Christopher West-Sex and Marriage

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yearnforpeace

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Hi,
Just wondering if anyone else out there has read Christopher West’s book The Good News about Sex and Marriage. I am now filled with more anxiety because I do not think we have been doing “what we are suppose to” how we are suppose to if you understand my meaning. I wish there was a spot on here to talk frankly about the intimate “stuff” Now I am feeling like I am committing a mortal sin if we can’t get it right. Just curious how everyone else deals with the whole how sex is suppose to be thing. Sometimes bodies just don’t exactly respond how they are suppose to I guess. Thanks for your (name removed by moderator)ut I am really freaked out about this.
 
I’m not married, nor have I read any of Christopher West’s material, but I was wondering if you have taken your concerns to a priest? You know they can help you with specifics, don’t you? (They have heard it all) You can even go to a confessional with the screen and speak with a priest about it if you feel intimidated speaking face to face. You could even go to a parish far away from yours to do so if need be.

I don’t exactly know what you would be talking about, (not asking to know either) but try and remain calm while trying to find answers. Pray to the Holy Spirit to guide you in finding those answers for God’s sake and you and yours.
 
I agree with the pp who said you should take specific concerns to your priest. I haven’t read the book either, but I think the confessional is the best place to address specific issues.
 
yearnforpeace said:
Hi,
Just wondering if anyone else out there has read Christopher West’s book The Good News about Sex and Marriage. I am now filled with more anxiety because I do not think we have been doing “what we are suppose to” how we are suppose to if you understand my meaning. I wish there was a spot on here to talk frankly about the intimate “stuff” Now I am feeling like I am committing a mortal sin if we can’t get it right. Just curious how everyone else deals with the whole how sex is suppose to be thing. Sometimes bodies just don’t exactly respond how they are suppose to I guess. Thanks for your (name removed by moderator)ut I am really freaked out about this.
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Confessional or maybe speak to a priest after mass and ask if they’re available to meet with you. Excellent book though. God Bless you.
 
I read the book and I thought it was pretty clear and helped me and my spouse alot as far as understanding the Church’s teachings on love and sexuality in an unambiguous manner. While it is probably a good idea to speak to a priest if you require further clarification, it doesn’t sound like you think you misunderstood the book. Probably the person you should voice your concerns to first is you spouse.
 
My husband and I read West’s Good News… before we were married. It is a good and concise “'introduction” to the Theology of the Body teachings.

As with any sin, the sinfulness of any sexual act is determined by the knowledge of the act and the intent of the act. Without being too explicit, there are certain things that are pretty hard to do accidentally, and are certainly sins if done intentionally. Other things that can happen accidentally, can happen accidentally. You’re not culpable for an accident or mistake if you were not intentionally careless or negligent.
 
yearnforpeace said:
Hi,
Just wondering if anyone else out there has read Christopher West’s book The Good News about Sex and Marriage. I am now filled with more anxiety because I do not think we have been doing “what we are suppose to” how we are suppose to if you understand my meaning. I wish there was a spot on here to talk frankly about the intimate “stuff”
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Thank you! I have been saying this for months. It drives me off the wall. We do ourselves no favors by refusing to discuss “the s word.”
 
VeritasLuxMea said:
Thank you! I have been saying this for months. It drives me off the wall. We do ourselves no favors by refusing to discuss “the s word.”
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John Paul II did not refuse to discuss it. That’s why there are the Theology of the Body teachings that West (and others) writes about.

Sex is an integral part of marriage. I completely agree that we should not shy away from discussing something so important (as long as the context is appropriate).
 
VeritasLuxMea said:
Thank you! I have been saying this for months. It drives me off the wall. We do ourselves no favors by refusing to discuss “the s word.”
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:thumbsup:It seems to get better…but at a snails pace.My wife and I have been married longer then many of the CFA members are old. When we were dating, it was “not before marriage”. After we exchanged vows it was “now ya gotta do it” but “ya shouldn’t touch before and put your pajamas back on when he finishes”. Many of us Baby Boomers grew up with this mentality because I don’t think the average parish priest was comfortable talking about sex plus there was a lot of misconception about it. Thank The Lord for Pope John Paul II and his teaching on TOB. I’m kinda a common man and He was truly a scholar so it took someone like West to sort it out for me.There are those who say West only presents his side, but at least he’s trying. I miss JPII and wish He and West were around when we married. Seeing your priest is good advice, unless he’s quite old.The younger priests seem to have a better handle on sex and are better trained to deal with post JPII teachings.

Whatever you do, keep communications strong and build your marriage as strong and intimately as possible because you’ll find that those “feelings” between you and your spouse don’t end at the same time and there seems to be little written on how to keep the passion in your marriage. There’s a bunch on how to replace or substitute for true, unitive sex, but not much on prolonging it because you truly love each other.

IMO, you shouldn’t feel guilty about anything you do as husband and wife as long as it’s agreeable to both of you and he finishes where he’s supposed to. If for some reason he physically can’t, no foul.
 
yearnforpeace said:
Hi,
Just wondering if anyone else out there has read Christopher West’s book The Good News about Sex and Marriage. I am now filled with more anxiety because I do not think we have been doing “what we are suppose to” how we are suppose to if you understand my meaning. I wish there was a spot on here to talk frankly about the intimate “stuff” Now I am feeling like I am committing a mortal sin if we can’t get it right. Just curious how everyone else deals with the whole how sex is suppose to be thing. Sometimes bodies just don’t exactly respond how they are suppose to I guess. Thanks for your (name removed by moderator)ut I am really freaked out about this.
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Honestly, I feel that Christopher West and even Gregory Popcak makes some very flawed blank statements that can exasterbate sexual dysfunction. JP II’s Theology of the Body is a great thing. The Church has many clear teachings on sexual ethics. However, I think in their attempt to put apply the teaching in “clear terms” they make a lot of false assumptions.

If you want things to happen naturally and according to the rules, you can’t actively focus on forcing your bodies to do it. The more you mentally force it, the more your body will stubbornly refuse. I think it would be more adequately expressed that it is sinful to thwart the procreative function of sex. If you’re doing the other behavior because you want to be creative or want to substitute when you’re fertile, than that’s sinful. If you’re doing it because you were at it and are now past the point of no return but your body is acting like a car’s engine has stalled, its ok to call a tow truck. Now if you’re car is perfectly functioning and you decide to call a tow truck because its fun to watch your car towed or because you want to save on gas, well there is something really disordered about that. But sometimes tows are needed. And you’ll likely find you’ll need a tow truck less often if you psychologically know that option is available. It’ll help you relax and that’ll help your body do what its supposed to do rather spitefully betray you.
 
twoangels said:
Honestly, I feel that Christopher West and even Gregory Popcak makes some very flawed blank statements that can exasterbate sexual dysfunction. JP II’s Theology of the Body is a great thing. The Church has many clear teachings on sexual ethics. However, I think in their attempt to put apply the teaching in “clear terms” they make a lot of false assumptions. .
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West’s book isn’t perfect and is ,for the most part, his interpretation. I’ve tried to go though JPII’s Theology Of The Body, but it was written by a very scholarly man and much is open to interpretation, as is scripture. It does, however, carry the imprimatur and nihil obstat which are declarations that a book or pamphlet is free of doctrinal or moral error. No implication is contained therein that those who have granted the nihil obstat or imprimatur agree with the contents, opinions or statements expressed. If their assumptions were false, they could not carry the imprimatur.

Every marriage, and body, reacts differently during different stages and even from day to day. I’m talking from forty one years of experience and I truly wish JPII and West were around in 1970. Seems he and just a few others are willing to open the can called “sex”, even though the majority of Church controversy seems to be related to it

As for the tow truck, My priest has said Mass many times and even though he knows the prayers completely by heart, he still relies on a book on the alter. Kinda like a tow truck.
 
Thank you everyone. I appreciate the responses. I did try to talk to a priest in the confessional but it is awkward and honestly, I am not sure if he knew what I was saying exactly when I said it doesn’t work like it is suppose to. You are correct about the anxiety.
 
Whatever happened to that West guy anyway? Last time I checked (years ago), hew was taking a break or something. I haven’t heard anything from him or about him or his ideas in the media in a long long time.
 
yearnforpeace said:
Hi,
Just wondering if anyone else out there has read Christopher West’s book The Good News about Sex and Marriage. I am now filled with more anxiety because I do not think we have been doing “what we are suppose to” how we are suppose to if you understand my meaning. I wish there was a spot on here to talk frankly about the intimate “stuff” Now I am feeling like I am committing a mortal sin if we can’t get it right. Just curious how everyone else deals with the whole how sex is suppose to be thing. Sometimes bodies just don’t exactly respond how they are suppose to I guess. Thanks for your (name removed by moderator)ut I am really freaked out about this.
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We read CW’s books and loved them! ESP. GNASM!!! Yes, it made us realize we were doing things wrong and that our mind and sexual education have been seriously deformed but they also made us understand what can be changed, what should be changed, how to do it and the encouragement that sexual redemption is possible no matter how fallen you are.
Having said that, I can count on one hand the number of times love making was so awesomingly mystical…when we truly felt that in our union earth met heaven. And I think that is ok! I am not freaked out that we can’t manage to do it every time, I am just extremely amazed to know that such an experience is even possible and it gives us something to strive and to long for. We would sure LOVE to relive that height of ecstasy every single time but I don’t think it is possible,

I don’t mind talking specifics through PM. Just so you know, I’m a female (still) in my twenties.
 
Nec5 said:
Ah, but google won’t tell you if he is still in the “media’s eye” so to speak.
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He never really was in “media’s eye”. Nightline was a one time opportunity to get the name of TOB out there.

I’m currently at the TOB institute for a week long class taught by Peter Kreeft. They are shooting video for a promo video for the institute.

West is currently now part of Cor Project (one of the partners is here at the class). He still teaches at the institute as well.
 
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