R
ReginaNightstalker
Guest
I must confess that I love all the arts and I support all artists. I am an innovative creative thinker who managed to create something original in high school. It was a form of performing arts that explored the relationship between architecture and the human body. It actually has to do with the fact that I love old schools and school building interiors that have the wood elements. I so wish that they would still be built like that today and not with all the cheap mass produced metal elements. I like those classrooms with the wood framed boards and clerestory windows. My high school classrooms. The concept I created revolved around using the board as an aerial dance and performing arts medium. It can be coupled with other aerial arts elements such as silks to make things easier and expand movement vocabulary. I am 30 now and I still miss the classrooms. I have developed the concept far and wide through research though I have never been able to experiment with it any after high school so everything is completely improvised and experimental. My parents have given me hell over the concept saying that it is stupid and impossible. The way that the classrooms were designed at my school prove otherwise.The boards were so strong that I could stand up inside of them. Those cheap metal things today are not only weak. They are ugly and hideous. There is no beauty in them. I am getting no support for the concept and it’s even being mocked by my parents to make me see it as stupid… I am hurting so bad for not being able to explore it & not getting any support. My stepdad won’t support it at all,calls it stupid and tells me that I can never have anything to work with it and that I have wasted my life with it. I have intellectual disabilities so I still live at home and hope to become independent and maybe married soon. That’s a goal of mine. The problem is that I feel like I have to bow at his feet and feel like I am unable to make my own decisions even though I am thirty lest I commit mortal sin. It’s bothering me because I am suffering without being able to play with it. I pray every night for answers. It’s like I feel like my desire to work with this is a sin because of how strong it is. I desire to serve Christ first and foremost. But I feel I will never be able to work with it. I long so bad just to see those beautiful classrooms of my school again and maybe get to play and experiment in them. I just feel it will never work because I am being told I will never be allowed to have what is needed to make it work,mainly one of those strong wood framed boards in the basement or in my bedroom. I need something and I am willing to invest my own money in it that I have earned. But I feel like I will never be able to do anything and that it will be a mortal sin to do so. I feel worthless and like my life will amount to nothing because the whole vision is what moves me. Can I get any advice on what I should do? I have never had so much ridicule over something as I have had with this. I’min the process of finishing a huge textbook full of research detailing all of the aspects of the concept because the least I can do is write the vision. So what can I do?