Circumstances for Marriage

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How many of you, who are married, waited for “the right circumstances,” per say, to get married?

My boyfriend and I know, after 9 months, that we are soulmates. I’m converting to the Church next fall, and we plan on being engaged shortly after. 🙂 I will be 20 when we are engaged, and he will be 25. I’ll still have 2 years of college left, though. He has a great, steady job, and can easily already support a family on his own.

It seems more “correct” to wait until I am out of college. But what do you think? Both of us sometimes think what the heck…we know we are each other’s vocation…why wait, if he can support us? Get married while I’m still in school. (Sidenote: I commute to school from home–not living at school.)

Did you get married while in school, think it is feasible, or did you wait for the correct circumstances, per say?
 
Okay, here’s my opinion…that is what you are asking…right? Okay…

I say, if you want to get married, get married! But, if you go ahead and get married, God could easily bless you with children right now, even 'honeymoon" night…I know…so be prepared. Another reason you might want to get married right now is that you can set up your life on just your future husband’s salary. Once you do start to work…put all your money in savings and furthurmore, if you were to become pregnant, you are already living on his income and it will be easy for you to decide whether or not to stay at home with your children.

Most people just “feel” they should wait until out of college, but it’s really going to be just how you feel in your heart…there is no correct answer.

Good luck to you…may God bless your marriage!
 
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Sorbetto:
How many of you, who are married, waited for “the right circumstances,” per say, to get married?
My boyfriend and I know, after 9 months, that we are soulmates. I’m converting to the Church next fall, and we plan on being engaged shortly after. 🙂 I will be 20 when we are engaged, and he will be 25. I’ll still have 2 years of college left, though. He has a great, steady job, and can easily already support a family on his own.
It seems more “correct” to wait until I am out of college. But what do you think? Both of us sometimes think what the heck…we know we are each other’s vocation…why wait, if he can support us? Get married while I’m still in school. (Sidenote: I commute to school from home–not living at school.)
Did you get married while in school, think it is feasible, or did you wait for the correct circumstances, per say?
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My wife and I were in the same situation as you and your boyfriend are in now. We did not wait and married during her first year. She eventually had to drop out of school before she was able to earn her degree. This was due to a combination of our first son being born and a transfer for me to a country in Europe. Originally, it was not too big a deal and everyone was very happy. After several years though and several more transfers and births of children, my wife began to feel trapped at home and continually wondered what life would have been like had we waited and while she finished school. Eventually, resentment toward me started to enter her thoughts. I saw this and because my job called for us to move every 2 years or so, I resigned so that she could be allowed to go back to school and finish her degree. She did and is now thoroughly enjoying her professional career, but our relationship has been strained. The kids are all teenagers now and one leaves for college this Fall. However, the family has had some rough times and we still experience those times periodically. I recognize that other factors may have played a role in the damage to the relationship, but I am very sure that a large part of the problem lies with the fact that we did not wait for my wife to complete her education. The roles now are reversed and she is excelling professionally while I am a stay-at-home husband/father. I have been unable to reenter my profession do to health and my initial departure. Therefore, I too harbor an amount of resentment.
I am not saying that the same thing awaits you and your boyfriend should you decide not to wait, but it is a possibility and something to consider. Whatever you decide, I wish you the best, and God bless.
 
So you are 19 and he is 24.

There is a lot of difference between those two ages.

If he really loves you, and maybe he does, he will want you to finish your education. This is called ‘self control’, and it is a very important thing to have when entering marriage. And I assume that since he has such a great job he has finished college, why wouldn’t he want the same for you?
 
You are 19? Finish your education first. He may have a great job, yes, but if he is disabled or loses his job, supporting the family may fall on you. The days when one would willingly try to do that with only a high school education are gone.

Try to get some practice in running a household: if at all possible, live away from home (and dorm) for at least a year. The time and effort involved may surprise you. If you’re worried about not being chaperoned, get another Catholic girl, one with strict views on pre-marital chastity, for a roommate.

If you plan on staying home with your children, consider that in your career choice. Some careers work well with motherhood sabbaticals, working out of your home, or part-time arrangements, while others are more difficult to manage. I wouldn’t make it the end-all in your decision–physicians are usually parents, too!–but it is something to consider.

Also, try to use your breadth requirements in ways you might find useful in running your home: for example, child psychology or practical finance courses that teach about insurance, credit, investing, mortgages, and so on.

Oh… and since your husband-to-be now has a family-wage job without a family, convince him to divert at least some of the money from his bachelor hobbies (which includes you!) and SAVE, SAVE, SAVE! You will always thank yourselves.
 
We married while both in law school, me having finished my first year, my husband had completed his second. We were forunate to have the support, financial and emotional, of our families who generously continued their commitments to paying our respective tuitions until we both graduated.

We did not have children for 5 years after we were married by our own choice in order to complete our education and begin our respective careers. It was a wonderful time in our married life and I have never spent a moment regretting the timing of our marriage. Now 16 years later, we have morphed into a much more traditional arrangement with me a SAHM with 3 kids doing the PTA, Soccer mom, Relig Ed. teacher drill. I love my life now and am so grateful for my husband’s hard work that allows me to be at home for my kids.

But I think I would have regretted skipping the opportunity to spend some time as a self-sufficient young adult had I gone right from home-school-married life-parenthood without taking some time to be in the adult world before taking on the responsibility of a young family. I realize now that experience also helps me relate to the stresses and demand my husband continues to face on a daily life in his career. It is a very personal decision you must honestly evaluate in your own heart and then with your fiance. If you are called to married life and parenting–it doesn’t necessarily mean you have to do it at 20. On the other hand if you are convinced your boyfriend is “the one” you can plan you married life to accomplish all your goals if you communicate well and cooperate with each other.
 
I agree with posters who have said that when you get married is a personal decision, but I would add that the decision involves your significant other and God. I would say pray about it - a lot, talk with your boyfriend, ask a priest.

Whatever you decide, make sure it’s the right decision for you and the decision you feel God is asking you to make. Then you will be able to make the decision without regrets.

God bless.
 
I was 19 when I got married. I was in my second year of college. My husband was 26. He had a job that could support us. I did have to drop out when I had my first child. Right now I am 26 and I have three children. I work very part time at a job with flexible hours and am even able to take the kids with me sometimes. I am also going back to school this Fall to finish my degree. All of this has actually strengthened our relationship, but in hard times it could go either way. So, I would say, if you are open to the possibility that you may not be able to finish your degree in the timeline you planned, then get married. One thing that I have learned is a lot of times what I want is not what God wants. I would take some time in prayer (esp in front of the blessed sacrament!) and don’t forget to listen as well. Maybe even take your boyfrined with you! Good luck to you and your boyfriend, and God bless.
 
The only thing I would say is DON’T get married in the middle of a semester. Wait until Christmas break or summer. That’s the only thing I would have changed about when we got married.
 
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