Civil divorce and annulment

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joshknnd1982

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Ok first a brief summary of my story. My wife and I are totally blind, we read braille, have talking computers… We have a five-year-old son. Last year I went to Arkansas for computer certifications. My wife’s family sister, sister’s husband, mother, father, are manipulative, controlling, they use mmanipulative tactics and bullying to make you do what they want, for control and money it would seem. When I got home shortly thereafter I got a job which would involve me moving my family from the northeast USA to southwest US. I helped my wife pack boxes in preparation for the move. When she was with me she was excited about the move. When she had spent time with her family she turned 180 degrees and was against moving. I went to visit another blind friend. during that time her family and the unity church www.unity.org I am personally convinced had told her to get a PFA protection from abuse and the main reason in the document was she did not want to move out of state away from her family she didn’t trust me as her husband to take care of her or her family and others influenced her in bad ways. Since then I have my own house my son attends a rural and safe public school rather than being homeschooled by incapable people. My wife filed for custody and divorce. she lost custody or primary my son attends school with me.
I will sign the civil divorce papers I was advised to do so and reasons given seem quite valid we don’t own anything we’re blind and on social security. but we got married in the catholic church in 2009 so civil divorce doesn’t really count. what matters is the catholic marriage. I will live as if single and will not get an annulment. So my questions are.
  1. my wife when we were dating was able to stand up to her family. she seems incapable of doing so now. could she change her mind and be capable of leaving them and the non-christian unity church permanently?
  2. Would she go to heaven because God would find she was heavily influenced by family and others?
  3. if we never get back together in this life and we stay married in the church’s and God’s eyes wil God put us in or let us go to some kind of pergatory where before we can enter heaven we must take as much time as needed to learn what we did not accomplish on earth together? that is learn how to be propperly married to each other and how to have a propper family?
  4. if she does end up in Hell does that mean our marriage is over? or maybe not because to make me happy in Heaven God will have a version of my wife who chose heaven rather than Hell so in other words God will make another copy of my wife who chooses heaven who I can spend eternity with?
  5. will it affect my son in a positive or negative way to tell him that yes, me and mommy are divorced, but we as catholics do not recognise civil divorce and the truth is (mommy and I will be married the rest of our lives)?
thanks
 
I am very sorry this has happened to you. I would really encourage you to talk to your priest for guidance, counseling, and answers to your spiritual questions. You are in a difficult situation and need personal guidance from your priest.
 
I think you should discuss your questions with a priest, but even if you do, I don’t think anyone knows the answers to your first three questions. One can only pray that God’s will be done in such an awful situation. I think it would be appropriate to tell you son that you are going to be civily divorced though the church presumes you continue to be validly married unless the marriage is proven otherwise.
 
I’m so sorry… I also agree that you should talk to a priest.
 
Also, the Church’s view is that marriage ends at the death of one partner. And I believe that the Church’s view is that there is no marriage in Heaven, at least that we know of. In Heaven we are joined together in one body in praising God and praying for the living souls and those in purgatory.

Also, that Unity church is some pretty heretical stuff. I don’t think they would classify as Christians since they don’t mention Jesus as the Son of God, but as a “master teacher” which seems to ignore the true divinity of Christ. They seem to be a wishy-washy modernist, spiritualist, new-age rubbish. Very dangerous stuff, IMO. Hopefully your wife will come to her senses and not associate with her family. As terrible as that sounds, in the New Testament it even says to abandon your family if they will cause you to do evil, or something to that effect, if I remember correctly.
 
  1. my wife when we were dating was able to stand up to her family. she seems incapable of doing so now. could she change her mind and be capable of leaving them and the non-christian unity church permanently?
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I suppose anything is possible. Pray for her. Pray for your marriage, but don’t hold your breath.
  1. Would she go to heaven because God would find she was heavily influenced by family and others?
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We really can’t judge that. God will be fair, just and merciful. That is ultimately all we know. We do not know the hearts of others. In fact, I think it can be hard to even judge our own hearts.
  1. if we never get back together in this life and we stay married in the church’s and God’s eyes will God put us in or let us go to some kind of purgatory where before we can enter heaven we must take as much time as needed to learn what we did not accomplish on earth together? that is learn how to be properly married to each other and how to have a proper family?
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I don’t believe that is how Purgatory works. Purgatory is more about letting go of your attachment to sin and learning to love God and others with a more sincere heart.
  1. if she does end up in Hell does that mean our marriage is over?
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Whether either of you go to Heaven or Hell, your marriage will only last as long as both of you are alive. There is no marriage in Heaven, except the marriage between Christ and His Church.
or maybe not because to make me happy in Heaven God will have a version of my wife who chose heaven rather than Hell so in other words God will make another copy of my wife who chooses heaven who I can spend eternity with?
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The happiness in Heaven will exceed any earthly happiness you experience. This happiness will stem primarily from your relationship with God. Remember Christ speaking to the woman at the well. He tells her that he will give her life giving water. Unlike the water she knows, this water will allow her to never experience thirst again. He then says that He is the life giving water. So the love and companionship you experienced with your wife is similiar to the normal water. Your relationship with God in Heaven will be so fulfilling, you would not likely even wish for God to make you another wife. All inner longings and restlessness will completely fad away. Your love for others will be completely selfless. There will be no aspect of seeking to satisfy any discontent and sadness in your heart through your relationship with others. You will forget self and value them for their own sake, just as God loves us for our sake. .
  1. will it affect my son in a positive or negative way to tell him that yes, me and mommy are divorced, but we as catholics do not recognise civil divorce and the truth is (mommy and I will be married the rest of our lives)?
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It depends on the age of your son. Considering that you are saying “mommy and daddy” he sounds too young to be explained all that. I would take everyone’s advise and consult with a priest.
 
Dear OP,

I will keep you in my prayers. I don’t have any advice to give except to speak with a priest and keep praying that you will be reconciled with your wife. I am visually impaired and am learning braille now. Have you heard of the Xavier Society? They provide braille and large print religious materials and books to blind and visually impaired people. You can get the readings for the Mass in braille along with a number of other recourses and it is all free.

I will pray for both you and your wife.

Sincerely,

Maria1212
 
God heals hurting marriages. Pray for your wife’s salvation and for the full restoration of your marriage. This is clearly His will and while He cannot force your wife to come back to you He can speak very loudly and make her life without you unbearable. Ask Him to do this - nothing is impossible for Him.

All marriages end with death. They do not continue in heaven as such. Your current trials may be all the Purgatory you will ever need. Join your sufferings to Christ. “Many are the trials of the just man.” Psalm 34 (?)

God bless you.
 
Re: your son - simply tell him that “God hates divorce - Mummy and Daddy are still married in God’s eyes.”
 
tatis said:
Does God hate divorce?
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A divorce signals an invalid attempt at marriage or the abandonment of a valid marriage by at least one of the parties. There are reasons this might have to happen that are morally permissible, but none of them are painless to God’s beloved. Yes, I think it is safe to say God would not wish a divorce on anyone. Most people who have had to go through a divorce would agree. It is like an amputation, like having to leave a burning building, like having to flee your home country. That doesn’t mean it cannot be a great release from a bad situation or that it is never necessary, but the point is that ideally the situation would never be so bad as that in the first place.

As for your child, OP, pray with her for her mother every night, and assure her that whereever her mother is or whatever she is doing, her mother is praying for you two, too.
 
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