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Ian_Gamble
Guest
I apologize if this is not in the right place, but considering my question, it seemed to be appropriate. I have been an atheist my whole life, but recently, for personal reasons, I have come to the belief that there is in fact some sort of ‘god’, although I am unsure as to the nature of said entity. Anyway, I feel that the Christian faith, as much as I have loathed it throughout the years (I have lost almost all respect for Christianity, mainly due to the fact that if you really balance it out, religion has done almost no good, and only hindered science, social, and philosophical development.), has some merit above other faiths that I have looked at. I have read the Tao te Ching, the Koran, and a few other scattered essays and papers pertaining to religion, but something is different about Christianity - or specifically, catholicism. Every non Buddhist person that I have met in my life has treated me as if I was some terrible person, just because I believed there was no god. Although I would hardly call them Christian, considering Christ’s teachings, throughout the entirety of elementary, middle, and high school I have been told that I am going to burn in hell no matter what, over and over. And you can imagine how that would just fuel my belief that Christianity is a horrible and worthless belief, if all of the people I have met treated me in this manner. In fact, even adults have treated me in this manner. I was in the Boy Scouts for some ten years (including cub scouts), and yet I was barred from attaining the eagle scout rank because of my beliefs.
The exception to this has been catholicism. I met my best friend, noel, in sixth grade. He, and his family, are all catholic. Now, he had been home schooled prior to this, so as you can imagine he was rather socially awkward. I am a rather tactless and abrasive person, and I treated rather poorly. But even knowing that I was atheist, and that I had treated him in this manner, he still said ‘hi, Ian’ every morning, and never once berated me for my beliefs. This sort of surprised me, so I gave him a chance, and since then I have become very close friends with him and his family. Not once, in all the years that I have known them, have they ever berated me, or said anything negative about me, because of my beliefs. This is what I feel sets catholicism apart, and what surprised me the most. It had been my impression that catholicism was one of the strictest denominations, and thereby the least accepting. I am very impatient with people, their patience and acceptance of me is something that I greatly admire. How can they find the wherewithal to deal with me every day- to accept someone so radically different into their family? I want to convert to catholicism, but I demand substance out of things, and I want to truly believe rather than just saying that I do. Why are you catholic, as opposed to any other denomination? Can you help me sort this out in my head? People always talk about how they can feel god, but all I feel is a terrible loneliness, a vast nothingness greater than any abyss that is able to be comprehended by the human intellect. It is overwhelming, and I don’t understand why I am being singled out. I am struggling to find the words to express this… I consider myself a pretty logical person, but this is the most crushing emotion I have ever experienced, and I struggle on a daily basis not to crumble. I don’t know what to do…
The exception to this has been catholicism. I met my best friend, noel, in sixth grade. He, and his family, are all catholic. Now, he had been home schooled prior to this, so as you can imagine he was rather socially awkward. I am a rather tactless and abrasive person, and I treated rather poorly. But even knowing that I was atheist, and that I had treated him in this manner, he still said ‘hi, Ian’ every morning, and never once berated me for my beliefs. This sort of surprised me, so I gave him a chance, and since then I have become very close friends with him and his family. Not once, in all the years that I have known them, have they ever berated me, or said anything negative about me, because of my beliefs. This is what I feel sets catholicism apart, and what surprised me the most. It had been my impression that catholicism was one of the strictest denominations, and thereby the least accepting. I am very impatient with people, their patience and acceptance of me is something that I greatly admire. How can they find the wherewithal to deal with me every day- to accept someone so radically different into their family? I want to convert to catholicism, but I demand substance out of things, and I want to truly believe rather than just saying that I do. Why are you catholic, as opposed to any other denomination? Can you help me sort this out in my head? People always talk about how they can feel god, but all I feel is a terrible loneliness, a vast nothingness greater than any abyss that is able to be comprehended by the human intellect. It is overwhelming, and I don’t understand why I am being singled out. I am struggling to find the words to express this… I consider myself a pretty logical person, but this is the most crushing emotion I have ever experienced, and I struggle on a daily basis not to crumble. I don’t know what to do…