Child accidental death in community - how to respond appropriately?

[ProudArmyWife]

While I am going to speak to our Priest about the situation, I know he is taking care of matters within this family. In the meantime, I would like to know about any advice from anyone with a similiar past circumstance…

Last evening a seventh grade child was struck and killed by a car during the high school homecoming parade. The events surrounding the event are to date rumors. The family is a Catholic family, who go to Mass regularly, but do not have their children enrolled in the religious education program (just background info about how it relates to our RE class).

As the coordinator for the religious education program, would it be appropriate to have lessons (for the older ones) about death? a memorial ceremony? I don’t want to ‘bring up’ feelings and not have the appropriate staff their to counsel them correctly. However, I’m sure this is be on the older children’s minds and they may bring it up in class and I want the teachers to be prepared.

Any suggestions?

 

[springbreeze]

Dear friend

You are obviously very concerned to handle this sensitively and appropriately.

However the children lost their sibling only last evening. It would be appropriate to speak to the children’s parents in this circumstance as I am sure they, along with their Priest, are explaining to them where their sibling has gone and all about death and grieving.

You must be very shocked and my sincere condolences to you and the family concerned. It is very clear you desire to help this family, but the best help you can be is to adhere to the parents wishes and be sensitive to how they wish this very sad and tragic loss to be handled.

At first this family will need time to actually believe what has happened as it is a sudden and tragic loss for them. Perhaps in the days after the funeral has taken place you might consider approaching the Priest and seeking his thoughts on this as he will be aware of how the parents are coping with this and dealing with the grief of their children. Then armed with his insights and wisdom you might pay the a visit taking some flowers and extend your sympathies.

In truth is it very exhausting emotionally to have alot of fuss and callers after a bereavement. The mind is reeling and after experiencing bereavement of a sudden loss myself, I can honestly say I don’t remember very much of what was said to me apart from the words of my Priest and one kind friend and that is it, the rest is just merged together as a bunch of phrases designed to console me, but actually do very little to console.

If you want to console this family in their loss and assist them through it you will respect their wishes, you will keep a friendly and supportive distance and allow them to grieve in their own way, you will offer in any way you can to help them and ask if it would help and be of consolation if you privately spoke to the children about the Catholic teachings on the after-life and most of all if you could in any way help to keep a routine for the children.

I do not think it is always necessarily wise to introduce into the classroom the very private grief of a child and have them sit there while death is discussed and therefore they become in their worst hour a focus for an entire classroom. It may be more appropriate to address the rest of the class seperately in respect of death and privately speak to the children who have lost their sibling, if that is what the parents desire.

Be careful that you are not an unwelcome intruder on a very private process of grieving. Use your prudence.

Well, those are my thoughts friend, but it’s never easy and this family will be raw and injured in grief for a very long time, perhaps never really accepting this loss. My prayers and heart are with you all.

God Bless you and much love and peace to you

Teresa

 

[AmISearching]

I think she was meaning being prepared for the other children in RE to be asking questions, not the siblings of the child (who aren’t enrolled in RE). Which I think is a good idea because the topic may indeed come up in class if a child asks or says something about it. But thats just my own personal two cents.

 

[spiritblows]

We’ve had several deaths in my community of young people. Generally a good show of support is a fund raiser to help pay unexpected expenses. A good friend of mine lost her son and granddaughter in a tragic accident and she really appreciated the public support. It really means a lot to these families to have people rally around them at this time. So, organize a pancake breakfast or something. The extra money can help with the funeral, and maybe the other kids in the family can use a hand.Also, setting up a fund at a bank is a good thing. My friend really appreciated that for her grandson who lost both his Dad and sister.

 

[ProudArmyWife]

Dear SpringBreeze, thank you so much for your thoughtful advice. I see you have first hand knowledge of such a tragedy. This family was new to our community and were not enrolled in RE, so their family - which consists of one older brother who has already been confirmed- will not be around during the RE timeframe.

AmISearching thank you for the clarificication for my post. I was wondering if anyone has any pre-made bearevement (sorry, not a good speller?) packages related to church teachings of purgatory and heaven - how humans do not become angels- etc. The catechists know these teachings, but it is sometimes difficult for them to lay it all out.

SpiritBlows, thank you for the idea of fundraising. Sadly, we are quite limited in our military community and have strong restrictions on fundraising. However, there are exceptions to every rule if one can find the right pair of scissors for the red tape.

 

[springbreeze]

ProudArmyWife:

Dear SpringBreeze, thank you so much for your thoughtful advice. I see you have first hand knowledge of such a tragedy. This family was new to our community and were not enrolled in RE, so their family - which consists of one older brother who has already been confirmed- will not be around during the RE timeframe.

Dear Friend

I am very sorry I misread your post. Totally my fault, it is quite clear now I have re-read your original post that the children are not involved in your RE class.

I’m keeping you all in my prayers and hope someone can advise you as to how to deal with RE lessons of the nature you have outlined.

God Bless you and much love and peace to you

Teresa

 

[aurora77]

Just a word of advice–if you’re going to do some sort of memorial or discussion about this boy’s death as part of your RE program–tell the parents first!!!

We just had a young man in our parish die unexpectedly. His mom and sister are co-teachers in our RE program and a number of the other teachers and students knew him. So, for the older grades, there was a memorial service for him (the funeral was the next day) that the kids and teachers attended. I teach a younger grade so we didn’t attend, but these kids were all crying as they came out of the church. Several of the parents were upset that they weren’t told in advance the memorial was going to happen. They wanted to be there for their kids, to talk about death, and his in particular with them, and they weren’t.

My :twocents: For what it’s worth.