Children do not always attend Mass with me

[Steveabrous]

Hi, I am a Catholic man married to a Protestant woman. We have two children together who are being raised, primarily, Catholic though we attend both churches. We rotate Sundays between her church and the Catholic church. On the weekends that belong to her I find an alternate Mass time that doesn’t coincide with her church service so I never miss Mass because of this arrangement. However, My two children who are 13, have a busy, active schedule and sometimes its hard to find a Mass time that doesn’t interfere with prior obligations. So, occasionaly they miss mass. This happens to be one of those weekends were the mass time that’s available for me to go is not doable for them. My question is how does this situation fall into the Sunday obligation for them? at what age are they held accountable for missing Mass, and am I sinning by not making them go no matter what the prior commitment is?

 

[1ke]

Hi, I am a Catholic man married to a Protestant woman. We have two children together who are being raised, primarily, Catholic though we attend both churches.

What does it mean to be “primarily Catholic”? If they are baptized Catholic, they are Catholic. If they are baptized in her church they are not Catholics.

If they are Catholics over the age of reason, they are bound by the laws of the Church and that includes attendance at Mass on Sundays and all Holy Days. Thirteen is WAY over the age of reason.

My question is how does this situation fall into the Sunday obligation for them?

They have an obligation to attend Mass on all Sundays and Holy Days, presuming they were baptized into the Church. I would also presume they have made their First Communion and are in religious education and preparing for Confirmation at the appropriate age?

at what age are they held accountable for missing Mass,

The age of reason, approximately between age 7 and 8.

and am I sinning by not making them go no matter what the prior commitment is?

Yes. You have a grave obligation to get the to Mass. If you were unaware of this responsibility and the age at which they were obligated to attend Mass, then your culpability is diminished. Now that you know, you need to see to it they attend every week and on Holy Days.

 

[fastenatingguy]

Hi, I am a Catholic man married to a Protestant woman. We have two children together who are being raised, primarily, Catholic though we attend both churches. We rotate Sundays between her church and the Catholic church. On the weekends that belong to her I find an alternate Mass time that doesn’t coincide with her church service so I never miss Mass because of this arrangement. However, My two children who are 13, have a busy, active schedule and sometimes its hard to find a Mass time that doesn’t interfere with prior obligations. So, occasionaly they miss mass. This happens to be one of those weekends were the mass time that’s available for me to go is not doable for them. My question is how does this situation fall into the Sunday obligation for them? at what age are they held accountable for missing Mass, and am I sinning by not making them go no matter what the prior commitment is?

As I instruct my 8th graders (13 and 14 year olds), "it is up to you to get to Mass every Sunday, and that means ANY Catholic Mass nearby. Since we are in Chicago, you can walk a mile in any direction and find another Catholic Church.

www.masstimes.org is your friend!

 

[Corki]

As I instruct my 8th graders (13 and 14 year olds), "it is up to you to get to Mass every Sunday, and that means ANY Catholic Mass nearby. Since we are in Chicago, you can walk a mile in any direction and find another Catholic Church.

www.masstimes.org is your friend!

8th graders get it.

I subbed 8th grade last week and we were talking about the precepts of the Church. Our Church is in a rural location and not walking distance from anyone. So, I was saying that since they obviously couldn’t walk, their obligation was contingent on getting a ride to Mass if their parents couldn’t take them. One boy piped up with, “then you should ride your bike”. Can’t argue with that.

 

[bardegaulois]

“However, My two children who are 13, have a busy, active schedule and sometimes its hard to find a Mass time that doesn’t interfere with prior obligations…”

I think you have your priorities reversed. Mass IS their prior obligation on Sundays and Holy Days. Not baseball practice. Not dance class. Mass. Third Commandment, my friend.

God bless.

 

[Blessedwithfive]

Wow! Cool church. I am in Connecticut and teach fifth, ninth and tenth grades in CCD. I was just repremenaded for teaching the ninth grade class that missing mass was a mortal sin. It seems in our church that teaching missing mass as a sin is “off putting” to some and is discouraged. I had no idea that the kids, much less the parents, didn’t know that missing mass was a grave sin. I will now be homeschooling my ninth grader so I can teach the real rules and guidelines of the church. I am extremely disappointed in the church and I feel strongly that I was teaching the real laws of the church. While I will never leave the Catholic Church, I am disappointed in my church. I may leave the CCD program. (Or be forced out). I really believe that we are doing a disservice to the children and parents by not informing them Roman Catholic stance on church attendance. Being a Cathoilc is not easy, but I do believe it is the real church.
By the way, some of the parents that didn’t know that missing Mass was a grave sin were also CCD teachers. They felt going to mass was more of a guideline but not required.

 

[Steveabrous]

Ok, thanks for your responses. I always figured the age Of reason was 14 since That’s the age they are obligated to observe lent. So here is my next delima. Next weekend is a dance competition in Kansas city 3 hours away for my son, and my daughter has a speech tournament here the same day.My wife and I decided I will take my son to KC and she will stay with my daughter. We will make mass in KC but we won’t be back till late Sunday night. So my daughter will miss mass again since I can’t be in two places at once. Should I discuss this with my priest prior and get dispensation for her?

 

[1ke]

Should I discuss this with my priest prior and get dispensation for her?

That is one option.

Alternately, your wife can take her to Mass and drop her off/pick her up or she can ride with another family. There is time to plan since it isn’t until next weekend.

 

[Corki]

Ok, thanks for your responses. I always figured the age Of reason was 14 since That’s the age they are obligated to observe lent. So here is my next delima. Next weekend is a dance competition in Kansas city 3 hours away for my son, and my daughter has a speech tournament here the same day.My wife and I decided I will take my son to KC and she will stay with my daughter. We will make mass in KC but we won’t be back till late Sunday night. So my daughter will miss mass again since I can’t be in two places at once. Should I discuss this with my priest prior and get dispensation for her?

Another option would be to reach out to the parish’s DRE. At our parish, since there is a lot of emphasis during religious ed classes on Mass attendance for teens, if someone needs a ride, we can almost always find a family that lives nearby. Your daughter might even know someone from her class that she can ask.

 

[Steveabrous]

That is one option.

Alternately, your wife can take her to Mass and drop her off/pick her up or she can ride with another family. There is time to plan since it isn’t until next weekend.

She’s Disabled so the only real option is if my wife is willing to take her

 

[1ke]

She’s Disabled so the only real option is if my wife is willing to take her

Talk to your pastor, you can only do what you can do.

 

[jmcrae]

Hi, I am a Catholic man married to a Protestant woman. We have two children together who are being raised, primarily, Catholic though we attend both churches. We rotate Sundays between her church and the Catholic church. On the weekends that belong to her I find an alternate Mass time that doesn’t coincide with her church service so I never miss Mass because of this arrangement. However, My two children who are 13, have a busy, active schedule and sometimes its hard to find a Mass time that doesn’t interfere with prior obligations. So, occasionaly they miss mass. This happens to be one of those weekends were the mass time that’s available for me to go is not doable for them. My question is how does this situation fall into the Sunday obligation for them? at what age are they held accountable for missing Mass, and am I sinning by not making them go no matter what the prior commitment is?

I underscored and bolded the phrase “prior obligations” because it signifies a very common attitude in today’s society - that something else is of greater importance than Holy Mass, for whatever reason.

Their first (“prior” means “first”) obligation is to their Creator, without Whom they would not exist at all. As Catholics, our Creator asks of us one hour of thanksgiving and adoration at Mass on Sundays. This is a non-negotiable debt that is owed to Him.

Everything else comes in second place, and is less important.

Exceptions would be, if someone is in danger of dying and your child is the only one who can save them, or if there is a small child, or a sick person, or an elderly person in need of care, and your child is the only available care-giver.

 

[fastenatingguy]

Wow! Cool church. I am in Connecticut and teach fifth, ninth and tenth grades in CCD. I was just repremenaded for teaching the ninth grade class that missing mass was a mortal sin. It seems in our church that teaching missing mass as a sin is “off putting” to some and is discouraged. I had no idea that the kids, much less the parents, didn’t know that missing mass was a grave sin. I will now be homeschooling my ninth grader so I can teach the real rules and guidelines of the church. I am extremely disappointed in the church and I feel strongly that I was teaching the real laws of the church. While I will never leave the Catholic Church, I am disappointed in my church. I may leave the CCD program. (Or be forced out). I really believe that we are doing a disservice to the children and parents by not informing them Roman Catholic stance on church attendance. Being a Cathoilc is not easy, but I do believe it is the real church.
By the way, some of the parents that didn’t know that missing Mass was a grave sin were also CCD teachers. They felt going to mass was more of a guideline but not required.

Unfortunately, your parish is not unique in this error. We need to get more committed adults to understand and communicate accurate Church teaching to our children–and THEIR parents. There is an initiative in the Chicago Archdiocese that I just learned about called Strong Catholic Families. We just had the initial meeting at our parish a few weeks ago and I am interested in actively participating. Anyone have experience with this program?