Children in Mass

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Dan_Goebel

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Good day -

My wife and I have a 10 month and a 2 yr old. When we take either or both of the children with us to Mass we are distracted and I feel we are distracting others. I know we are not there for oursleves, but to give glory to God, however, am I giving God glory by having to keep our children quiet and entertained instead of listening to the readings and actively participating in Mass?

Thank you and a blessed Advent season to all.
 
For a few years your children will be a distraction, there’s little doubt of that. But, go with them anyway and don’t worry about how much attention you can give or what others around you think. Just being there, willing to assist, is all that God requires when you have to deal with little ones. I’m sure the One who said, “Suffer the little children to come unto to me and forbid them not for of such is the kingdom of heaven” understands the sacrifice it takes to bring them to Mass. Enjoy your time with your young children because before you know it they will be grown ups who will be grateful you took them with you to absorb the sights, sounds, smells and experience of the Mass and the prayer life they began with you.
 
Dan Goebel:
My wife and I have a 10 month and a 2 yr old. When we take either or both of the children with us to Mass we are distracted and I feel we are distracting others. I know we are not there for oursleves, but to give glory to God, however, am I giving God glory by having to keep our children quiet and entertained instead of listening to the readings and actively participating in Mass?
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These are rough ages, but it will pay off if you continue to bring them to Mass. Eventually, their behavior will get better and it will be easier having started the way you want to proceed.
You may be distracting to others at times, but unless the fellow is screaming I wouldn’t worry too much. (In other words, normal infant or toddler “noise” is okay.) Usually the parents are more aware of it than the others. After all, the othera supposed to be pretty busy themselves.
Of course you may distracted yourself, but I’m sure the Lord is aware you’ve brought Him a little one to visit His house and will understand. He may even be sending you graces you are not yet aware of to help you.
 
As a deacon (and, therefore, an occasional preacher) I don’t mind children at Mass at all. In fact, I’ve worked them into my homily more than once. Bring them. Expose them to the reality of God (you’d be surprised what they see and understand).

Deacon Ed
 
Without a doubt, bring your children. Whether or not they are restless, it is a glorious thing to see entire families at Mass. While it may be a struggle, it is “good” suffering.

If you still feel you have “missed out” on the readings or whatever it may be, read a missal either before or afterward so you can be more familiar with what was read and said.
 
Definitely! Keep bringing them. The distractions you endure are for the teaching of your children: teaching them to sit still, pay attention. Or just holding them to keep them quiet and happy. This is your Mass during these years. A family with 3 children sits across the aisle from us most Sundays. There are two “tame” little girls and a rowdy little boy. Every now and then Connor “escapes” and Mom or Dad has to chase him up the aisle.

THEY are the saints. Not us old fogeys prayerfully pondering our missals. Those parents wrangling a handfull of toddlers get my vote every time. (Not those parents who allow their toddlers to act like hooligans – those parents who devote their Mass to managing their brood.) God bless you!

If I had a nickel for every mile I clocked walking my fussy baby around the outside of the church during Mass, I’d be rich. BTW, it is NOT considered missing Mass when child management takes you out . . . .
 
Bring them and sit in Front. I have 4 children all of them were at mass the first sunday after they were born. My second child went to Mass 2 days after he was born. We have always sat within the front few pews. The reasons for sitting in front…I can guarantee you that they will focus more on whats going on in front (the altar) also if you are in the front they wont be bothering anyone in front of you with the exception of those in the sanctuary. Children are much much quieter when you sit in front. even at a young age. Don’t bring food and DONT bring toys. We bring religious childrens books and a pencil and paper for emergencies. In 5 years when your children are old enough to follow along you will appreciate mass that much more for yourself. If you must attend another mass by yourself in ADDITION to the one you go to as a family. This is not neccessary but sometimes if things are quiet at home…I slip out on saturday afternoon for by myself then go as usual with my family on SUnday morning. Remember SIT IN FRONT and NO TOYS OR CHEERIOS. One last thing… I have found with my kids that a big hearty breakfast with as little sugar as possible keeps them noticeably quieter in MASS. You know eggs bacon toast…milk. Of course the Eucharistic fast must be ovserved by you and your wife and any kids you have who recieve. Just my two cents worth. For those of you who think I am too rigid about the food thing…I do admit that my infants got a bottle in Mass but I mean when they become toddlers. My theory is they should be eating a adequate breakfast. My kids NEVER got “treats” at Mass. Giving a Kid food to calm them down is promoting comfort eating. Trust me those of you with eating disorders Know what comfort food is. I believe that using food to calm a Non-hungry kid down is asking for problems later in life.
 
Great advice decn2b, especially about the Cheerios! This past Sunday a family sat in front of me, the little boy had a back pack with him, in it contained several Ziplock bags of things to eat and a thermos of something to drink. Now, this kid had to be at least 6 years old. He kept getting on his knees on the pew while turned around with the Ziploc bag in hand, it was so distracting and sad on many different levels.

As for children being at Mass I’m kind of torn. On the one hand its wonderful they are there being exposed to all the beauty of the Mass. On the other hand they can be quite distracting to the people around them (i.e. Ziploc boy…lol). I must say the majority of the children at my parish are so well behaved (but then again most of them are older, meaning 6 or 7).

Even though I’m not a parent, if I was one and my child was distracting others during Mass I would immediately take him or her out as its not fair to those around them. I would take my child to Mass but I wouldn’t be prepared to sit through the whole service.
 
unless there is a medical reason, any toddler can go for an hour without cheerios and juice. an infant may need to nurse and any nursing mom knows how to do this discretely in public, although it is an act of charity to provide a private place for nursing moms.

this is the Catholic Church, we encourage couples to be welcome to new life and to accept all the children God sends them. That applies to the entire Church. Babies and children are part of the Church and belong in the assembly. Parishioners, get over it.

Parents, do your best to train them, if it is easier on you, the child and those around you take them outside for a while, but don’t make outside more pleasant than inside. if for few months (when the child is around 16 months old to about 2 1/2 seems to be the worst time), take turns babysitting at home so the other can at least enjoy Mass once in a while.

I can always tell the children who have been coming to Mass since a young age, and those who have not been to Mass until starting CCD. the preschool years are teachable years, abounding in “catechetical moments” so make use of them.
 
You should certainly keep bringing them. The Mass has an affect on all baptized souls. Its for their benefit.
 
I second the motion! Keep bringing your children to mass. They learn and develop good habits just as easily as bad ones. They learn so much more when they are there. At one of our masses, you can hear even some of the little ones saying the prayers aloud…I love one of the littllest ones will sing the Alleluia just a little slower than the rest and it brings such warmth to the whole congregation when we hear her chant. God will be smiling! I guarantee it!
 
My daughter 7 has been coming to mass with us since she was born and, for the most part, she has not been a “distraction.”

My son, on the other hand, has a very difficult time sitting still, keeping quiet, etc… for the entire mass; he just turned 5. We started bringing him from birth but long about 2 years, we started putting him in the nursery.

Our decision to put him in the nursery was based less on how his behavior was a distraction to others and more about what we believed was best for him. We felt we were forcing him to endure something he didn’t understand and wondered if, in the long run, he would resent going to mass rather than embrace the experience. By “understand” I mean, from a child’s view, he apparently could not comprehend any benefit to sitting still and staying quiet for an hour; he did not understand what it meant to be a “distraction”. My daughter did seem to appreciate the ceremony, music, smells, candles, etc…which, must have been enough for her to sit still.

I’m not an expert in parenting but I would make your decision based on the individual child. If there is one thing I have learned when it comes to kids, one-size does not fit all.

My wife and I do believe that children have a great and often overlooked capacity for spirituality. Our parish is blessed with a wonderful “Good Shepherd” program that both kids have been in since day one and we are often amazed at what they soak up from this experience. We also try to make time at home for catechesis.

Starting about 2 months ago, we started bringing our son to every mass. He still has his moments but is making progress.
 
Yep, bring them.

When they are infants and prone to, well, making LOTS of noise, then maybe sit toward the back out of courtesy (to be able to move to the foyer/vestibule if need be for a calming down). If others around you get “upset” at having a child making noise, maybe they should move up front themselves 😛 . Just do the best you can (it sounds as if you are doing fine). After the kids get older, bring them up front! That way they can see what is going on at the altar and become part of the mass.

Of course, YMMV, so adapt as need be.

SG257
 
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stargazer257:
When they are infants and prone to, well, making LOTS of noise, then maybe sit toward the back out of courtesy (to be able to move to the foyer/vestibule if need be for a calming down). If others around you get “upset” at having a child making noise, maybe they should move up front themselves 😛 .
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:rotfl:

Amen to this!
I have no problem with noisy babies at church.
I have a huge problem with parents who, pack a picnic lunch, bring video games and most of all, constantly shush the child instead of realizing it is time to walk to the back.

A few weeks ago, we had a family behind us. We sit in the first row for the kiddies to see the Altar. They had a baby and a two year old. The baby started to fuss. No problem. The baby continued to fuss, mom walked back to the cry room.
The rest of the mass, the two year old continued to ask in an outside voice, “Where’s MOMMY?” Dad would shush and basically ignore him.

Um, Dad. Please take the child to the CRY ROOM with MOMMY!!!

God knows that you have done your best by coming with kids. If you walk out early, I am confident, He knows you tried.

Also I might suggest buying a missal to read at home and watching the EWTN mass in addition to your attendance. You will get tons out of them.
 
Don’t worry about the kids making noise. I, for one, will not remove my child from Church unless it’s a full on screaming fit.

I wouldn’t use a crying room either. Just me. My Church doesn’t have one, so it’s easy not to use it!

I do have to say the hardest part is not saying something to people who give me looks when one of my children makes a little noise. I actually had one lady tell me that I was rude to not take my children out of Mass. She actually** insisted** that I refrain from bringing them in the future. I told her that I was not aware that this was a Church for perfect people, and could she please direct me to the nearest sinners only Church. She just left. A little smart mouth? Yeah, and I enjoyed it very much! 😃
 
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pira114:
Don’t worry about the kids making noise. I, for one, will not remove my child from Church unless it’s a full on screaming fit.
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I’m sorry pira, but that seems like very selfish behavior on your part.

To wait for a child to have a full on screaming fit is unkind to the child and to the people who come to mass who are sitting around you.

What is wrong with taking your child out of mass before he gets out of control, just to let him move around, and bring him back to your seat in a few minutes? Even if you have to take your child out multiple times, what’s wrong with that? Young children cannot be expected to sit quietly for an hour. It’s not fair to them.

I also think the woman who insisted you refrain from bringing your children in the future was out of line and very rude to you.

Your behavior and her behavior were 2 wrongs. And you know 2 wrongs don’t make a right.
 
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newf:
To wait for a child to have a full on screaming fit is unkind to the child and to the people who come to mass who are sitting around you.
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In my mind, it’s where the child is sitting and the attitude of the parents.
Some parents have a REALLY high tolerance for their kids behavior. If your child is upset, kicking or not using “inside voices” it is time to walk them to the back to have a little talk. Hold them, don’t let them run around, or find a chair and have them sit. They will learn that they would rather be in the main with St. Joseph picture books than sitting in a chair.
Also, I cut slack to those parents that sit in the back with toddlers. They are at least trying.

Those who sit up front, need to understand that we sit there for a reason. I have no problem with a parent who is trying. I do have a problem with a parent in silent prayer while his/her child is disrupting my children. In years to come, when those kids are tweeners and the toddler behind is kicking and loud, they will see how disruptive they were.
 
The only time children are truly distracting is when parents allow their children to wander in and out of the pews and even down the aisles all the way to the front of the church without any intervention.The child could be quiet but he should be taught to remain in the pew with his parents. Bring the children to church unless they are sick.
 
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