget but I often wonder what my current friends would think if they knew… it’s long distant buried past. I dont think a few years would make a difference but that is really a matter best put to God in Adoration if I may make a suggestion. God bless you

 

[jack63]

jack63:

something like that would be impossible to pin on you

Oh I agree. My response indicated a “resignation” about this situation…not an encouragement to avoid an accusation being pinned on him.

OP…one possible suggestion to think about is writing this women who you hit, explaining your situation, asking forgiveness, and asking her opinion. With this being said you may not get the answer you want from her. In other words she may say it is a terrible idea for you to be a priest. Perhaps God would be working through her even if you don’t get the response you want. She may be ok with it too…just a suggestion.