Choosing One's Battles Carefully and Being Tactful

[Spiller]

Some of the advice I have read on this forum will likely lead to nothing more than the complainer becoming frustrated, angry and ultimately being branded a parish crackpot. People really do need to choose their battles carefully! And when they do they had better do their homework and be ultra-tactful.

I reached my limit when I found large chucks of hosts on the floor of the sanctuary at my parish. That’s what it took for me to write my pastor. Had I harangued him earlier about what I felt was the excessive use of EMsHC, the use of a crystal chalice or a litany of other things, I doubt he would have taken my letter so seriously.

At the same time, (particularly in retrospect) I still wonder about the advice I received from that said NOT to write my pastor. Maybe the people offering the advice also had bad experiences with their own pastor as I did in the past?

 

[dconklin]

Churches do seem to attract very sensitive people. Being on a Pastoral Staff, I have learned to keep my head down and mouth shut - otherwise I would get upset. Obviously religion brings out people’s passions - as it should. It just seems that sometimes (I don’t think in your case) we are surrounded with “experts” that think they are being helpful and are really end up being hurtfull. We have someone that acts like the church police. Not on liturgical/canon things, but on parking and kitchen things.

 

[puzzleannie]

think your observation may be right, for us it was EMHC, in a parish long ago and far away, who routinely allowed their toddler granddaughter to “help” purify the vessels, and carry the chalice, dripping, upside down back to the sacristy, as she swung it to and fro.

our reasoned conversation with the pastor had amazing results, as a whole slew of abuses was cleared up as he simply reduced the # of extra ministers, insisted they all come for intensive training, and enforced the rules. He took the opportunity, when he had someone from the diocese in to do the training, to address music ministers, ushers and others as well.

he then spoke from the pulpit to the whole parish on a couple of successive Sundays explaining certain changes and “doing it right” and addressing things we had been doing wrong, from hand-holding to not kneeling etc. we even got chairs with kneelers for the “overflow” area. so great things happened because we did not jabber at him about every one of the lesser abuses each week.

for anyone confronted with severe problems with liturgy in your parish, please see the Lay Witness Protocol on the Catholics United for the Faith website, cuf.org

 

[Biblioassistant]

An EMHC who allowed her granddaughter to help? Yikes! We have a lector who brings her daughter up to read with her. It’s obvious the girl doesn’t know how to read very well, but her mom just gazes on her beatifically.

 

[puzzleannie]

we also at that parish had people in the choir who allowed their small children to sit up front, in the sanctuary where the choir was located, running, jumping, playing, yelling, throwing books, toys and cheerios, all during Mass. one positive change was simply moving the choir to the side (and improving the sound system), reducing the number of instruments, and making the requirement universal that those serving in any way make child-care provisions, or they just could not serve. he used safety and insurance as his tactic.