Christianity faith & virginity

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Sam_777

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Hi everyone,

I’m a Muslim man finding my way into the Christian faith, my full story can be read in my signature link, however, there is one issue scares me about the life in the west, specially regarding dating and sex, here in our Islamic countries and according to Islamic law, its forbidden for girls to make any kind of relationship before marriage, while in the west I see lots of girls talking about dating and the losing of virginity, I came across some public forums where girls are proudly discussing when they have lost their virginity (without marriage), some say 14, some say 15, and some say 16, that really scares me a lot, I can’t imagine tomorrow if I got married, my daughter would enter the house and tells me that she had a date and lost her virginity, that certainly would bring a heart attack to me, I rather not marry all my life if such scenario would happen to me.
I really would like to hear the opinions of the Christian parents here, how you deal with dating, what you teach your daughter about sex, is there any law in Catholicism that forbids sexual acts before marriage, if yes then what are they and how you implement them at your kids.

Looking forward to hearing from you, and thanking you in advance.

Sam
 
Dear Sam…

Welcome as a brother in Christ. 👍

It is a vast topic that you are addressing. First you have to understand that western culture is not Christian culture. The secular society has one set of world views about sex… Christianity has one that is wholly different. To make it short:

Christianity teaches:
  • No to sex out side of marriage (fornication)
  • no to adultery (affair)
  • no to concubinage or several wives
  • no to masturbation
  • no to pornography
  • no to prostitution
  • no to pedoplilia
  • no to homosexual sex
    All of the above are seen as sin that leads to death… From them we must repent, turn away, ask God for forgiveness and become humble and pure.
we say yes to
  • lovemaking between one man and one woman within marriage
  • total selfgiving within marriage
  • faithfulness
  • bringing our children up to respect their body, mind and health
  • purity and chastity untill and in marriage
And ALL of the above counts the same for BOTH men and women. A young man who sleeps with a woman who is not his wife is just as guilty as she is, and he is a sinner that deserves punishment to the exact same extent.

God has no favourites… He does not discriminate between men and women. They have equal rights and responsibility for themselves and others.

A man must love and serve his wife like Christ loves and serves the Church. The woman must likewise love, honour and trust her husband… both must build each other in holiness and true love.

Jesus and we love the sinners but hate the sin. Therefore the young men and women in our western societies that live in sexual promiscuity need our prayers.
We have all sinned in so many ways and are in need of the mercy of God. He alone is entitled to judge and we know He loves the sinners and died for us all while we were still sinners.
So we dont judge people, we love them and teach them about the purpose with which they were created: by Love, to love.

The good news of Christianity is that we love people because Jesus loved us first… we teach people about their worth and dignity because Jesus has showed us our worth through the Cross. Christ is all about forgiveness and new hope…

I hope that helps a bit… But prayer and reading the New Testament will teach your heart and convert and change you from the inside so you will have the love of Christ in you.

Remember this: In the eyes of the pure all things are pure.
In the eyes of a Christian there are no prostitutes… only sisters and brothers in need of our help in order to understand their nature as human being, created in the image and likeness of God, to be daughters and sons of the Most High… He has a special love for the weak, the poor and the sinners.

Yeshua be with you in peace,

GraceDK
 
I’m with Grace! Christian teachings are quite strict! It’s just that so many youngsters in the West choose to ignore the Christian teachings. But, if they are brought up well, chances are very slim that they will ‘go wild’.

I was still a virgin when I married my husband (my first boyfriend!) at the age of 29. He, also 29, had remained a virgin and had only ever had chaste relationships (i.e. meeting girls in a ‘group’, not seeking to be alone with them). We’re both practising Catholics and raise our daughters that sex is something ONLY for married couples.

I had many Muslim (Turkish and Moroccan) friends growing up and there wasn’t much difference in what their parents taught them about sex being for marriage, and what I was taught!

Anna x
 
Dear Sam…
Just one note.

We are aware of the severe penalty that Islam poses on people who fall away from Islam: death.
We also know that Saudi Arabia is a country of mideval darkness and slavery with public executions, whipping of people who has fallen into sin, supression of women and religious police.
Christians are not allowed to gather to pray or worship… their Bibles are confiscated… Christian books are torn into pieces when found in the airport control.

What I am saying is: please be careful brother Sam. We dont want to see anything bad happen to you.

The devil was a liar from the beginning. So says the Word of God. Anyone who lies serves the devil.
Truth is Jesus Christ and in Him there is no lie or darkness.

Lord have mercy on all muslims that they may truly understand that You are a Lord of Love, true freedom, forgivness and that there is no other God than the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob that choose the Jewish people to bring forth the Messiah and then to tell the world that we are saved by the Blood of Jesus… not our own merits or works… but by Jesus Christ alone.

Sam… do you own a Bible? … perhaps I should read your testimony…
 
Keep in mind that what you see in the media-- TV, movies, internet-- is not really an accurate picture of an **average **American. Hollywood and some major cities are very liberal and vice-filled to a great extent.

But, the rest of us living in average places, with average jobs, and average lives are not like that.

So, yes, we have to be on guard to protect our families from being exposed to these secular influences, but there are many faithful Christians who are not sexually promiscuous, many teens who are chaste.

It is absolutely a parent’s responsibility to teach their children about God, about right and wrong, and help them understand chastity and holiness. If faith is the center of the household, the children will be less likely to fall away into secular culture.

These are the fears of every parent-- protecting their child from physical and spiritual harm. Don’t let these fears keep you from pursuing the Christian faith.

As has already been noted, the Catholic faith teaches that sex outside of marriage is a grave sin. By living the faith in the household, praying as a family, studying the Bible, and teaching the children about chastity and holiness (there are many great books to help parents) we can give our children the foundation they need to make good decisions.
 
Hi Sam.

Everyone here has given very good advice.

I find it very sad that the view of Christianity has been so degraded by its association with the current state of some portions of Western culture. Christianity exists in the midst of Western culture, but is not a part to it.

Not all of Western culture wallows in the mud, as it is portrayed on TV and in movies; and so it is wise for parents to place limits on what their children watch on TV and what movies their children are allowed to see.

Good Christian parents teach their children, from a young age, about the dignity their bodies have as creations of God; and, when the child is a little older and can understand, how sexuality and its expression is not only a wonderful gift from God, but how God wants it to be used, e.g. within marriage.

Just as parents must teach a child the proper use of everyday things, such as a comb and brush, a microwave, etc., parents must teach their children not only the “how to’s” of sex, but its proper use. Sometimes, using analogies is very helpful, such as: “Suppose you have a table with a short leg, and you’re looking for something to put under the short leg to steady the table. You think that a book might be a good idea, and try a few books. The one that seems to be just perfect is a Koran [or a Bible]. It might work fine, but the book is being used in an improper way, since a Koran [or a Bible] should not be put on the floor under the leg of a table! So it is with sex. It is a beautiful gift from God, and it can be used in an improper way… but that is an insult to God. He wants the gift to be used in the proper way.”

You are right when you say that some girls as young as 14 boast of having lost their virginity. There are even girls as young as 11 and 12 having babies! :eek: I’m sure, though, that these girls were not brought up in a practicing Christian family. One cannot only call themselves Christian - one must act it. (I’m sure there are Muslims that call themselves Muslim, yet drink alcohol, or do not pray 5 times a day, etc.)

Don’t worry now about when you marry and have children. Teach your children the ways of the Lord. When they get to the age of noticing the opposite sex and start to ask to date, allow them ask the boy or girl over to your house where they cannot do anything wrong. They can get to know each other, talk, do homework together, etc., but cannot get into a situation that they cannot handle because you or your wife will be home. Keep them busy. They can’t get tempted to get into trouble if they are busy in after school activities where there is adult supervision. Involvement in sports is very good… and healthy.

I’m sure you will make a very good husband and father, and pray that the day will come when the Lord leads you to the woman He has chosen for you to spend your life with.
*“Dear God, do You know the greatest grief one of Your creatures can bear? It is the thought that she can never love You enough. ” *- St. Gemma Galgani
 
Sam-
It’s wonderful to hear that you’re joining the Church. Welcome as my new brother in Christ!
I understand how much it would hurt to think about your children having premarital sex. The best advice I can give you is this: talk to them. From the time they are small, talk to them about the messages they see on TV, through advertising, in conversations with friends … this can be something as simple as, “Isn’t it sad that the girl on TV thinks she has to dress like that so that a man will pay attention to her? She must feel pretty unloved and lonely.” Or, “When we look at people that way, we make them into objects. We don’t see them as real people, and God doesn’t like that.” Tell them that their chastity is a precious gift from a God who loves them.
If you always talk to your children about these things, and open a dialogue, they will be comfortable enough with you to talk to you when they’re teenagers and facing these temptations. And though no one enjoys talking to their kids about sex, it’s really, really important. I wish my parents would have talked to me … it could have saved me a lot of heartache.
 
Sam: Just a few comments that might be worthwhile for your question:

–At least I prize virginity. That counts for something. I’ve met virgin women and I ALWAYS highly respect them. Their virginity is a sign of moral strength, and that’s admirable.

—I agree withe the above point that Hollywood exaggerates the sex and violence. Unfortunately, this **** on TV and in movies DOES influence public behavior and public morals. Unfortunately, the moral people in America get heavily dissed for even suggesting that Hollywood should tone down its immoral works.

–I was raised to respect women so much that I was very bashful about getting much physical contact going on dates. I was raised to believe that girls prized, or at least valued, their virginity. . . but I think my parents are a bit more “Victorian” than most.

–The advice I generally give young people is to be as chaste as you can be: the whole sex, drugs and rock and roll philosophy leads to all kinds of damages, emotionally as well as physically.
 
As the mother of a 13 year old girl, one of my biggest challenges is shielding her purity from our secular society that is pulling her against her purity. It is a contant battle. From screening her music, to what she watches on TV, the movies she sees, what clothes I allow her to buy. Its a never ending battle.

But the battle is worth it, because its her soul I am fighting for.

I am the mean mom, the strict mom, the "why am I the only one who doesn’t get to … " mom. Someday I hope she will look back and realize that I was the “I love you enough to protect you” mom.

I have told her she cannot date until she is 18. I may or may not hold to that. But certainly she will not date as early as what is going on in our secular society. And she has a strong sense of what is acceptable behavior. She has vowed to purity until marriage. While that is an easy vow to make at 13 and not dating yet, I will help her to not get into situations where that vow will be too hard to keep when she gets older.

We see what goes on in the society at large. What I have told my girls is that there is the world’s way, and there is God’s way. God hopes that we will choose His way, but we have free will, and some people do choose the way of the world. I am bringing her up to always want to choose God’s way.

I am praying for you in your journey.
 
Arlene said:
I am the mean mom, the strict mom, the "why am I the only one who doesn’t get to … " mom. Someday I hope she will look back and realize that I was the “I love you enough to protect you” mom.
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God blessed me with a ‘mean mom,’ also … and I thank God for her 🙂 I’m sure that your daughter will feel the same, too, when she’s all grown up 🙂
 
Arlene said:
She has vowed to purity until marriage. While that is an easy vow to make at 13 and not dating yet, I will help her to not get into situations where that vow will be too hard to keep when she gets older.
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I thought I had posted this earlier, but I must have done something wrong, so forgive me if it shows up twice.

Loved everyone’s answers so far.

Arlene, would you be willing to share in what context your daughter made this vow? I would love for my 13-year-old daughter to do this. The Catholic youth group in our parish is more service and socializing-oriented and doesn’t seem to really tackle the tough issues.

I feel like one thing that I struggled with as a teen is that my parents were very virtuous, but they never explicitly discussed WHY you should live a virtuous life. Also my own youth group as a teen was basically just a social gathering. I don’t want my duaghter to have the same experience.

Does anyone have any tips on finding a Catholic youth group that addresses the diffcult issues facing teens today, like remaining pure until marriage? Or do we just have to use the trial and error method? We are in the Kalamazoo Michigan area.
 
hi Sam, well, my husband is also from the East - born Catholic. What I can say is that our son will not date during High School- maybe a dance here or there but no dating - he has to get through school first. I can say one thing - if our son dates or becomes sexually involved with girl, that would be grounds to be sent overseas with the in-laws to the Catholic school dh attended in the MOUNTAINS. And Dh is serious about this too! So, I hope our son sees it’s in his best interest to follow the rules and get on his feet before looking for someone to add to his life. If he wants to marry and have children he’ll thank us later that he has a good job so he can do so.

Also, if you decide to become catholic, you do not need to stay in SA. So many Easterners relocate to other Eastern countries for jobs, marriage, etc. India for example is very respectfull of other religions and have many opportunities job wise and marriage wise - there are millions of Catholic women from India. I hope you find what you are looking for and listen to your heart.

I know it is hard for Christians in SA. My brother in law was going through SA and he is a priest. He was there with another priest and they both had their bibles thrown in the trash! My Brother in law’s friend was starting an argument over it and my BIL quickly told him to be quiet - or else you don’t know what they will do. Very sad.
 
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