Cialis or Viagra in Marriage

[cargopilot]

I’m going to do my best to keep my question rated ‘G’, so bear with me.

As I age, I have become more interested in the possible use of Viagra or Cialis.

I have found that the Church says that since these pharmacuticals are ‘restorative’ to normal function, there is no problem with their use within marriage. The doctor has indicated that I am a good candidate for them and has offered some free samples, which I did not take at the time.

My wife says that she does not want me to try them, saying that she is fully satisfied with the way things are, and not to bother. Our frequency is as often as ever, but I’m certainly not what I used to be.

Since my body is just as much hers, as it is mine, I am compelled to honor her request to not try these products. However, I wonder if she takes that position because she really is satisfied with my diminishing abilities in both time and vigor, or is she trying to protect my ‘feelings’, concerned that I might feel less of a man?

Personally, I am very satisfied with things as they are, but I do worry that since I can’t play as long and hard as I used to, that she is missing out.

I’m wondering what wives really think of these products. Do they really care about their husbands ‘performance’, or not? Is that something that is high or low on the list of things they care about?

 

[cheddarsox]

The way I feel, and what I gather from talking with my gal pals is that preferences are very individual. Your wife may truly be satisfied with things they way they are. But is sounds as though you are not fully satisfied, and you are half of the equation as well.

Perhaps the two of you could try it with the pill a time or two and evaluate how you both feel about it. That will answer both your questions.

Some people are truly content with the natural aging process and some of the changes that go along with it. There is a season…

cheddar

 

[kaymart]

Your wife might be trying not to hurt feelings. I was there. I am in my late forties while my husband is now an official “senior citizen”. He has some health problems and was also worried about “that” so his Doctor gave him samples too. I honestly feel no difference but he says its much better. The two of you have to have a very frank talk about this and decide what best for both of you. Also they are not cheap. Most, almost all, insurance companies do not pay for these type of pills.

 

[kage_ar]

Cargo -

I have to say- the idea of these meds just kinda creeps me out! I’d be saying the same things your wife is - leave those little blue pills alone

 

[cargopilot]

cheddarsox:

The way I feel, and what I gather from talking with my gal pals is that preferences are very individual. Your wife may truly be satisfied with things they way they are. But is sounds as though you are not fully satisfied, and you are half of the equation as well.

Perhaps the two of you could try it with the pill a time or two and evaluate how you both feel about it. That will answer both your questions.

Some people are truly content with the natural aging process and some of the changes that go along with it. There is a season…

cheddar

You’re so right, there is a season.

I mentioned trying it a time or two, and she said ‘NO’.

I feel compelled to take her word that she is ‘truly satisfied’, and I too, am truly satisfied. I suppose that what I am not satisfied with, is the notion that I am not really satisfying her. Does that make sense?
Perhaps I’m over analyzing, and placing more importance on something that in reality is not that important to her.

I read somewhere, and then re-read roughly the same thing somewhere on this board, the top 5 things desired by a husband and wife. The husbands placed sex at the top of the short list, while sex didn’t even show up on the wives ‘most desired’ list of qualities. Being ‘wired’ differently, it’s difficult for me to even comprehend what that means, or how it can be. How could sex not be one of the most important things?

On the face of it, it appears that if the husband HAS those qualities mentioned most by the wives, then they (the wives), generally, don’t really care whether their husband is like Don Juan, or Joe Schlub, sexually.

Could it be just the same as home decoration? While all I care about is having a good TV and stereo, a tatty old La-Z- Boy, a desk and chair, that could be placed in the same arrangement for years, she wants everything color cordinated and completely re-arranged every other month. Sure, I like the way the home always looks great. And inspite of my grumbling each time the arrangment changes, I’m OK with every new ‘look’. It’s not that I don’t care about that, I just don’t CARE, care.

Am I just trying to ‘redecorate’ myself with Viagra for a wife who just wants a good TV, a tatty old La-Z-Boy, a desk and chair, placed in the same arrangement for years?

 

[Peace-bwu]

cargopilot:

I’m going to do my best to keep my question rated ‘G’, so bear with me.

As I age, I have become more interested in the possible use of Viagra or Cialis.

I have found that the Church says that since these pharmacuticals are ‘restorative’ to normal function, there is no problem with their use within marriage. The doctor has indicated that I am a good candidate for them and has offered some free samples, which I did not take at the time.

My wife says that she does not want me to try them, saying that she is fully satisfied with the way things are, and not to bother. Our frequency is as often as ever, but I’m certainly not what I used to be.

Since my body is just as much hers, as it is mine, I am compelled to honor her request to not try these products. However, I wonder if she takes that position because she really is satisfied with my diminishing abilities in both time and vigor, or is she trying to protect my ‘feelings’, concerned that I might feel less of a man?

Personally, I am very satisfied with things as they are, but I do worry that since I can’t play as long and hard as I used to, that she is missing out.

I’m wondering what wives really think of these products. Do they really care about their husbands ‘performance’, or not? Is that something that is high or low on the list of things they care about?

If you are happy and she is happy, why beat yourself up with drugs that could possibly have bad side affects, just to make a good thing better?

She obviously loves you and if you want to add a littte extra spark, remember that we women are more turned on with our minds than anything else, if you make her feel desired and appreciated and loved, she will feel even more satisfied in the bedroom. Women NEED the emotional, romantic, connection. It literally determines how mindblowing things can be, not necessarily the time and vigor. ,You could also lengthen the time with more foreplay, which is just as, if not more important for women. Remember too, how sensitive the skin is, just a light backrub can be amazing.

Don’t get me wrong, if you were having serious problems I believe it would warrant trying these drugs. I think sex is an important aspect of marriage, but maybe at this time in your life you can find other ways to curl her toes. You seem very concerned about her needs so this should be easy for you. If she feels desirable and appreciated just for who she is at this time in her life, she will have a mindblowing time, I am sure if you think about it, you can get into her head and try to fulfill her secret garden dreams, a trip to a place she has always wanted to go, helping her be able to do her hobbies, telling her she is beautiful at odd times, whatever you can imagine will make her feel loved, beautiful and desirable. I promise you, *that *will make up for any endourance you are afraid you are lacking. Rediscover her. There is always something you can rediscover about a woman, even a woman you know like the back of your hand. We all have a secret garden in our minds, especially if she is a mom, we have to put alot of dreams and desires on the backburner when we have the responsibility of children)

Try not to feel bad about what you are noticing, she must love you very much, and it sounds like you have a great marriage because you are concerned with keeping it in tip top shape. Stay away from the drugs until they are absolutely necessary, only then would it warrant possible side effects. I wouldnt’ want my husband to use this unless we he were having serious physical problems. Also remember, the more you worry about this, the more your brain will tell the other parts of your body (one in particular) that they aren’t “good enough”

Your wife would feel horrible if you had serious side effects from drugs you wanted to take for her benefit.

God Bless you

 

[Siena]

Peace-bwu:

If you are happy and she is happy, why beat yourself up with drugs that could possibly have bad side affects, just to make a good thing better?

She obviously loves you and if you want to add a littte extra spark, remember that we women are more turned on with our minds than anything else, if you make her feel desired and appreciated and loved, she will feel even more satisfied in the bedroom. Women NEED the emotional, romantic, connection. It literally determines how mindblowing things can be, not necessarily the time and vigor. ,You could also lengthen the time with more foreplay, which is just as, if not more important for women. Remember too, how sensitive the skin is, just a light backrub can be amazing.

Don’t get me wrong, if you were having serious problems I believe it would warrant trying these drugs. I think sex is an important aspect of marriage, but maybe at this time in your life you can find other ways to curl her toes. You seem very concerned about her needs so this should be easy for you. If she feels desirable and appreciated just for who she is at this time in her life, she will have a mindblowing time, I am sure if you think about it, you can get into her head and try to fulfill her secret garden dreams, a trip to a place she has always wanted to go, helping her be able to do her hobbies, telling her she is beautiful at odd times, whatever you can imagine will make her feel loved, beautiful and desirable. I promise you, *that *will make up for any endourance you are afraid you are lacking. Rediscover her. There is always something you can rediscover about a woman, even a woman you know like the back of your hand. We all have a secret garden in our minds, especially if she is a mom, we have to put alot of dreams and desires on the backburner when we have the responsibility of children)

Try not to feel bad about what you are noticing, she must love you very much, and it sounds like you have a great marriage because you are concerned with keeping it in tip top shape. Stay away from the drugs until they are absolutely necessary, only then would it warrant possible side effects. I wouldnt’ want my husband to use this unless we he were having serious physical problems. Also remember, the more you worry about this, the more your brain will tell the other parts of your body (one in particular) that they aren’t “good enough”

Your wife would feel horrible if you had serious side effects from drugs you wanted to take for her benefit.

God Bless you

I totaly agree with this. (In fact the description almost made me cry!) Also try to keep in mind that it is todays scociety that places such an importance on “youth”, an effort to never grow old- hair coloring, face lifts, etc. This is one of those attempts- “have sex like a 20 yr old…” Trust God to help you satisfy each other. Belive it or not- I wouldn’t want to feel chained to the bed for 4 hrs.! (and I’m only 30!)

One thing- if she says wierd things like
“____ said her husband tried it, and it really DID work!”
or
“So haw many of those things did the Dr. give you, anyway?”
etc.
In other words, does she bring them up occasionally? Or continue the conversation past what you initially bring up? If that is the case, she might be tring to encourage you to try them, just to see, and is trying to spare your ego. If she isn’t, and only says “I never want to mess around with those things!” (etc) Then, take her for her word!

 

[Peace-bwu]

Am I just trying to ‘redecorate’ myself with Viagra for a wife who just wants a good TV, a tatty old La-Z-Boy, a desk and chair, placed in the same arrangement for years?

Possibly, but I will clarify a bit. She loves you and wants you for who you are. She wants you to have passion and be the best *you *can be, to love your hobbies, life and *her. *We want our husbands to be the men we love but to never stop growing in life. That doesn’t mean we dont’ want our men to age, that is a part of growing in life.

For instance, I am thrilled that my husband, who has sacrificed so much, on the long road of being a daddy of 3 on airman’s pay FINALLY has the truck he wants. He has done so much for us that I want him to feel happy and passionate about life, and still pay alot of attention to me and value our relationship. For most women sex is an important part of the BIG picture, a part of the relationship as a whole and part of the enjoyment is knowing that our husbands are ENJOYING making love to us. If we feel like our husbands are bored it is a big turnoff. I can’t speak for every woman but we want our husbands to be happy and full of life and love, as long as we are a part of that happiness and are the ladies being loved. For men, sex is very visual, for us, it’ s about the emotional connection too, if the man we love is getting older we don’t mind, in fact, it is a reminder of the beautiful commitment we have in marriage. Not all women are like this, but I think most who have been married for a long time, feel this way.

 

[cargopilot]

Siena:

If she isn’t, and only says “I never want to mess around with those things!” (etc) Then, take her for her word!

That’s just about what she says. She never brought it up, on her own. I think she would rather spend the money on towels or wallpaper.http://forums.catholic-questions.org/images/icons/icon7.gif

 

[Peace-bwu]

I don’t know if maybe I’m off the mark but I get the feeling that she is really into this interior decorating thing. I hope the two of you have hobbies/ activities/ that you both enjoy together. If not, find something because I think you might be missing out on this and mistaking it for something lacking in the, let’s call it, “performance” dept. It sounds like you might need to connect on the friendship/enjoying life together area. Do you have fun activities/ interests that you both enjoy together? My husband and I like the outdoors. For example, Any time we want to connect we have a hiking date or go canoeing or camping. We also like museums etc. You need to go do the things you have always enjoyed together, (whatever that may be) maybe have a common goal for a project (as long as this is something you both enjoy) You could look back on what you both enjoyed while dating, the common thing that brought you together (oops, this could be the sex and then we have come full circle!)

 

[movingmom]

I have to admit, the pill thing freaks me out too. I would wonder if it would turn you into some rabid hump monkey - believe me, no woman I know wants it to last for hours, or want to take you to the emergency room because the swelling just won’t go down!

Me, I’m content with my hubby, yeah, we’re not teenagers anymore, but we are growing closer and growing older every year - I really don’t want or expect the same “action” that we used to have - we have a lot more going on than just that!

 

[aimekuelmc]

cargopilot:

I’m wondering what wives really think of these products. Do they really care about their husbands ‘performance’, or not? Is that something that is high or low on the list of things they care about?

My husband has felt similar to you, always saying he wished things were “different” or “better” for me.
He didn’t believe me when I said I was satisfied, so he decided to try them.

I didn’t like the way they affected him - very jittery, tense, and shaky.

And I would rather he never take them again. It would have been much better if he had taken me at my word instead of thinking I wanted something else.

I now believe he wasn’t really doing it for me, but for himself. Perhaps he felt inadequate after seeing too many of those stupid commercials.

Believe your wife, and take her at her word.

MC

 

[Katie1723]

movingmom:

…I have to admit, the pill thing freaks me out too. I would wonder if it would turn you into some rabid hump monkey …!

Trust me…it doesn’t
~ Kathy ~

 

[cargopilot]

It sure appears the consensus here among wives is ‘who needs it’ and ‘forget it’. There hasn’t been one yet to post anything really positive about it.

I’m wondering if the doctor’s enthusiam for prescribing these products should include a brief interview with the patient’s wife?

I guess what it boils down to is a lot of ad hype playing on the older male’s sensitivity to aging. The ‘Lion King’ dreads the onset of a diminishing ROAR. The ads for Viagra and Cialis hold out the promise that even a worn-out old goat can be the fearless Lion, once again.

It’s funny, I’ve always laughed about all those weight-loss ‘sucker pills’ or creams and gagets for a ‘more youthful you’ that were aimed specifically at women. They target women right where it hurts, their appearance and ‘sexiness’ to men. Showing before and after shots of faces and bodies with the little fine print flashed, ‘Results shown are not typical. Your results will vary.’ In other words, ‘This stuff doesn’t work’. Yeah, I always got a kick out of that.

Well, maybe the joke’s on me, and every other goofy male. The ad execs hit our weak spot, nearly convincing me that my wife couldn’t possibly be satisfied with me, unless I start taking this high-dollar stuff. I guess it’s just like those hokey weight-loss pills and wrinkle creams…I don’t care if my wife has a spot or wrinkle, here and there. I also don’t care that she doesn’t sport the body of a 20 year old, anymore. I sure don’t want her spending money on something that probably doesn’t work and that could make her sick.

I guess I’ll just take her word for it, and forget about this stuff.

 

[Fashina86]

kage_ar:

Cargo -

I have to say- the idea of these meds just kinda creeps me out! I’d be saying the same things your wife is - leave those little blue pills alone

I haven’t been in this situtation (being 18, unmarried… and just looking at random threads seeing what I can find and research for future knowledge, knowing my :twocents: aren’t necessarily wanted because I am still young) but, I would say to go with the natural way and let your wife be the final say. The commercials I have seen, however, are so creepy that the question wouldn’t even come up (but then again, what do I know)

 

[cargopilot]

Fashina86:

I would say to go with the natural way and let your wife be the final say.

You’re right. I now believe that the wife should be granted absolute veto power on this one.

My wife put it into terms I could understand a little more clearly. She said she wanted various kinds of cosmetic surgery, lipo, face-lift, etc. Not for her, but to make herself more appealing to me. To which I answered, absolutly not. That is completely ridiculous and unnecessary, from my point of view. Why would I want to spend a whole lot of money on something that could hurt you, and that I have no desire whatsoever, for you to do? She replied 'Ka-ching, ching, ching, ching, ching! Or something like that.

So, the message is clear. My wife doesn’t want it, and it appears that no other wife wants it, either. Is that about right?

 

[newf]

cargopilot, you are absolutely right. Your wife doesn’t want it and neither do the rest of us wives.

I like the way Fashina86 called the commercials ‘creepy’…that about sums it up perfectly.

 

[DeniseR]

cargopilot:

So, the message is clear. My wife doesn’t want it, and it appears that no other wife wants it, either. Is that about right?

I think you’re right. I’ll add my comment, if you don’t mind. We’ve been married 20 years. When we see those commercials my husband looks at me and says I wonder what those things are like and raises his eyebrows. Until or unless he is unable to “perform” I have no interest in him trying them out. I think it’s like you said, Cargo, they are selling an idea that you aren’t good enough. When, in fact, you are a (presumably) healthy male who has naturally slowed because of time. It doesn’t need fixing if it ain’t broke.

We have both aged (we’re in our mid-40s) and have discussed that the physical feelings aren’t always as intense as they once were but that we are both satisfied. We have become more intimate in the foreplay and emotional departments. When the commercials say “longer-lasting” I don’t understand what they mean. When we were in our 20’s it was a lot quicker than it is now. Perhaps it’s less often than it used to be but it’s definitely much more loving.

Bottom line … if it stayed the same, we would probably get bored. As we age and our bodies change in appearance and response, we are always trying new ways to enjoy one another in that regard.

 

[YinYangMom]

cargopilot:

You’re right. I now believe that the wife should be granted absolute veto power on this one.

My wife put it into terms I could understand a little more clearly. She said she wanted various kinds of cosmetic surgery, lipo, face-lift, etc. Not for her, but to make herself more appealing to me. To which I answered, absolutly not. That is completely ridiculous and unnecessary, from my point of view. Why would I want to spend a whole lot of money on something that could hurt you, and that I have no desire whatsoever, for you to do? She replied 'Ka-ching, ching, ching, ching, ching! Or something like that.

So, the message is clear. My wife doesn’t want it, and it appears that no other wife wants it, either. Is that about right?

That was a real good point.

Married 19 years myself. There’s a 7 year age difference with us and hubby’s performance is not what it used to be but I really, really don’t mind.

There was a time I was considering using the hormone creams promoted on the Oprah Winfrey show years ago because my drive has always been lower than hubby’s, and he indicated at the time that he’d be open to me trying it, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.

It just seemed too fake and that it reduced me to hormones only, responsive ‘on demand’ so that whenever he would be in the mood a little dab here and my body would respond - but would my spirit? My heart? Wouldn’t we be reducing intimacy to it’s basic animal instincts? That wasn’t what I thought marital sex was supposed to be.

The same goes with Viagra and Cialis…first of all, **my **body is aging…my receiving parts aren’t the same as they were 19 years ago, after two births…there’s nothing I can do about that, to bring the elasticity back - and certainly that has had an effect on his ability to perform, so why give him a 20 year old’s drive and tool to use on a 40+ year old part? It may make the experience better for him, but I doubt it would make it better for me since nothing from my end got ‘renewed’. It just seems too mechanical for me.

Then add to that the side effects of the drugs. Honestly, I would much rather have my hubby live a long and healthy life than to compromise his other organs just for sex. I want the entire man, not just his sex drive.

Cargopilot, it’s ok to grow old. The body is not meant to last forever in this life, you’ll get it back on the other side. In the meantime enjoy the blessings you have in this marriage and relax about the bedroom situation. You’ve got a wonderful wife who’s basically saying she want you - all of you, working parts or none, and better yet, she’s not complaining about those parts yet - so feel good about how happy you are making her and turn off those tv ads. They really are just targeting man’s ego insecurities.

 

[Fashina86]

YinYangMom:

That was a real good point.

Married 19 years myself. There’s a 7 year age difference with us and hubby’s performance is not what it used to be but I really, really don’t mind.

There was a time I was considering using the hormone creams promoted on the Oprah Winfrey show years ago because my drive has always been lower than hubby’s, and he indicated at the time that he’d be open to me trying it, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.

It just seemed too fake and that it reduced me to hormones only, responsive ‘on demand’ so that whenever he would be in the mood a little dab here and my body would respond - but would my spirit? My heart? Wouldn’t we be reducing intimacy to it’s basic animal instincts? That wasn’t what I thought marital sex was supposed to be.

The same goes with Viagra and Cialis…first of all, **my **body is aging…my receiving parts aren’t the same as they were 19 years ago, after two births…there’s nothing I can do about that, to bring the elasticity back - and certainly that has had an effect on his ability to perform, so why give him a 20 year old’s drive and tool to use on a 40+ year old part? It may make the experience better for him, but I doubt it would make it better for me since nothing from my end got ‘renewed’. It just seems too mechanical for me.

Then add to that the side effects of the drugs. Honestly, I would much rather have my hubby live a long and healthy life than to compromise his other organs just for sex. I want the entire man, not just his sex drive.

Cargopilot, it’s ok to grow old. The body is not meant to last forever in this life, you’ll get it back on the other side. In the meantime enjoy the blessings you have in this marriage and relax about the bedroom situation. You’ve got a wonderful wife who’s basically saying she want you - all of you, working parts or none, and better yet, she’s not complaining about those parts yet - so feel good about how happy you are making her and turn off those tv ads. They really are just targeting man’s ego insecurities.

I couldn’t have said it better myself!