Children and Marriage?

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Carlyy

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(Sorry about my last post! It got taken down. Thank you to everyone who helped me with that!)-- Is it a sin to not have children once you’re married? In the future, I’m not planning on having children. I’ve read that once you’re married, you must have children because we were made to reproduce (or something similar to that), and that if you don’t want children, it’s better to not get married.
Is this true?? Do I have to marry/date someone who is also Catholic or else it’s considered a sin?

Thank you
-Carlyy
 
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Carlyy said:
Is it a sin to not have children once you’re married?
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You aren’t asking the right question.

The right question is, can I get married validly with a permanent intention against children? The short answer to that is no. The long answer is, you need to discuss this with your pastor and seek guidance.

A few words here of “I don’t want children” aren’t really enough to draw conclusions, nor is this really the place to have that conversation.
Carlyy said:
Do I have to marry/date someone who is also Catholic or else it’s considered a sin?
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Hmmm. You don’t seem to know much about the faith. Are you new to Catholicism? How old are you? Have you been to faith formation?

It is prudent to marry someone who shares your beliefs and practice of the faith. The Church requires Catholics considering marrying a non-Catholic to receive extra counsel on the difficulties, and permission for mixed marriage or dispensation if the person is unbaptized. It’s a serious matter, and should be discussed with your pastor and/or your parents.
 
No, it’s not that you must have children. It is that you must be prepared to love and care for any children that are given to you, preferably with joy. Children are not the sole purpose of marriage, but they are inextricably linked with it.

Look at it this way. Marriage is a sacramental connection of overflowing, reciprocal love. Children are one of the results of that overflow. If you go into marriage intending to never love to that degree, you go into marriage intending to never be married.

You can time the marital act so that children are extremely unlikely. You can even do so for indefinite periods of time. But if you reject the idea of motherhood and fatherhood entirely, you reject marriage.

As for who you have to date or marry, I’ve known plenty of Catholics who dated and married non-Catholics. There are just special forms to fill out so the Church can make sure the marriage is sacramental and you will have to promise that you (you specifically, not them) will do your best to raise any children Catholic.
 
Well, I’d say something like we could get a pet? Haha, but I’d talk it out with them. I’m not sure.
 
Keep in mind, marriage is not simply a thing you do. Marriage should be a vocation; a life God has to call you to. He may yet do that. He may call you to a different vocation. Keep yourself open to that call, whatever it turns out to be.
 
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Well that is not a real way to perceive a marriage. This must be discerned. One spouse should not just tell the other to get a pet. The entire purpose of marriage is procreation from a theological standpoint. That does not mean that every one has to have kids, but it does mean that being against children shows a deficiency in the marriage. And a marriage is a team. You making a “my body my choice” statement within a marriage is selfish and in no way Holy.
 
Carlyy said:
I guess it’s a better choice if I don’t get married (based off what I read on that). Although this hurts me a bit now, I’m sure I’ll be fine.
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Carlyy, don’t take this wrong, but from the way you’re approaching this whole issue, I’m guessing you’re pretty young and a long way from discerning actual marriage to someone you love.

I would suggest that you read some Catholic articles or watch some Fr. Mike videos on Catholic marriage so you have a better understanding of Catholic teaching on marriage and children.

Having said that, if you’re not prepared to welcome any children that God may send you in a marriage, then don’t get married.

Also, as someone to whom God didn’t send any children and who has always had many pets, pets aren’t substitutes for children and shouldn’t be regarded that way.
 
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Yes, if you know you dont want kids right now, dont pursue a relationship right now.

If you develop a relationship and love a man, it may give you a new perspective and confidence about being a family together.

You dont need to feel like you have to make a permanent decision right now, of whether or not you will want children.

Just dont pursue a husband, and if one is pursuing you, be honest and enjoy the friendship while not leading him to believe you are considering marriage.
 
Tis_Bearself said:
Also, as someone to whom God didn’t send any children and who has always had many pets, pets aren’t substitutes for children and shouldn’t be regarded that way.
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Ditto. I’m thankful God chose to send me children, and I also had several beloved animal friends over the course of my life. But children and pets are in two very different categories, and are not comparable at all. I can’t help cringing when people act like pets are adequate substitutes for children. The two aren’t even close.
 
Psalm30 said:
I can’t help cringing when people act like pets are adequate substitutes for children. The two aren’t even close.
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I saw a program where people go and see if they want to live in a different country and this woman said she loves/most important are her horses the most, then her dogs, then her children and then her husband. How depressing.
 
Oh, another thought, could I just date someone and not get married? I mean, I could even get a fake marriage. That seems like a good idea.
 
Carlyy said:
Oh, another thought, could I just date someone and not get married?
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Dating indefinitely isn’t really what most people would have in mind, and it could lead to sinful acts.
Carlyy said:
mean, I could even get a fake marriage. That seems like a good idea.
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What exactly do you mean by fake marriage, and what makes you think it’s a good idea?
 
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