Children are blessings?

[PaulinVA]

Things do happen for a reason. It doesn’t mean we always understand that reason. At least not on this side of heaven.

As I said, this is not true. God is not a puppetmaster who is pulling the strings on all of us. You can not believe in free will and believe that God directs every action of every person and everything “happens for a reason” since some things happen to us due to the interaction with others who are exercising their free will.

Romans 8:28 says that: “We know that all things work for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose.” Good can come out of anything, but everything is not directed by God.

A lot of life is happenstance, is random interactions.

 

[EasterJoy]

But, you have to address the question, blessed by whom?

I prefer fortunate instead of blessed, because “blessed” implies that someone (God) did the blessing. If that’s the case, others weren’t blessed by God and that leaves us with a difficult question as to why.

Well, of course it is blessed by God! You don’t get human beings into your life off a roulette wheel!

As to the why…well, why choose David and not his older brothers? What was wrong with them? Why did Hannah only get a son after such a long wait, and then a son she knew belonged to God? Why are some of us chosen for this and others for that?

What ought to be noticed about women in the Bible is that many favorites show up with no reference to any children. Were Mary or Martha even married? What about the prophetess Anna? She was almost certainly childless. Tabitha probably had no children and no husband (Acts 9:36-42). There is no indication that Joanna and her husband, Cuza the steward, had any children. Priscilla and Aquilla are not mentioned as having a family.

The thing to notice is that the Bible only finds childlessness something to remark upon when the story is going to be about an older couple having a child. As far as I am aware, there aren’t any stories in which some evil woman is denied the joy of motherhood because God is punishing her. There are instances where a child with an irregular background is chosen for the special role…for instance, Perez in the line of David, whose mother was Tamar. David gained Bathsheba to be his wife by illicit means, and yet she bore Solomon. Generally speaking, however, the blessing of parenthood is just that, a free gift, not indicating that the parents deserved the blessings they are responsible for.

If you are a prophet, that is a gift, a blessing, and you are meant to handle that with an attitude of selflessness. If you are not a prophet, however, that doesn’t mean you have been cursed or left out or punished. Some are given this gift, and another one, that gift.

Children ought to be seen as blessings because as human beings they are made in the image and likeness of God. To be included in the procreation of a child is to have been included in the work of God. Even if you gained that position by questionable means, the dignity of the child still sanctifies your place as a parent! If you are included in the circle of those responsible to care for a child, you have been given a sacred duty. It is not about you, though. It is about the great dignity of the child as a human being.

 

[PaulinVA]

Well, of course it is blessed by God! You don’t get human beings into your life off a roulette wheel!

No, you act as a co-creator with God. You cooperate with His biology, and if everything goes right, you conceive a baby and God does the ensoulment. That is how we are co-creators. He seems to mostly follow His rules of fertility.

Some people, for whatever reason, don’t have the ability for all the pieces to come together correctly. You could say it’s part of the fall, but however you look at it, we are all broken in some way.

 

[EasterJoy]

No, you act as a co-creator with God. You cooperate with His biology, and if everything goes right, you conceive a baby and God does the ensoulment. That is how we are co-creators. He seems to mostly follow His rules of fertility.

Some people, for whatever reason, don’t have the ability for all the pieces to come together correctly. You could say it’s part of the fall, but however you look at it, we are all broken in some way.

Let’s be very clear: a couple who never succeeded in their attempts to conceive aren’t “broken.” They are not cursed, not passed over, not found wanting, not exhibiting the effects of the Fall compared to those who do have children. When the baptized faithfully serve the Lord whether or not the Lord asks them to do the sacred work they would like to do most, they have every hope to enjoy the Beatific Vision. That is the blessing to keep our eyes on. Nothing else matters.

After all, do those of us called to baptism or parenthood have anything to boast about?
Bear one another’s burdens, and so you will fulfill the law of Christ.
For if anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he is deluding himself.. Gal. 6:2-3

Now you are Christ’s body, and individually parts of it. Some people God has designated in the church to be, first, apostles; second, prophets; third, teachers; then, mighty deeds; then, gifts of healing, assistance, administration, and varieties of tongues. Are all apostles? Are all prophets? Are all teachers? Do all work mighty deeds? Do all have gifts of healing? Do all speak in tongues? Do all interpret? Strive eagerly for the greatest spiritual gifts. 1 Cor. 12:27-31

To become a parent is to be given a sacred duty, just as surely as if one is made a prophet or is given the gift of healing. These gifts from God are a blessing. They are not earned, they are nothing to boast about, and it is no comment on someone’s fidelity to God when the person is not given some blessing or other that they had hoped for. There is nothing more wrong with a couple who had hoped to become parents and did not than there is when a young man generously goes to seminary and finds he does not have a vocation to the priesthood. We give thanks at an ordination, we give thanks at a birth, but there is no reason to believe that either the man who is not chosen to be a priest or the married couple not chosen to be parents have anything wrong with them or were in any way “rejected” by God.

This is a very important truth to reiterate. To be given the blessing of a child is to have been entrusted with a sacred duty, not given ownership of a person for our comfort and enjoyment, let alone rewarded for some merit of our own. This is as true as if one had been given the gift of a call to the priesthood. The ones who receive these blessings have nothing to boast about, but rather have a role to carry out with dutiful care. There is no reason to believe that those given other avenues of service will not still be granted the greater crown of merit, if they remain faithful in spite of their disappointment and the trial of going without the comforts that can go with our duties on earth.

 

[KendraDZ1902]

Let’s be very clear: a couple who never succeeded in their attempts to conceive aren’t “broken.” They are not cursed, not passed over, not found wanting, not exhibiting the effects of the Fall compared to those who do have children. When the baptized faithfully serve the Lord whether or not the Lord asks them to do the sacred work they would like to do most, they have every hope to enjoy the Beatific Vision. That is the blessing to keep our eyes on. Nothing else matters.

.

They are definitely broken in the sense that their reproductive organs obviously do not function properly.

 

[alphawoman]

They are definitely broken in the sense that their reproductive organs obviously do not function properly.

That’s definitely true. But the physical inability isn’t a comment on your interior “worthiness”. Think of John 9:3:

biblehub.com/john/9-3.htm

There is some facet by which you are giving greater glory to God and participating in salvation through your infertility than had you had children. As someone struggling with serious personal trials, I’m deeply sympathetic to the feelings of having lost something to which I feel I have a rightful claim. I completely appreciate your feeling of loss, and I’m sorry for what you’ve experienced.

Please be assured of my prayers. I would recommend offering any suffering to God, as you never know what underlying spiritual value your trials are generating. It’s my personal opinion that the salvia nature of suffering is directly linked to the intensity of suffering, so it makes sense that losing that which is most important to us is of the most redemptive value. Perhaps you are preternaturally capable of love, and that is why this particular cross has been given to you.

 

[PaulinVA]

Let’s be very clear: a couple who never succeeded in their attempts to conceive aren’t “broken.” They are not cursed, not passed over, not found wanting, not exhibiting the effects of the Fall compared to those who do have children. When the baptized faithfully serve the Lord whether or not the Lord asks them to do the sacred work they would like to do most, they have every hope to enjoy the Beatific Vision. That is the blessing to keep our eyes on. Nothing else matters.

Why is being broken a problem? It’s not meant broken as a pejorative. We are all broken, in the sense that, as Jesus said when talking about marriage and divorce, this is not how it was intended.

When we are in the womb, sometimes the cells don’t come together absolutely perfectly. There are intersexed people, people who are blind, people with birth defects. There are people with lifelong emotional or mental issues. “Broken” might not be the right word, but right out of the box some people have issues. The issues aren’t the person’s fault. They aren’t a curse. It isn’t an indication that God doesn’t love them. It just is.

 

[ThyKingdomCome]

Yes, I agree with Paul. We are all broken in one way or another. In the sense that the infertile couple’s bodies are not able to bear children as our bodies were made to do, there certainly is a brokenness, biologically. And I imagine it is one of the more emotionally difficult forms of brokenness to deal with. BECAUSE children are blessings, in more than one way. Yes, I think that when one finds themselves pregnant, or has given birth, they have received an amazing gift from God. And the creation of a baby from the love of spouses is a blessing. But the other way that children are blessings are the effect they have on the lives of their parents/siblings. I do look at my kids and think that they are wonderful blessings to me, not just by God allowing them to be created and born, but by who they are etc… I think it is really hard to want that blessing and not have it, and so the brokenness of infertility really stings.

But a lack of a particular blessing does not mean that God loves or approves of a person less, and it does not mean that there is a lack of all blessings. There are many, many other blessings than children. Infertility is a cross to bear - but bearing a cross is not a sign of lack of God’s love, or a sign of inferiority, or of a lesser standing in God’s eyes. Some would say the opposite is true, but I would just say that we simply can’t measure our standing based on earthly crosses and blessings - these are not judgments that are ours to make and we know that God’s measures are not our measures.

I can relate to various crosses and my “lack of blessings” in a variety of areas, and it is impossible to see the situations as fair. For example, why do I and some of my kids have such a hard time socially, when other people seem to be constantly surrounded by friends who love and adore them and would do anything for them? I’m not going to compare this cross to the cross of infertility, but the principles remain the same - I still have to recognize that those people ARE blessed with the wonderful friends and social lives that they have, and that my not being blessed in that way is not a punishment or a statement of lesser worth to God. I recognize that there is some brokenness in me that is part of this cross, but that doesn’t make me “less-than”, and doesn’t make the popular person less blessed. It is hard to believe sometimes, but I know it to be true, and remind myself of that when I feel bitter.

However, I also agree that it isn’t a great idea to regularly tell people how blessed we are. Even if it is true that we are experiencing certain blessings, it comes off as insensitive and bragging, and it can really be hurtful. I do try to distance myself from people who are like that - because I would rather focus on the blessings that I do have than focus on the people who brag about the blessings I don’t have. So I guess that’s the other thing - can we recognize the less obvious blessings in our lives? Do our crosses come with blessings also?

 

[EasterJoy]

Why is being broken a problem? It’s not meant broken as a pejorative. We are all broken, in the sense that, as Jesus said when talking about marriage and divorce, this is not how it was intended.

When we are in the womb, sometimes the cells don’t come together absolutely perfectly. There are intersexed people, people who are blind, people with birth defects. There are people with lifelong emotional or mental issues. “Broken” might not be the right word, but right out of the box some people have issues. The issues aren’t the person’s fault. They aren’t a curse. It isn’t an indication that God doesn’t love them. It just is.

Let me clarify: I was referring to the marriage, not saying that married persons could not objectively be described as suffering from a physical disease or an injury that has made the couple infertile.

I mean I would not use “broken” to describe a marriage that does not produce children, that’s all. If the marriage is open to children and to the will of God, that is wholesome and praiseworthy, even if the blessing of children does not follow as a result of their generosity and fidelity to their vocation. Certainly, they are still have every opportunity to serve as a model of Christian marriage.

 

[PaulinVA]

Let me clarify: I was referring to the marriage, not saying that married persons could not objectively be described as suffering from a physical disease or an injury that has made the couple infertile.

I mean I would not use “broken” to describe a marriage that does not produce children, that’s all. If the marriage is open to children and to the will of God, that is wholesome and praiseworthy, even if the blessing of children does not follow as a result of their generosity and fidelity to their vocation. Certainly, they are still have every opportunity to serve as a model of Christian marriage.

Great! We’re good.