Children and Heaven

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nannyg118

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I am new to the forums today. I hope someone out there will be able to help me, and that I am in the right forum for this question.
I am not Catholic, but my dearest friend is a wonderful, faithful Catholic- a daily Communicant, a Eucharistic Minister, basically the finest person I know. Her family (husband and 3 children) are equally involved. She has a teenage son who is giving her a very hard time- behaving badly in school, being disrespectful of his parents and siblings, lying about many, many things… a tough situation. My question is this: My dear friend has stated several times to me that she believes that it is a parent’s “responsibility” to see that his/her children get “into heaven.” She is tortured by her son’s behavior because of this belief. She is truly a wonderful, involved, loving parent, but is consumed with guilt and grief that she is doing something wrong. I have raised 2 children to adulthood and am amazed at what a wonderful parent she is. SO… is it the Catholic belief that a parent is ultimately responsible for seeing that their children enter Heaven? And how does this square with “free will”? I thought that the parent’s job is to give the child the tools they need to live a good life and to direct them toward the right decisions (which she has most certainly done), but that it ultimately is the responsibility of the person him/herself to use the tools given. Thanks to any and all who read this post. I am so grateful for any help you can give me with this.
 
nannyg118 said:
I am new to the forums today. I hope someone out there will be able to help me, and that I am in the right forum for this question.
I am not Catholic, but my dearest friend is a wonderful, faithful Catholic- a daily Communicant, a Eucharistic Minister, basically the finest person I know. Her family (husband and 3 children) are equally involved. She has a teenage son who is giving her a very hard time- behaving badly in school, being disrespectful of his parents and siblings, lying about many, many things… a tough situation. My question is this: My dear friend has stated several times to me that she believes that it is a parent’s “responsibility” to see that his/her children get “into heaven.” She is tortured by her son’s behavior because of this belief. She is truly a wonderful, involved, loving parent, but is consumed with guilt and grief that she is doing something wrong. I have raised 2 children to adulthood and am amazed at what a wonderful parent she is. SO… is it the Catholic belief that a parent is ultimately responsible for seeing that their children enter Heaven? And how does this square with “free will”? I thought that the parent’s job is to give the child the tools they need to live a good life and to direct them toward the right decisions (which she has most certainly done), but that it ultimately is the responsibility of the person him/herself to use the tools given. Thanks to any and all who read this post. I am so grateful for any help you can give me with this.
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Welcom to the forums.

I am the father of six. I believe I am responsible for a number of things related my childrens’ salvation. However, I am not responsible for their ultimate decision regarding their salvation, if I have fulfilled my responsibilities as a parent. They can, and have, rejected my guidance.
  • As a Catholic I am responsible for getting them baptised and teaching them the faith.
  • I am responsible for providing a loving home life in which they can grow and mature that faith.
  • I am responsible for demonstrating Christ’s love by loving my wife.
    I could go on, but I hope you see the pattern.
 
David,
Thanks so much for your response. What you have said makes perfect sense to me.
This may seem to be a totally ridiculous question, but is there somewhere that these parental responsibilities are specifically enumerated (a Papal statement or something like that)? I guess what I mean is, is there some sort of formal statement of a parent’s responsibilities with regard to their children’s salvation that could be found in print? Or is it less formal and more subjective than that?
Thank you for your help.
Nannyg
 
nannyg118 said:
David,
Thanks so much for your response. What you have said makes perfect sense to me.
This may seem to be a totally ridiculous question, but is there somewhere that these parental responsibilities are specifically enumerated (a Papal statement or something like that)? I guess what I mean is, is there some sort of formal statement of a parent’s responsibilities with regard to their children’s salvation that could be found in print? Or is it less formal and more subjective than that?
Thank you for your help.
Nannyg
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Two places that explicitly state some of these responsibilities are the Baptismal and Marriage rites. I don’t have ready access to either so I cannot quote them.

From the Catechism article 1251:
Christian parents will recognize that this practice also accords with their role as nurturers of the life that God has entrusted to them.
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From the Catechism article 1255:
For the grace of Baptism to unfold, the parents’ help is important
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From the Catechism article 1652:
“By its very nature the institution of marriage and married love is ordered to the procreation and education of the offspring and it is in them that it finds its crowning glory.”
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There are whole sections in Pope John Paul II’ Apostolic Exhoration Familaris Consortio, devoted to the role of parents with respect to their children.

Regards,
 
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